It’s the 370th anniversary of Jón Jónsson and his son Jón Jónsson being burnt at the stake in Iceland for attacking a priest with witchcraft and casting fart spells on a girl using fretrúnir – fart runes

According to Tvær galdraskræður (Two Icelandic Books of Magic), you write these out “on white calfskin with your own blood taken from your thigh and say… May it loosen you from your place and burst your guts; may your farting never stop day and night” when you want to “afflict your belly with great shitting and shooting pains and … very great farting. May your bones split asunder, may your guts burst, may your farting never stop, neither day nor night.”

There’s another set which you carve at full moon with a human finger bone onto oak smeared with your blood and chant “I carve you 8 ásar, 9 naudir, 13 pursa. You shall explode to great discomfort, I forbid your backside to fall apart: Now shit or explode.” Obviously.

The fart stuff was actually a minor detail in the Kirkjuból witch trial, most of which hinged on Jónsson and Jónsson confessing to using sorcery on pastor Jón Magnússon. After their execution, he got all their possessions, but then claimed his torments hadn’t ceased and accused their daughter/sister Þuríður Jónsdóttir of witchcraft. So she sued Magnússon for persecution and was awarded all his belongings as compensation when she won.

Apparently, you can buy modern translations of the grimoires (spell books) in question at Galdrasýning á Ströndum, just in case you’re curious. I’m not suggesting potential victims or anything…