If you’re the subject of flattery then nine times out of ten the true motivation is not to sing your praises but to compel you to do something. Flattery works well as a form of manipulation because it softens you up to the request waiting in the wings by appealing to your idealized self-image. And at the unconscious level it makes you want to return the emotional favor so that you can feel like you’re square in that human transaction. A behavioral favor for an emotional favor.

Most people believe they’re the protagonists in this story called life. They don’t want to play second fiddle to anybody, they’re the lead characters and it’s everybody else playing supporting roles. Flattery without an ulterior motive is, in effect, relegating yourself to a supporting role and making someone else the lead character in your story. You don’t do it and neither does anybody else. When people are flattering you it’s for a reason, to get you to do something to further their progress in their stories, and when you’re flattering people it’s for a reason, to get them to do something to further your progress in your story

One exception to this rule is of course masochism, the psychological life orientation that solves the problem of feeling insignificant in a vast universe by identifying with some larger entity. This is where the obsession with famous people and nationalism, for example, have their roots. Flattery in these cases has as its motivation to raise another up onto a pedestal in order to leech off of that glory.

In any event, the people who simply want to tell you how great you are for absolutely no reason except to tell you that you’re great are few and far between. The flattery might indeed be objectively valid, it might not, but be aware that in either case a behavioral request of some kind is almost surely waiting in the wings.

PermeateFree said:

If you’re the subject of flattery then nine times out of ten the true motivation is not to sing your praises but to compel you to do something. Flattery works well as a form of manipulation because it softens you up to the request waiting in the wings by appealing to your idealized self-image. And at the unconscious level it makes you want to return the emotional favor so that you can feel like you’re square in that human transaction. A behavioral favor for an emotional favor.

Most people believe they’re the protagonists in this story called life. They don’t want to play second fiddle to anybody, they’re the lead characters and it’s everybody else playing supporting roles. Flattery without an ulterior motive is, in effect, relegating yourself to a supporting role and making someone else the lead character in your story. You don’t do it and neither does anybody else. When people are flattering you it’s for a reason, to get you to do something to further their progress in their stories, and when you’re flattering people it’s for a reason, to get them to do something to further your progress in your story

One exception to this rule is of course masochism, the psychological life orientation that solves the problem of feeling insignificant in a vast universe by identifying with some larger entity. This is where the obsession with famous people and nationalism, for example, have their roots. Flattery in these cases has as its motivation to raise another up onto a pedestal in order to leech off of that glory.

In any event, the people who simply want to tell you how great you are for absolutely no reason except to tell you that you’re great are few and far between. The flattery might indeed be objectively valid, it might not, but be aware that in either case a behavioral request of some kind is almost surely waiting in the wings.

Yes charism always make me dubious of a persons true motives

PermeateFree said:

If you’re the subject of flattery then nine times out of ten the true motivation is not to sing your praises but to compel you to do something. Flattery works well as a form of manipulation because it softens you up to the request waiting in the wings by appealing to your idealized self-image. And at the unconscious level it makes you want to return the emotional favor so that you can feel like you’re square in that human transaction. A behavioral favor for an emotional favor.

Most people believe they’re the protagonists in this story called life. They don’t want to play second fiddle to anybody, they’re the lead characters and it’s everybody else playing supporting roles. Flattery without an ulterior motive is, in effect, relegating yourself to a supporting role and making someone else the lead character in your story. You don’t do it and neither does anybody else. When people are flattering you it’s for a reason, to get you to do something to further their progress in their stories, and when you’re flattering people it’s for a reason, to get them to do something to further your progress in your story

One exception to this rule is of course masochism, the psychological life orientation that solves the problem of feeling insignificant in a vast universe by identifying with some larger entity. This is where the obsession with famous people and nationalism, for example, have their roots. Flattery in these cases has as its motivation to raise another up onto a pedestal in order to leech off of that glory.

In any event, the people who simply want to tell you how great you are for absolutely no reason except to tell you that you’re great are few and far between. The flattery might indeed be objectively valid, it might not, but be aware that in either case a behavioral request of some kind is almost surely waiting in the wings.

Of all the ways that people try to elicit our behavior, flattery might just be the most effective and in a way the most nefarious because, depending on our personality structures, it’s exceedingly difficult to put two and two together and realize there’s an ulterior motive, that the flattery is just a cover for the real purpose of getting us to do something.

Most of us are highly susceptible to flattery because it confirms what we want so badly to believe about ourselves. Flattery serves to firm up that fragile self-image, it’s a bulwark against doubt, it offers hope that others see us in the same positive light as we see ourselves.

Of course not everyone lies at the same level of flattery susceptibility. Depressives, for example, are likely to outright discard flattery since their personality structures are usually built up on the premise that they’re worthless and unlovable. Their internal response is, “You don’t know what you’re talking about.”

At the other extreme are those who are highly susceptible, and this is because their personality structures are built up on what Karen Horney called the idealized self-image. They see themselves as having almost godlike personality traits and abilities. The idealized self-image is a house of cards in that life constantly interferes, it threatens to make the whole thing come tumbling down with its myriad disappointments, embarrassments, and blunders. When flattery does come around those with the idealized self-image greedily take it in without questioning it.

Most of us lie somewhere in between those two poles. We want others to hold us in high regard, we want to hear we’re doing a good job, we want the confirmation from the external environment that we’re worthwhile and lovable. Flattery of all kinds fits the bill, it lets us feel good, powerful, useful, appreciated, respected, talented.

But the truth is that most of us don’t go out of our way to flatter others unless we want something from them so why would they go out of their way to flatter us unless they want something from us? Behind the veneer of flattery there’s usually a request of some kind, a request that we don’t even notice because fulfilling it is part and parcel of the desired self-image being cultivated. This is not to say that all flattery has as its true purpose the elicitation of some behavior, just that most does, and raising our awareness around this fact can help us insure that our behavior stays in line with the life path we want for ourselves, not with the machinations of others.

PermeateFree said:

If you’re the subject of flattery then nine times out of ten the true motivation is not to sing your praises but to compel you to do something. Flattery works well as a form of manipulation because it softens you up to the request waiting in the wings by appealing to your idealized self-image. And at the unconscious level it makes you want to return the emotional favor so that you can feel like you’re square in that human transaction. A behavioral favor for an emotional favor.

Most people believe they’re the protagonists in this story called life. They don’t want to play second fiddle to anybody, they’re the lead characters and it’s everybody else playing supporting roles. Flattery without an ulterior motive is, in effect, relegating yourself to a supporting role and making someone else the lead character in your story. You don’t do it and neither does anybody else. When people are flattering you it’s for a reason, to get you to do something to further their progress in their stories, and when you’re flattering people it’s for a reason, to get them to do something to further your progress in your story

One exception to this rule is of course masochism, the psychological life orientation that solves the problem of feeling insignificant in a vast universe by identifying with some larger entity. This is where the obsession with famous people and nationalism, for example, have their roots. Flattery in these cases has as its motivation to raise another up onto a pedestal in order to leech off of that glory.

In any event, the people who simply want to tell you how great you are for absolutely no reason except to tell you that you’re great are few and far between. The flattery might indeed be objectively valid, it might not, but be aware that in either case a behavioral request of some kind is almost surely waiting in the wings.

I promise I’ll never over flatter you.

dv said:

PermeateFree said:

If you’re the subject of flattery then nine times out of ten the true motivation is not to sing your praises but to compel you to do something. Flattery works well as a form of manipulation because it softens you up to the request waiting in the wings by appealing to your idealized self-image. And at the unconscious level it makes you want to return the emotional favor so that you can feel like you’re square in that human transaction. A behavioral favor for an emotional favor.

Most people believe they’re the protagonists in this story called life. They don’t want to play second fiddle to anybody, they’re the lead characters and it’s everybody else playing supporting roles. Flattery without an ulterior motive is, in effect, relegating yourself to a supporting role and making someone else the lead character in your story. You don’t do it and neither does anybody else. When people are flattering you it’s for a reason, to get you to do something to further their progress in their stories, and when you’re flattering people it’s for a reason, to get them to do something to further your progress in your story

One exception to this rule is of course masochism, the psychological life orientation that solves the problem of feeling insignificant in a vast universe by identifying with some larger entity. This is where the obsession with famous people and nationalism, for example, have their roots. Flattery in these cases has as its motivation to raise another up onto a pedestal in order to leech off of that glory.

In any event, the people who simply want to tell you how great you are for absolutely no reason except to tell you that you’re great are few and far between. The flattery might indeed be objectively valid, it might not, but be aware that in either case a behavioral request of some kind is almost surely waiting in the wings.

I promise I’ll never over flatter you.

Don’t worry about me, it is you who have been flattered with all its outcome.

PermeateFree said:

If you’re the subject of flattery then nine times out of ten the true motivation is not to sing your praises but to compel you to do something. Flattery works well as a form of manipulation because it softens you up to the request waiting in the wings by appealing to your idealized self-image. And at the unconscious level it makes you want to return the emotional favor so that you can feel like you’re square in that human transaction. A behavioral favor for an emotional favor.

Most people believe they’re the protagonists in this story called life. They don’t want to play second fiddle to anybody, they’re the lead characters and it’s everybody else playing supporting roles. Flattery without an ulterior motive is, in effect, relegating yourself to a supporting role and making someone else the lead character in your story. You don’t do it and neither does anybody else. When people are flattering you it’s for a reason, to get you to do something to further their progress in their stories, and when you’re flattering people it’s for a reason, to get them to do something to further your progress in your story

One exception to this rule is of course masochism, the psychological life orientation that solves the problem of feeling insignificant in a vast universe by identifying with some larger entity. This is where the obsession with famous people and nationalism, for example, have their roots. Flattery in these cases has as its motivation to raise another up onto a pedestal in order to leech off of that glory.

In any event, the people who simply want to tell you how great you are for absolutely no reason except to tell you that you’re great are few and far between. The flattery might indeed be objectively valid, it might not, but be aware that in either case a behavioral request of some kind is almost surely waiting in the wings.

I thought flattery, almost by definition, meant it’s for effect, or affect, whatever, and that (mechanisms of) resistance to it are at least as common as examples of flattery (attempts)

re subject feeling significant (and adequate), i’d suggest there are far worse things than being insignificant, I mean how significant would an adequate person want to be, down in those relative social mechanisms (involving comparison), they aren’t even mechanisms a person could be exact regard, measure, get an accurate handle on, which is where a lot of their power comes from, perhaps an undeserving power

transition said:

PermeateFree said:

If you’re the subject of flattery then nine times out of ten the true motivation is not to sing your praises but to compel you to do something. Flattery works well as a form of manipulation because it softens you up to the request waiting in the wings by appealing to your idealized self-image. And at the unconscious level it makes you want to return the emotional favor so that you can feel like you’re square in that human transaction. A behavioral favor for an emotional favor.

Most people believe they’re the protagonists in this story called life. They don’t want to play second fiddle to anybody, they’re the lead characters and it’s everybody else playing supporting roles. Flattery without an ulterior motive is, in effect, relegating yourself to a supporting role and making someone else the lead character in your story. You don’t do it and neither does anybody else. When people are flattering you it’s for a reason, to get you to do something to further their progress in their stories, and when you’re flattering people it’s for a reason, to get them to do something to further your progress in your story

One exception to this rule is of course masochism, the psychological life orientation that solves the problem of feeling insignificant in a vast universe by identifying with some larger entity. This is where the obsession with famous people and nationalism, for example, have their roots. Flattery in these cases has as its motivation to raise another up onto a pedestal in order to leech off of that glory.

In any event, the people who simply want to tell you how great you are for absolutely no reason except to tell you that you’re great are few and far between. The flattery might indeed be objectively valid, it might not, but be aware that in either case a behavioral request of some kind is almost surely waiting in the wings.

I thought flattery, almost by definition, meant it’s for effect, or affect, whatever, and that (mechanisms of) resistance to it are at least as common as examples of flattery (attempts)

re subject feeling significant (and adequate), i’d suggest there are far worse things than being insignificant, I mean how significant would an adequate person want to be, down in those relative social mechanisms (involving comparison), they aren’t even mechanisms a person could be exact regard, measure, get an accurate handle on, which is where a lot of their power comes from, perhaps an undeserving power

I think the following post answers most of your concerns.

Nobody’s ever flattered me …

… unless I’ve asked them to.

dv said:

PermeateFree said:

If you’re the subject of flattery then nine times out of ten the true motivation is not to sing your praises but to compel you to do something. Flattery works well as a form of manipulation because it softens you up to the request waiting in the wings by appealing to your idealized self-image. And at the unconscious level it makes you want to return the emotional favor so that you can feel like you’re square in that human transaction. A behavioral favor for an emotional favor.

Most people believe they’re the protagonists in this story called life. They don’t want to play second fiddle to anybody, they’re the lead characters and it’s everybody else playing supporting roles. Flattery without an ulterior motive is, in effect, relegating yourself to a supporting role and making someone else the lead character in your story. You don’t do it and neither does anybody else. When people are flattering you it’s for a reason, to get you to do something to further their progress in their stories, and when you’re flattering people it’s for a reason, to get them to do something to further your progress in your story

One exception to this rule is of course masochism, the psychological life orientation that solves the problem of feeling insignificant in a vast universe by identifying with some larger entity. This is where the obsession with famous people and nationalism, for example, have their roots. Flattery in these cases has as its motivation to raise another up onto a pedestal in order to leech off of that glory.

In any event, the people who simply want to tell you how great you are for absolutely no reason except to tell you that you’re great are few and far between. The flattery might indeed be objectively valid, it might not, but be aware that in either case a behavioral request of some kind is almost surely waiting in the wings.

I promise I’ll never over flatter you.

I think you are a top bloke PF, friendly, polite and caring and have great big Australian penis

I bet loving unwarranted flattery goes hand in hand with people who big note themselves for doing everyday normal things and always try to steer a conversation about them.

The-Spectator said:

dv said:

PermeateFree said:

If you’re the subject of flattery then nine times out of ten the true motivation is not to sing your praises but to compel you to do something. Flattery works well as a form of manipulation because it softens you up to the request waiting in the wings by appealing to your idealized self-image. And at the unconscious level it makes you want to return the emotional favor so that you can feel like you’re square in that human transaction. A behavioral favor for an emotional favor.

Most people believe they’re the protagonists in this story called life. They don’t want to play second fiddle to anybody, they’re the lead characters and it’s everybody else playing supporting roles. Flattery without an ulterior motive is, in effect, relegating yourself to a supporting role and making someone else the lead character in your story. You don’t do it and neither does anybody else. When people are flattering you it’s for a reason, to get you to do something to further their progress in their stories, and when you’re flattering people it’s for a reason, to get them to do something to further your progress in your story

One exception to this rule is of course masochism, the psychological life orientation that solves the problem of feeling insignificant in a vast universe by identifying with some larger entity. This is where the obsession with famous people and nationalism, for example, have their roots. Flattery in these cases has as its motivation to raise another up onto a pedestal in order to leech off of that glory.

In any event, the people who simply want to tell you how great you are for absolutely no reason except to tell you that you’re great are few and far between. The flattery might indeed be objectively valid, it might not, but be aware that in either case a behavioral request of some kind is almost surely waiting in the wings.

I promise I’ll never over flatter you.

I think you are a top bloke PF, friendly, polite and caring and have great big Australian penis

Very kind of you.

Cymek said:

I bet loving unwarranted flattery goes hand in hand with people who big note themselves for doing everyday normal things and always try to steer a conversation about them.

IMO when people are flattering you they have a different tone of voice to when they are praising you.

Cymek said:

I bet loving unwarranted flattery goes hand in hand with people who big note themselves for doing everyday normal things and always try to steer a conversation about them.

It is not the one being flattered, but the flatterer being manipulative for their own ends.

Is there a link to this? A ref? Something

Arts said:

Is there a link to this? A ref? Something

There are heaps, just Google Flattery As Manipulation.

transition said:

I thought flattery, almost by definition, meant it’s for effect, or affect, whatever, and that (mechanisms of) resistance to it are at least as common as examples of flattery (attempts)

re subject feeling significant (and adequate), i’d suggest there are far worse things than being insignificant, I mean how significant would an adequate person want to be, down in those relative social mechanisms (involving comparison), they aren’t even mechanisms a person could be exact regard, measure, get an accurate handle on, which is where a lot of their power comes from, perhaps an undeserving power

Well the definition of flattery according to the Internet is:

“excessive and insincere praise, given especially to further one’s own interests.”

so I’d say that its precisely by definition.

semantics

PermeateFree said:

Cymek said:

I bet loving unwarranted flattery goes hand in hand with people who big note themselves for doing everyday normal things and always try to steer a conversation about them.

It is not the one being flattered, but the flatterer being manipulative for their own ends.

Yes but it probably only works on those who already think too highly of themselves.
If someone flatters you no reason it should set off alarm bells, what do they want

Cymek said:

PermeateFree said:

Cymek said:

I bet loving unwarranted flattery goes hand in hand with people who big note themselves for doing everyday normal things and always try to steer a conversation about them.

It is not the one being flattered, but the flatterer being manipulative for their own ends.

Yes but it probably only works on those who already think too highly of themselves.
If someone flatters you no reason it should set off alarm bells, what do they want

“Between flattery and admiration there often flows a river of contempt.”

“None are more taken in by flattery than the proud, who wish to be the first and are not.”

Flatter The Curve

PermeateFree said:

Cymek said:

PermeateFree said:

It is not the one being flattered, but the flatterer being manipulative for their own ends.

Yes but it probably only works on those who already think too highly of themselves.
If someone flatters you no reason it should set off alarm bells, what do they want

“Between flattery and admiration there often flows a river of contempt.”

“None are more taken in by flattery than the proud, who wish to be the first and are not.”

Yes that sort of thing
You especially notice it when someone is trying to sell you something, they act as a friend and you’ve only just met

Arts said:

Is there a link to this? A ref? Something

https://evolutioncounseling.com/flattery-as-manipulation

ChrispenEvan said:

Arts said:

Is there a link to this? A ref? Something

https://evolutioncounseling.com/flattery-as-manipulation

Thank you.

ChrispenEvan said:

Arts said:

Is there a link to this? A ref? Something

https://evolutioncounseling.com/flattery-as-manipulation

https://evolutioncounseling.com/flattery/

seems to be just from that site. just google the first couple of sentences.

PermeateFree said:

Don’t worry about me

Deal

Arts said:

ChrispenEvan said:

Arts said:

Is there a link to this? A ref? Something

https://evolutioncounseling.com/flattery-as-manipulation

Thank you.

No worries.

ChrispenEvan said:

ChrispenEvan said:

Arts said:

Is there a link to this? A ref? Something

https://evolutioncounseling.com/flattery-as-manipulation

https://evolutioncounseling.com/flattery/

seems to be just from that site. just google the first couple of sentences.

I think if posters are going to post a bunch of text on here they should, in good conscience, also post the ref. But that might be just an Arts thing. We aren’t exactly a science forum.

Arts said:

ChrispenEvan said:

ChrispenEvan said:

https://evolutioncounseling.com/flattery-as-manipulation

https://evolutioncounseling.com/flattery/

seems to be just from that site. just google the first couple of sentences.

I think if posters are going to post a bunch of text on here they should, in good conscience, also post the ref. But that might be just an Arts thing. We aren’t exactly a science forum.

It has only been posted as a dig at some forum members.

Arts said:

ChrispenEvan said:

ChrispenEvan said:

https://evolutioncounseling.com/flattery-as-manipulation

https://evolutioncounseling.com/flattery/

seems to be just from that site. just google the first couple of sentences.

I think if posters are going to post a bunch of text on here they should, in good conscience, also post the ref. But that might be just an Arts thing. We aren’t exactly a science forum.

It’s a me thing too. References are easy and important, so people can follow up if they want.

sibeen said:

Arts said:

ChrispenEvan said:

https://evolutioncounseling.com/flattery-as-manipulation

Thank you.

No worries.

you’re a tops bloke. I’ve always said that.

Arts said:

ChrispenEvan said:

ChrispenEvan said:

https://evolutioncounseling.com/flattery-as-manipulation

https://evolutioncounseling.com/flattery/

seems to be just from that site. just google the first couple of sentences.

I think if posters are going to post a bunch of text on here they should, in good conscience, also post the ref. But that might be just an Arts thing. We aren’t exactly a science forum.

There are so many references on this matter, you could check any to get a similar result. In other words it is common knowledge, although obviously not to some.

ChrispenEvan said:

Arts said:

ChrispenEvan said:

https://evolutioncounseling.com/flattery/

seems to be just from that site. just google the first couple of sentences.

I think if posters are going to post a bunch of text on here they should, in good conscience, also post the ref. But that might be just an Arts thing. We aren’t exactly a science forum.

It has only been posted as a dig at some forum members.

Oh. I see.

ChrispenEvan said:

Arts said:

ChrispenEvan said:

https://evolutioncounseling.com/flattery/

seems to be just from that site. just google the first couple of sentences.

I think if posters are going to post a bunch of text on here they should, in good conscience, also post the ref. But that might be just an Arts thing. We aren’t exactly a science forum.

It has only been posted as a dig at some forum members.

I gave you a google reference to many, what more do you want? Do you want me to read them for you?

ChrispenEvan said:

Arts said:

ChrispenEvan said:

https://evolutioncounseling.com/flattery/

seems to be just from that site. just google the first couple of sentences.

I think if posters are going to post a bunch of text on here they should, in good conscience, also post the ref. But that might be just an Arts thing. We aren’t exactly a science forum.

It has only been posted as a dig at some forum members.

Not a dig, just supplying facts, which of course you will ignore. :)

PermeateFree said:

ChrispenEvan said:

Arts said:

I think if posters are going to post a bunch of text on here they should, in good conscience, also post the ref. But that might be just an Arts thing. We aren’t exactly a science forum.

It has only been posted as a dig at some forum members.

I gave you a google reference to many, what more do you want? Do you want me to read them for you?

Do you have a melodious voice?

sibeen said:

PermeateFree said:

ChrispenEvan said:

It has only been posted as a dig at some forum members.

I gave you a google reference to many, what more do you want? Do you want me to read them for you?

Do you have a melodious voice?

No one outdoes Morgan Freeman. No one.

Arts said:

sibeen said:

PermeateFree said:

I gave you a google reference to many, what more do you want? Do you want me to read them for you?

Do you have a melodious voice?

No one outdoes Morgan Freeman. No one.

what about Richard Mercer

SCIENCE said:

Arts said:

sibeen said:

Do you have a melodious voice?

No one outdoes Morgan Freeman. No one.

what about Richard Mercer

Richard Burton was probably the best.

sibeen said:

SCIENCE said:

Arts said:

No one outdoes Morgan Freeman. No one.

what about Richard Mercer

Richard Burton was probably the best.

Attenborough.

sibeen said:

SCIENCE said:

Arts said:

No one outdoes Morgan Freeman. No one.

what about Richard Mercer

Richard Burton was probably the best.

Fucking Philistines.

Arts said:

sibeen said:

SCIENCE said:

what about Richard Mercer

Richard Burton was probably the best.

Fucking Philistines.

Yeah, hypocrites.

Tau.Neutrino said:

Arts said:

sibeen said:

Richard Burton was probably the best.

Fucking Philistines.

Yeah, hypocrites.

bleach

SCIENCE said:

Tau.Neutrino said:

Arts said:

Fucking Philistines.

Yeah, hypocrites.

bleach

“And then I see the disinfectant where it knocks it out in a minute. One minute. And is there a way we can do something like that, by injection inside or almost a cleaning?

“So it’d be interesting to check that.”

Pointing to his head, Mr Trump went on: “I’m not a doctor. But I’m, like, a person that has a good you-know-what.”

Yul Brynner. Martin Shaw.