Reasons to not wear a face mask

(link opens video)

Rule 303 said:

Reasons to not wear a face mask

(link opens video)

if this says ‘none wear a fucking mask’ I am going to be disappointed.

chronic dickishness.

that’s added to the vocab.

Arts said:

Rule 303 said:

Reasons to not wear a face mask

(link opens video)

if this says ‘none wear a fucking mask’ I am going to be disappointed.

It’s more nuanced

Arts said:

Rule 303 said:

Reasons to not wear a face mask

(link opens video)

if this says ‘none wear a fucking mask’ I am going to be disappointed.

It didn’t disappoint me.

Arts said:

chronic dickishness.

that’s added to the vocab.

Mine as well.
right below cuntishness.

roughbarked said:

Arts said:

Rule 303 said:

Reasons to not wear a face mask

(link opens video)

if this says ‘none wear a fucking mask’ I am going to be disappointed.

It didn’t disappoint me.

It could have gone in the covid memes thread. Cos it wasn’t really funny. Or was it?

roughbarked said:

Arts said:

chronic dickishness.

that’s added to the vocab.

Mine as well.
right below cuntishness.

I don’t really like that word and have only used it a couple of times when it’s been the only appropriate word I had. I like to keep some words as polished as possible so when it actually gets used it means something.

sarahs mum said:

roughbarked said:

Arts said:

if this says ‘none wear a fucking mask’ I am going to be disappointed.

It didn’t disappoint me.

It could have gone in the covid memes thread. Cos it wasn’t really funny. Or was it?

Ah, I saw the slightly funny side to it. At least I smiled.

Arts said:

roughbarked said:

Arts said:

chronic dickishness.

that’s added to the vocab.

Mine as well.
right below cuntishness.

I don’t really like that word and have only used it a couple of times when it’s been the only appropriate word I had. I like to keep some words as polished as possible so when it actually gets used it means something.

I try not to use any, if it can be helped. I was simply listing it alphabetically.

sarahs mum said:

roughbarked said:

Arts said:

if this says ‘none wear a fucking mask’ I am going to be disappointed.

It didn’t disappoint me.

It could have gone in the covid memes thread. Cos it wasn’t really funny. Or was it?

apparently we are reinstating Friday funnies

sarahs mum said:

roughbarked said:

Arts said:

if this says ‘none wear a fucking mask’ I am going to be disappointed.

It didn’t disappoint me.

It could have gone in the covid memes thread. Cos it wasn’t really funny. Or was it?

Well, it wasn’t funny as such, it was trying to make a serious point. Calling a dickhead a dickhead isn’t really funny.

party_pants said:

sarahs mum said:

roughbarked said:

It didn’t disappoint me.

It could have gone in the covid memes thread. Cos it wasn’t really funny. Or was it?

Well, it wasn’t funny as such, it was trying to make a serious point. Calling a dickhead a dickhead isn’t really funny.

No but the delivery was.

roughbarked said:

party_pants said:

sarahs mum said:

It could have gone in the covid memes thread. Cos it wasn’t really funny. Or was it?

Well, it wasn’t funny as such, it was trying to make a serious point. Calling a dickhead a dickhead isn’t really funny.

No but the delivery was.

yeah It was actually not a waste of time.

Arts said:

roughbarked said:

Arts said:

chronic dickishness.

that’s added to the vocab.

Mine as well.
right below cuntishness.

I don’t really like that word and have only used it a couple of times when it’s been the only appropriate word I had. I like to keep some words as polished as possible so when it actually gets used it means something.

Indeed. Like that one time in the ’80s when my mother described someone as “A bastard”.

I think I need to inject some funnies into this thread.

mollwollfumble said:

I think I need to inject some funnies into this thread.

That’s a ver small cat.

roughbarked said:

mollwollfumble said:

I think I need to inject some funnies into this thread.

That’s a ver small cat.

Inadvertent science experiments can make great photos. 67 on this link.

https://www.boredpanda.com/accidental-science-experiments/

When a frog eats fireflies.

When a cabbage is left too long in the fridge.

This is what happens when you polish a coconut.

Just m&ms in a dish of water.

Lightning hit the flag.

How water freezes on a spinning wheel.

A highlighter in a microwave oven.

mollwollfumble said:

roughbarked said:

mollwollfumble said:

I think I need to inject some funnies into this thread.

That’s a ver small cat.

Inadvertent science experiments can make great photos. 67 on this link.

https://www.boredpanda.com/accidental-science-experiments/

When a frog eats fireflies.

When a cabbage is left too long in the fridge.

This is what happens when you polish a coconut.

Just m&ms in a dish of water.

Lightning hit the flag.

How water freezes on a spinning wheel.

A highlighter in a microwave oven.

The caption says: #63 Let An Onion Go Bad In The Fridge. This Is What Happens Apparently.

Fact: This onion isn’t bad. It is just making new spring onions. Plant it out in the sun and see.

roughbarked said:

The caption says: #63 Let An Onion Go Bad In The Fridge. This Is What Happens Apparently.

Fact: This onion isn’t bad. It is just making new spring onions. Plant it out in the sun and see.

I have planted actual spring onion stumps in my herb pot and they look like that within a day or two. It’s amazing how quickly they get started.

Speedy said:

roughbarked said:

The caption says: #63 Let An Onion Go Bad In The Fridge. This Is What Happens Apparently.

Fact: This onion isn’t bad. It is just making new spring onions. Plant it out in the sun and see.

I have planted actual spring onion stumps in my herb pot and they look like that within a day or two. It’s amazing how quickly they get started.

If the people at bored panda have actually smelled or handled a bad onion, they’d never get that wrong again.

roughbarked said:

Speedy said:

roughbarked said:

The caption says: #63 Let An Onion Go Bad In The Fridge. This Is What Happens Apparently.

Fact: This onion isn’t bad. It is just making new spring onions. Plant it out in the sun and see.

I have planted actual spring onion stumps in my herb pot and they look like that within a day or two. It’s amazing how quickly they get started.

If the people at bored panda have actually smelled or handled a bad onion, they’d never get that wrong again.

You guys suck at Friday Funnies.

My wife’s gone to Jamaica.

Bubblecar said:

My wife’s gone to Jamaica.

Jesus.

Bubblecar said:

My wife’s gone to Jamaica.

I don’t get it. I thought you were homosexual.

wanders off

Bubblecar said:

My wife’s gone to Jamaica.

Man 1: My wife’s gone to the West Indies
Man 2: Oh, Jamaica?
Man 1: No, she went of her own accord

BOOM TISH

Rule 303 said:

roughbarked said:

Speedy said:

I have planted actual spring onion stumps in my herb pot and they look like that within a day or two. It’s amazing how quickly they get started.

If the people at bored panda have actually smelled or handled a bad onion, they’d never get that wrong again.

You guys suck at Friday Funnies.

I’ve usually run out of jokes by Friday.

Krebbs: My dog has 1 x nose.
Ptolemy: Well that’s fortunate. Dogs with no noses must find life pretty damn confusing.
Krebbs: Terrible.

party_pants said:

Bubblecar said:

My wife’s gone to Jamaica.

Man 1: My wife’s gone to the West Indies
Man 2: Oh, Jamaica?
Man 1: No, she went of her own accord

BOOM TISH

sigh

Bubblecar said:

Krebbs: My dog has 1 x nose.
Ptolemy: Well that’s fortunate. Dogs with no noses must find life pretty damn confusing.
Krebbs: Terrible.

you’re not doing it right.

Haribo SUGAR FREE Classic Gummi Bears. Product review on Amazon.

Jason Ellenburg
5.0 out of 5 stars Performed exactly as advertised
Reviewed in the United States on December 24, 2014

To preface this, I will state that it is not good to upset anyone in the military supply network. This is especially true for a supply NCO (non-commissioned officer) who can be both creative and vindictive to those who earn his ire.

One of my biggest pet peeves was troopies who walked into my supply room and decided to go through things on my counter or desk. It is for this reason that I purchased two bags of these sweet little revenge snacks.

I briefed my minions that morning that the snacks were to be unsullied by their hands. I told them that I would know and it would not go unpunished by both myself and the higher powers. They thought I was joking, but decided to not test my authority before my eyes.

With that said, I placed the bowl on the back part of the counter just in reach of anyone loitering inside my supply room. The rules were posted for all to see when they came in. So, they were warned. A large sign that said, “If you touch my stuff, you will be punished.” They decided to test me, I guess.

On this weekend, we were set to do general cleaning and maintenance within the Battalion. So, my desk was rather busy (Battalion Headquarters supply room). I was in and out of my office all day. However, I made sure to take general measurements of my bowl of horror every time I came back.

Shortly before lunch, my unholy wrath began to strike. My supply room is one door down from the latrines and the row of male commodes is on the other side of the wall from my desk. It was the first, but was not the last.

It was initially heralded by the sound of Gabriel’s trumpet escaping the sphincter of one poor soul. He hit the latrine and sounded as if he kicked the stall door open. For the next thirty minutes, I listened to the sounds of a live humpback whale being butchered by a blind man wielding a chainsaw.

It was not long before another troop, this time a female, made her way to the latrine. She came from the indoor pistol range and had to cross in front of my door. I saw a pale woman with sweat streaking her face. She was hobbling with one hand on the wall for support and the other on her stomach praying for just a little more time.

For lunch, I ripped into an MRE (the Army brown bag lunch) and listened to the ever-growing chorus of those who had so far snuck down half of my bowl of brightly-colored Improvised Colon Explosive Devices. I was not sure if the other side of the building was seeing the same activity in the latrines, but the smell reached my door by the end of lunch. Good thing I was stationed with an Infantry unit for the first four years of my career, so I was accustomed to bad odors.

One of my minions did not return from lunch, so I volunteered another to perform a possibly suicidal scouting mission into the male latrine in search of my wayward soul. He was there, and had been since the beginning of lunch.

By 15:00 (3:PM), I was told that the unit was being locked down and there was an emergency meeting in the Battalion briefing room. I had a suspicion of the reason, but attended as I was ordered to do so. By this time, my bowl of gelatinous bowel howitzer ammunition was one quarter filled.

The meeting began slightly off schedule. At 15:22, the Sergeant Major walked into the room and looked as if he had just performed a three-day combat operation without sleep. The Battalion X.O. walked in not long after and looked as if he had been intimately assaulted by a rather insistent horse. I used all of my military bearing to keep from cracking a joke about cavalry officers walking bow-legged.

The Battalion Surgeon walked in and told us that there was a high chance that the unit had come in contact with a strange stomach bug. Roughly half of the battalion was complaining of stomach cramps and explosive diarrhea. It seemed to mostly be affecting HHC (the headquarters) and C Co. (the company that was on the same side of the building as us—also the medics). Until symptoms cleared up, the unit was in lock-down and cleaning mode.

I went back to my supply room with the intent to bag up the remaining evidence of my involvement only to find that the bowl was missing. My minions were too wrapped up to notice anything, though. So, I began a search for the evidence that would probably land me in front of a firing squad.

The empty bowl was located in the admin offices. Someone found it and decided to liberate it from my supply room for the only group that I didn’t want to upset. But, they had already consumed the remainder of the biological weapons. As I left with the bowl, I heard the familiar sound of incoming fire from the senior pay clerk’s desk, followed shortly after by what sounded like Lamaze breathing.

That weekend, the entire building was cleaned from one side to the other. MREs were consumed in the hopes of plugging the torrential flood of liquid terror and every door and window was opened with fans going over a cup of pinesol in every room. Three-quarters of the enlisted and half of the officers were hit with the mystery stomach bug and the medical supply room was in desperate need of more I.V. kits.

I don’t know if my message got across, but it was definitely an entertaining weekend.

4,426 people found this helpful

dv said:

That’s his arse you are looking at.

dv said:

The collapse, definitely.
Or off a ladder.

dv said:

He has got hair down to his knees, though.

sibeen said:

dv said:

He has got hair down to his knees, though.

He has has feet down below his knees which is pretty usual

dv said:

sibeen said:

dv said:

He has got hair down to his knees, though.

He has has feet down below his knees which is pretty usual

The walrus gumboot will give him straight up.

The Ballad Of Bunnings Karen by Sammy J.

Has got talent.

sibeen said:

dv said:

sibeen said:

He has got hair down to his knees, though.

He has has feet down below his knees which is pretty usual

The walrus gumboot will give him straight up.

googoogoojoob.

Bubblecar said:

:)

… and she looks such a nice woman.

Bubblecar said:

LOL

dv said:

LOL :)

I like that one

party_pants said:

dv said:

LOL :)

I like that one

Donner und Blitz

Tamb said:

party_pants said:

dv said:

LOL :)

I like that one

Donner und Blitz

Thunderbolt and Lightning.

dv said:

Gallileo Gallileo.

Rule 303 said:

:)

In terms of shrinkage, this is like taking steroids before swimming in Antarctic waters without a wetsuit.

https://www.abc.net.au/news/2020-07-31/donald-trump-election-delay-economy-distraction-coronavirus/12504148

hmmm

This should go in the “Is America Great Again” and US election thread, but what the heck.

This cartoon dates from when America was Great, specifically from 1964. So, you can see that America is Great again, because nothing has changed.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Up7L0xvR45o

Some stand-up. Simon Evans on (English) football. 2 minutes.

Ziva-isms from ncis fandom.
https://ncis.fandom.com/wiki/Ziva-Isms

Mangled colloquialisms

“Does a bear sit in the woods”
“Just a blimp on the radar”
“A porcuswine … a porcupig”
“Spic and spam”
“On the goat .. on the sheep” instead of “on the lam”
“Everyone’s avoiding me. I’m being treated like a leopard”
“You need to cut the man some slacks”
etc.

See the whole lot on the link above.

Well, not the whole set. They missed:

“May a mouse ne’er leave your girdle with a tear drop in its eye”