How long should courtship last ?

Just wondering

Seems that there is a range from 3 months to 2 years, with lots of variables to consider.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Courtship

https://rocworld.wordpress.com/2017/03/27/whats-courtship-and-its-normal-time-length/

https://newrepublic.com/article/116571/unless-youre-shirley-temple-longer-courtship-means-happier-marriage

Why get married at all?

100 Ms

Tau.Neutrino said:

How long should courtship last ?

Just wondering

Seems that there is a range from 3 months to 2 years, with lots of variables to consider.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Courtship

https://rocworld.wordpress.com/2017/03/27/whats-courtship-and-its-normal-time-length/

https://newrepublic.com/article/116571/unless-youre-shirley-temple-longer-courtship-means-happier-marriage

At the pace that the couple are comfortable with …I don’t believe there is generic answer to this question.

Eddie’s father sucked at it.

Divine Angel said:

Why get married at all?

Really good party.

Legally simpler.

… that’s all I’ve got.

Not at all in my opinion, it is an outdated tradition that should be quietly dropped.

party_pants said:

Not at all in my opinion, it is an outdated tradition that should be quietly dropped.

I disagree on the grounds that people test drive a car before buying , surely you test drive a relationship with more vigour before jumping into the next level.

party_pants said:

it is an outdated tradition that should be quietly dropped

^

Peak Warming Man said:

Eddie’s father sucked at it.

I thought Herman was quite a good father figure.

Tau.Neutrino said:

How long should courtship last ?

Just wondering

Seems that there is a range from 3 months to 2 years, with lots of variables to consider.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Courtship

https://rocworld.wordpress.com/2017/03/27/whats-courtship-and-its-normal-time-length/

https://newrepublic.com/article/116571/unless-youre-shirley-temple-longer-courtship-means-happier-marriage

> How long should courtship last ?

Tough question. I wonder if you can figure out how many sex partners a person has had by how long the courtship takes.

> Why get married at all?

That one’s easy. Tax advantages. Also helps in keeping STIs at bay.

Think of it like a business contract. You can have a $200,000 business agreement without a contract, but it helps.

party_pants said:

Not at all in my opinion, it is an outdated tradition that should be quietly dropped.

There are many bits that are out-dated, I agree, but it is, at the very least, a public statement of the couple’s intention to stay together in the future (as distinct from de Facto, which is based upon their being together in the past).

It also gives the couple’s friends and family an opportunity to show their support for the union.

There are some tricky legal aspects (you might remember the same-sex marriage debate) that it solves, too.

SCIENCE said:

party_pants said:

it is an outdated tradition that should be quietly dropped

^

Arranged marriages are the go? Sight unseen?

Rule 303 said:

Divine Angel said:

Why get married at all?

Really good party.

Legally simpler.

… that’s all I’ve got.

Mr Mutant’s worst fear is being the centre of attention. He’d hate a wedding. Everything’s in our joint names, we’ve been together over 12 years now. Also solves moll’s STI worries.

monkey skipper said:

party_pants said:

Not at all in my opinion, it is an outdated tradition that should be quietly dropped.

I disagree on the grounds that people test drive a car before buying , surely you test drive a relationship with more vigour before jumping into the next level.

Maybe we have a different definition of courtship. I’m thinking of the formal Victorian era process, that is being revived in some ultra-orthodox religious groups (e.g. evangelicals in the USA). The couple are not permitted the luxury of time together or time alone, they are always chaperoned or supervised. Some are as strict as no kissing or holding hands. They are only allowed to talk to each other. The next step on from this is engagement and then marriage. The courtship thing is an exclusive arrangement, the couples are not allowed to get too friendly on speaking terms with anyone else. It is sort of like “going steady” but with no time alone unsupervised.

There is no test drive here, it is reading the pamphlets and brochures only.

Witty Rejoinder said:

SCIENCE said:

party_pants said:

it is an outdated tradition that should be quietly dropped

^

Arranged marriages are the go? Sight unseen?

uh

arrange whatever you like but marriage is still outdated

party_pants said:

monkey skipper said:

party_pants said:

Not at all in my opinion, it is an outdated tradition that should be quietly dropped.

I disagree on the grounds that people test drive a car before buying , surely you test drive a relationship with more vigour before jumping into the next level.

Maybe we have a different definition of courtship. I’m thinking of the formal Victorian era process, that is being revived in some ultra-orthodox religious groups (e.g. evangelicals in the USA). The couple are not permitted the luxury of time together or time alone, they are always chaperoned or supervised. Some are as strict as no kissing or holding hands. They are only allowed to talk to each other. The next step on from this is engagement and then marriage. The courtship thing is an exclusive arrangement, the couples are not allowed to get too friendly on speaking terms with anyone else. It is sort of like “going steady” but with no time alone unsupervised.

There is no test drive here, it is reading the pamphlets and brochures only.

I suppose people read the bio of a person on their social media page .. do they? :D

Divine Angel said:

Rule 303 said:

Divine Angel said:

Why get married at all?

Really good party.

Legally simpler.

… that’s all I’ve got.

Mr Mutant’s worst fear is being the centre of attention. He’d hate a wedding. Everything’s in our joint names, we’ve been together over 12 years now. Also solves moll’s STI worries.

Do what makes you happy. I personally found the ‘opportunity to celebrate the…’ stuff pretty compelling, but meh.

From a social cohesion perspective, I believe Australia would be better off with a few more rites of passage, but not if it makes you miserable, and marriages (even the most modern ones, that we all like to think are highly indivisualised) share some strongly prescribed elements.

Spag bol except the spag was replaced with fresh gnocchi. Very nice.

sibeen said:

Spag bol except the spag was replaced with fresh gnocchi. Very nice.

Damn, the forum software must have missed a beat and it put this in the wrong thread.

sibeen said:

Spag bol except the spag was replaced with fresh gnocchi. Very nice.

I don’t even want to know how that became a courtship ritual.

Rule 303 said:

sibeen said:

Spag bol except the spag was replaced with fresh gnocchi. Very nice.

I don’t even want to know how that became a courtship ritual.

she laughs

Rule 303 said:

sibeen said:

Spag bol except the spag was replaced with fresh gnocchi. Very nice.

I don’t even want to know how that became a courtship ritual.

Not the best thing to cook on a first date.

I don’t know why some think the term “courtship” only applies to how some religious extremists do it in the USA.

If people are going to make a commitment to live with each other long term, or course they should spend some time getting to know each other.

I’d say min. 6 months makes sense.

As for whether marriage is still a worthwhile legal arrangement.

Of course it is.

The Rev Dodgson said:

I don’t know why some think the term “courtship” only applies to how some religious extremists do it in the USA.

If people are going to make a commitment to live with each other long term, or course they should spend some time getting to know each other.

I’d say min. 6 months makes sense.

As for whether marriage is still a worthwhile legal arrangement.

Of course it is.

Because I know of people who were doing it… my nephew. When asked if he had a girl friend it was always “sort of, we’re courting, not dating” sort of response. Her father is very strictly religious and set rules on the whole process. I hadn’t heard of it as a thing before then, I thought it was just a quaint old word. But no, some people use a clearly defined concept of “courtship” as distinct from dinner and movie type dating.

the proposition that might answer your Q, is what indicates the courtship phase if over

if I could move the idea on a bit, consider well-matured relationships allow for practical or functional ignoring the other, if I can say that in a positive way

back to the courtship phase, this could be said to be a stage of heightened receptivity, and serves shared input for (later) raising offspring

transition said:

the proposition that might answer your Q, is what indicates the courtship phase if over

if I could move the idea on a bit, consider well-matured relationships allow for practical or functional ignoring the other, if I can say that in a positive way

back to the courtship phase, this could be said to be a stage of heightened receptivity, and serves shared input for (later) raising offspring

is over

party_pants said:

The Rev Dodgson said:

I don’t know why some think the term “courtship” only applies to how some religious extremists do it in the USA.

If people are going to make a commitment to live with each other long term, or course they should spend some time getting to know each other.

I’d say min. 6 months makes sense.

As for whether marriage is still a worthwhile legal arrangement.

Of course it is.

Because I know of people who were doing it… my nephew. When asked if he had a girl friend it was always “sort of, we’re courting, not dating” sort of response. Her father is very strictly religious and set rules on the whole process. I hadn’t heard of it as a thing before then, I thought it was just a quaint old word. But no, some people use a clearly defined concept of “courtship” as distinct from dinner and movie type dating.

Lutherans? I’ve told you here before about one of my staff. There are a lot of Lutherans around here. The fellow asked her father if he could court her. Then they went out only in groups of church people. Fortunately she did actually know him from childhood, so she wasn’t just being paired off by her father with someone she didn’t know. As far as I know they may have held hands. No kissing until the alter on the wedding day. (We found an excuse to be unavailable to go to the wedding. I didn’t think I could handle it). Her father told her on her wedding day that she belonged to her husband now. She’s been popping a baby about every 12 months since. I think they are up to 5 now. I know there can be no contraception, the husband’s mother and I think all of the family is part of the Right to Life movement, even to those pilgrimage walks they do. (Yes, I’m very anti Margaret Tighe and Right to Life) The Lutherans around here are pretty strict. Another couple of my patients married later in life in what I can only describe as an arranged marriage. Neither had been married before. The bloke’s mother was also my patient and she told me about him going to some sort of gathering where they paired off. I think it was for the ones who hadn’t been paired off younger. Or something.

buffy said:

party_pants said:

The Rev Dodgson said:

I don’t know why some think the term “courtship” only applies to how some religious extremists do it in the USA.

If people are going to make a commitment to live with each other long term, or course they should spend some time getting to know each other.

I’d say min. 6 months makes sense.

As for whether marriage is still a worthwhile legal arrangement.

Of course it is.

Because I know of people who were doing it… my nephew. When asked if he had a girl friend it was always “sort of, we’re courting, not dating” sort of response. Her father is very strictly religious and set rules on the whole process. I hadn’t heard of it as a thing before then, I thought it was just a quaint old word. But no, some people use a clearly defined concept of “courtship” as distinct from dinner and movie type dating.

Lutherans? I’ve told you here before about one of my staff. There are a lot of Lutherans around here. The fellow asked her father if he could court her. Then they went out only in groups of church people. Fortunately she did actually know him from childhood, so she wasn’t just being paired off by her father with someone she didn’t know. As far as I know they may have held hands. No kissing until the alter on the wedding day. (We found an excuse to be unavailable to go to the wedding. I didn’t think I could handle it). Her father told her on her wedding day that she belonged to her husband now. She’s been popping a baby about every 12 months since. I think they are up to 5 now. I know there can be no contraception, the husband’s mother and I think all of the family is part of the Right to Life movement, even to those pilgrimage walks they do. (Yes, I’m very anti Margaret Tighe and Right to Life) The Lutherans around here are pretty strict. Another couple of my patients married later in life in what I can only describe as an arranged marriage. Neither had been married before. The bloke’s mother was also my patient and she told me about him going to some sort of gathering where they paired off. I think it was for the ones who hadn’t been paired off younger. Or something.

Not Lutherans, but some other independent denomination. They had their own church. My sister and BiL attended for a while but it was too strict and conservative. However, long enough for my nephew to be totally smitten by this girl. She’s very nice, but a bit standoff-ish with us.

party_pants said:

buffy said:

party_pants said:

Because I know of people who were doing it… my nephew. When asked if he had a girl friend it was always “sort of, we’re courting, not dating” sort of response. Her father is very strictly religious and set rules on the whole process. I hadn’t heard of it as a thing before then, I thought it was just a quaint old word. But no, some people use a clearly defined concept of “courtship” as distinct from dinner and movie type dating.

Lutherans? I’ve told you here before about one of my staff. There are a lot of Lutherans around here. The fellow asked her father if he could court her. Then they went out only in groups of church people. Fortunately she did actually know him from childhood, so she wasn’t just being paired off by her father with someone she didn’t know. As far as I know they may have held hands. No kissing until the alter on the wedding day. (We found an excuse to be unavailable to go to the wedding. I didn’t think I could handle it). Her father told her on her wedding day that she belonged to her husband now. She’s been popping a baby about every 12 months since. I think they are up to 5 now. I know there can be no contraception, the husband’s mother and I think all of the family is part of the Right to Life movement, even to those pilgrimage walks they do. (Yes, I’m very anti Margaret Tighe and Right to Life) The Lutherans around here are pretty strict. Another couple of my patients married later in life in what I can only describe as an arranged marriage. Neither had been married before. The bloke’s mother was also my patient and she told me about him going to some sort of gathering where they paired off. I think it was for the ones who hadn’t been paired off younger. Or something.

Not Lutherans, but some other independent denomination. They had their own church. My sister and BiL attended for a while but it was too strict and conservative. However, long enough for my nephew to be totally smitten by this girl. She’s very nice, but a bit standoff-ish with us.

Probably because you’re some sort of heathen or satan worshipper or atheist. All the same thing really.

sibeen said:

party_pants said:

buffy said:

Lutherans? I’ve told you here before about one of my staff. There are a lot of Lutherans around here. The fellow asked her father if he could court her. Then they went out only in groups of church people. Fortunately she did actually know him from childhood, so she wasn’t just being paired off by her father with someone she didn’t know. As far as I know they may have held hands. No kissing until the alter on the wedding day. (We found an excuse to be unavailable to go to the wedding. I didn’t think I could handle it). Her father told her on her wedding day that she belonged to her husband now. She’s been popping a baby about every 12 months since. I think they are up to 5 now. I know there can be no contraception, the husband’s mother and I think all of the family is part of the Right to Life movement, even to those pilgrimage walks they do. (Yes, I’m very anti Margaret Tighe and Right to Life) The Lutherans around here are pretty strict. Another couple of my patients married later in life in what I can only describe as an arranged marriage. Neither had been married before. The bloke’s mother was also my patient and she told me about him going to some sort of gathering where they paired off. I think it was for the ones who hadn’t been paired off younger. Or something.

Not Lutherans, but some other independent denomination. They had their own church. My sister and BiL attended for a while but it was too strict and conservative. However, long enough for my nephew to be totally smitten by this girl. She’s very nice, but a bit standoff-ish with us.

Probably because you’re some sort of heathen or satan worshipper or atheist. All the same thing really.

Yes, I’m in the atheist branch of the family. It is complicated, we can have the full range at one extended gathering. But somehow we all get along.

party_pants said:

sibeen said:

party_pants said:

Not Lutherans, but some other independent denomination. They had their own church. My sister and BiL attended for a while but it was too strict and conservative. However, long enough for my nephew to be totally smitten by this girl. She’s very nice, but a bit standoff-ish with us.

Probably because you’re some sort of heathen or satan worshipper or atheist. All the same thing really.

Yes, I’m in the atheist branch of the family. It is complicated, we can have the full range at one extended gathering. But somehow we all get along.

Potentially I could have been baptised as a Lutheran except my grandmother refused to allow my mother and her brother to baptised as Lutheran not for the nagging of my grandfather though.

According to my grandmother , since she did the hard bit of giving birth , she could then decide what their religion would be listed on the christening certificate.

My father wasn’t baptised but if he had been then he would have been Lutheran. He was an attheist.

Well when I say nothing planned I will be having a look at getting the brush cutter started.