Is there a quiz on the web that will tell me how I’m going to die? It could be very useful to know.

If not, I’ve made up a temporary quiz to answer the question. Closest answer.

1. How old am I?
a) Older than you, boyo -1
b) I haven’t started living yet 0
c) Comfortably partnered 1
d) Is that a maths question? 2

2. What parts of me are starting to fall apart?
a) Joints -2
b) Brain 0
c) Bowels 2
d) Lungs 4

3. Sex?
a) Yes please -4
b) No thanks 0
c) Not with you 4
d) … unless I’m really really drunk 8

4. Weight?
a) A planet orbits me -8
b) I invented antigravity 0
c) Average for age 8
d) Average for a bighorn sheep, 70 kg 16

5. I love?
a) Nature -16
b) My pet 0
c) Family 16
d) Money 32

6. How social am I?
a) I have more than a hundred friends -32
b) … outside of facebook 0
c) “I love humanity, it’s people I hate”, Linus 32
d) I hate socialists and socialites, they’re the same, right 64

7. Bad habits?
a) Gambling or shopping -64
b) Smoking or drugs 0
c) Sugar or fat 64
d) No bad habits (other than lying) 128

Add up the scores, don’t tell me the answers. If the sum is less then or equal to zero add 254.

Tell me the score and I’ll tell how I’m going to die.

mollwollfumble said:

Is there a quiz on the web that will tell me how I’m going to die? It could be very useful to know.

If not, I’ve made up a temporary quiz to answer the question. Closest answer.

1. How old am I?
a) Older than you, boyo -1
b) I haven’t started living yet 0
c) Comfortably partnered 1
d) Is that a maths question? 2

2. What parts of me are starting to fall apart?
a) Joints -2
b) Brain 0
c) Bowels 2
d) Lungs 4

3. Sex?
a) Yes please -4
b) No thanks 0
c) Not with you 4
d) … unless I’m really really drunk 8

4. Weight?
a) A planet orbits me -8
b) I invented antigravity 0
c) Average for age 8
d) Average for a bighorn sheep, 70 kg 16

5. I love?
a) Nature -16
b) My pet 0
c) Family 16
d) Money 32

6. How social am I?
a) I have more than a hundred friends -32
b) … outside of facebook 0
c) “I love humanity, it’s people I hate”, Linus 32
d) I hate socialists and socialites, they’re the same, right 64

7. Bad habits?
a) Gambling or shopping -64
b) Smoking or drugs 0
c) Sugar or fat 64
d) No bad habits (other than lying) 128

Add up the scores, don’t tell me the answers. If the sum is less then or equal to zero add 254.

Tell me the score and I’ll tell how I’m going to die.

Yo is surely nutz?
You’ll possibly not remember how you died anyway.

roughbarked said:

Yo is surely nutz?
You’ll possibly not remember how you died anyway.

Humour me. (The only serious side of it is the maths).

roughbarked said:

mollwollfumble said:

Is there a quiz on the web that will tell me how I’m going to die? It could be very useful to know.

If not, I’ve made up a temporary quiz to answer the question. Closest answer.

1. How old am I?
a) Older than you, boyo -1
b) I haven’t started living yet 0
c) Comfortably partnered 1
d) Is that a maths question? 2

2. What parts of me are starting to fall apart?
a) Joints -2
b) Brain 0
c) Bowels 2
d) Lungs 4

3. Sex?
a) Yes please -4
b) No thanks 0
c) Not with you 4
d) … unless I’m really really drunk 8

4. Weight?
a) A planet orbits me -8
b) I invented antigravity 0
c) Average for age 8
d) Average for a bighorn sheep, 70 kg 16

5. I love?
a) Nature -16
b) My pet 0
c) Family 16
d) Money 32

6. How social am I?
a) I have more than a hundred friends -32
b) … outside of facebook 0
c) “I love humanity, it’s people I hate”, Linus 32
d) I hate socialists and socialites, they’re the same, right 64

7. Bad habits?
a) Gambling or shopping -64
b) Smoking or drugs 0
c) Sugar or fat 64
d) No bad habits (other than lying) 128

Add up the scores, don’t tell me the answers. If the sum is less then or equal to zero add 254.

Tell me the score and I’ll tell how I’m going to die.

Yo is surely nutz?
You’ll possibly not remember how you died anyway.

I thought that if I have to get heart bypass, unlikely to die as I’m assuming the surgical team is competent and if I do I wouldn’t know anyway

No one is answering the quiz?

What am I going to do with my list of 69 hilarious ways to die, then?

mollwollfumble said:

No one is answering the quiz?

What am I going to do with my list of 69 hilarious ways to die, then?

I don’t even understand the quiz.

Michael V said:

mollwollfumble said:

No one is answering the quiz?

What am I going to do with my list of 69 hilarious ways to die, then?

I don’t even understand the quiz.

Humour is not meant to be understood, jeez.

mollwollfumble said:

No one is answering the quiz?

What am I going to do with my list of 69 hilarious ways to die, then?

Stupid deaths stupid deaths, hope next one is not you ho hoo

Quietly in my sleep not screaming in terror like the passengers in the car

Cymek said:

Quietly in my sleep not screaming in terror like the passengers in the car

An oldie but a goodie.

Peak Warming Man said:

Cymek said:

Quietly in my sleep not screaming in terror like the passengers in the car

An oldie but a goodie.

That it is.

I want to die a young mans death.

Just to keep you happy:

254

Peak Warming Man said:

I want to die a young mans death.

in a war?

JudgeMental said:

Peak Warming Man said:

I want to die a young mans death.

in a war?

In a poem.

Peak Warming Man said:

I want to die a young mans death.

You may have missed your chance on that one.

Peak Warming Man said:

I want to die a young mans death.

Too late. Only the good die young.

I just want to dye a nice colour. Like Paisley.

roughbarked said:

Peak Warming Man said:

I want to die a young mans death.

Too late. Only the good die young.

Where those words came from (according to the Internet):

https://www.phrases.org.uk/bulletin_board/19/messages/351.html

JudgeMental said:

I just want to dye a nice colour. Like Paisley.

that’s a bit more floral than beige.

The Rev Dodgson said:

Just to keep you happy:

254

“Add up the scores, don’t tell me the answers. If the sum is less then or equal to zero add 254.”

Surely 254 should only be added if the result is < 0?

The Rev Dodgson said:

The Rev Dodgson said:

Just to keep you happy:

254

“Add up the scores, don’t tell me the answers. If the sum is less then or equal to zero add 254.”

Surely 254 should only be added if the result is < 0?

the number of deci-milli-metres in one inch. approx.

JudgeMental said:

The Rev Dodgson said:

The Rev Dodgson said:

Just to keep you happy:

254

“Add up the scores, don’t tell me the answers. If the sum is less then or equal to zero add 254.”

Surely 254 should only be added if the result is < 0?

the number of deci-milli-metres in one inch. approx.

Exact.

all I know is that I don’t want to die alone, which is why I am going for my pilots licence.

Arts said:

all I know is that I don’t want to die alone, which is why I am going for my pilots licence.

Nice one.