There you go.

Why did the dad joke cross the road?

To get to the other sigh.

Bubblecar said:

Why did the dad joke cross the road?

To get to the other sigh.

Very solid opening.

I probably shouldn’t tell Mr buffy I started this thread. You will all suffer.

Mothers and Aunts aren’t so needy that they require special joke threads.

Bump for SCIENCE

dv said:

Don’t give up your day job.

dv said:

dv said:

reminds us of when they told us to find stuff on eyghel tan

SCIENCE said:

dv said:

reminds us of when they told us to find stuff on eyghel tan

Peaches come from a can
They were put there by a man
In a factory downtown…

poikilotherm said:

Ha!

SCIENCE said:

dv said:

reminds us of when they told us to find stuff on eyghel tan

But where is the cereal?

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Isle_of_Grain

Bogsnorkler said:

:)

Michael Che on SNL:

President Trump has signed an executive order giving refugee status to white people from South Africa. Huh. You know, I could have sworn that white people had it good in South Africa. Must be the Mandela effect.

dv said:

Michael Che on SNL:

President Trump has signed an executive order giving refugee status to white people from South Africa. Huh. You know, I could have sworn that white people had it good in South Africa. Must be the Mandela effect.

‘sif, we’re pretty sure it was the Gandhi effect

dv said:

Michael Che on SNL:

President Trump has signed an executive order giving refugee status to white people from South Africa. Huh. You know, I could have sworn that white people had it good in South Africa. Must be the Mandela effect.

LOLOLOL

https://youtu.be/4pxwdJkj3Ts?si=k5ikNT109o61y2i2

Old fashioned joke

When I was at uni I was invited to a party by a girl I had a crush on (on whom I had a crush?); it was a number-themed party, and we (the girl, me, and two of her friends) were going as π. I was the decimal point, but she was the 4, which meant I had a miserable time, with someone between us the whole time. The main reason I went to the party was to spend some time next to her, but that just didn’t work. It was quite disappointing; I really thought she was the one.

btm said:

When I was at uni I was invited to a party by a girl I had a crush on (on whom I had a crush?); it was a number-themed party, and we (the girl, me, and two of her friends) were going as π. I was the decimal point, but she was the 4, which meant I had a miserable time, with someone between us the whole time. The main reason I went to the party was to spend some time next to her, but that just didn’t work. It was quite disappointing; I really thought she was the one.

Shakes head.

Divine Angel said:

groan

dv said:

how much ferreting did it take to get to that one

SCIENCE said:

dv said:

how much ferreting did it take to get to that one

I had to look up emic.

I’m not sure this is really a dad joke.

Although I suppose dv is a dad.

The Rev Dodgson said:

SCIENCE said:

dv said:

how much ferreting did it take to get to that one

I had to look up emic.

I’m not sure this is really a dad joke.

Although I suppose dv is a dad.

I think you might find the “joke” is in the word “unironically”…

furious said:

The Rev Dodgson said:

SCIENCE said:

how much ferreting did it take to get to that one

I had to look up emic.

I’m not sure this is really a dad joke.

Although I suppose dv is a dad.

I think you might find the “joke” is in the word “unironically”…

Unironed:

Tamb said:

furious said:

The Rev Dodgson said:

SCIENCE said:

dv said:

how much ferreting did it take to get to that one

I had to look up emic.

I’m not sure this is really a dad joke.

Although I suppose dv is a dad.

I think you might find the “joke” is in the word “unironically”…

Unironed:

we thought anaemic meant that the haemoglobin levels were decreased

SCIENCE said:

Tamb said:

furious said:

I think you might find the “joke” is in the word “unironically”…

Unironed:

we thought anaemic meant that the haemoglobin levels were decreased

Like this one

furious said:

The Rev Dodgson said:

SCIENCE said:

how much ferreting did it take to get to that one

I had to look up emic.

I’m not sure this is really a dad joke.

Although I suppose dv is a dad.

I think you might find the “joke” is in the word “unironically”…

doh! There I go over-complicating things again.

OK, a dad joke no question.

The Rev Dodgson said:

SCIENCE said:

dv said:

how much ferreting did it take to get to that one

I had to look up emic.

I’m not sure this is really a dad joke.

Although I suppose dv is a dad.

It’s got nothing to do with emic…

dv said:

The Rev Dodgson said:

SCIENCE said:

how much ferreting did it take to get to that one

I had to look up emic.

I’m not sure this is really a dad joke.

Although I suppose dv is a dad.

It’s got nothing to do with emic…

OK, I’ve ferreted out the point of it now, with the help of furious.

The Rev Dodgson said:

dv said:

The Rev Dodgson said:

I had to look up emic.

I’m not sure this is really a dad joke.

Although I suppose dv is a dad.

It’s got nothing to do with emic…

OK, I’ve ferreted out the point of it now, with the help of furious.

Maybe get a paternity test for those kids of yours.

The Rev Dodgson said:

dv said:

The Rev Dodgson said:

I had to look up emic.

I’m not sure this is really a dad joke.

Although I suppose dv is a dad.

It’s got nothing to do with emic…

OK, I’ve ferreted out the point of it now, with the help of furious.

Lot of ferreting in this thread.

Sheesh tough crowd damn.

I had an insulated vacuum flask tattooed onto my arm.

It’s a thermos tat.

fsm said:

I had an insulated vacuum flask tattooed onto my arm.

It’s a thermos tat.

:)

Michael V said:

fsm said:

I had an insulated vacuum flask tattooed onto my arm.

It’s a thermos tat.

:)

something something Billie Eilish something clothes off something bimetallic strip

SCIENCE said:

Michael V said:

fsm said:

I had an insulated vacuum flask tattooed onto my arm.

It’s a thermos tat.

:)

something something Billie Eilish something clothes off something bimetallic strip

Is she a bit of alright?

Peak Warming Man said:

SCIENCE said:

Michael V said:

:)

something something Billie Eilish something clothes off something bimetallic strip

Is she a bit of alright?

when she has curves she’s hot

“A million thanks to New Scientist magazine (Feedback 22 October 2025) for alerting me to the (serious, I promise) scientific paper by Paul Silvia and Meriel Burnett entitled,

What’s brown and sticky? Peering into the ineluctable comedic mystery of dad humor with a handful of machine learning models, hundreds of humans, and tens of thousands of dad jokes *

As well as the paper, the website hosts a downloadable list of, as promised, 32,000 jokes. The download is Joke Database.zip, just over 50 MB. When expanded it holds two datasets, one with the full 32k jokes (all gathered from Reddit) and the other a subset of 501 jokes the researchers put to a panel of human joke evaluators.
…”

See more at:
https://learn1.open.ac.uk/mod/oublog/viewpost.php?post=315525

(but I couldn’t find a link to the actual paper)

The Rev Dodgson said:

“A million thanks to New Scientist magazine (Feedback 22 October 2025) for alerting me to the (serious, I promise) scientific paper by Paul Silvia and Meriel Burnett entitled,

What’s brown and sticky? Peering into the ineluctable comedic mystery of dad humor with a handful of machine learning models, hundreds of humans, and tens of thousands of dad jokes *

As well as the paper, the website hosts a downloadable list of, as promised, 32,000 jokes. The download is Joke Database.zip, just over 50 MB. When expanded it holds two datasets, one with the full 32k jokes (all gathered from Reddit) and the other a subset of 501 jokes the researchers put to a panel of human joke evaluators.
…”

See more at:
https://learn1.open.ac.uk/mod/oublog/viewpost.php?post=315525

(but I couldn’t find a link to the actual paper)

https://osf.io/preprints/psyarxiv/ex2q7_v1

Link

A Stick: 2AbstractA stick, of course. This masterpiece of human creativity is an example of a dad joke, a clean, good-natured joke founded on puns, literalism, and wordplay. After unpacking the structures, contents, and comedic devices that distinguish dad jokes from related genres, the present research explored both the features of dad jokes that make them funny and the kinds of people who find them funny. Study 1coded over 32,000 jokes scraped from the Reddit r/dad jokes community. Ridge regression models found that a joke’s upvotes and comments were modestly predictable from its text and topic features(test sample R2=4.02%and 4.42%).After curating a hypercube subsample of 501 dad jokes, Study 2 found that both text features (e.g., concreteness, semantic distance, question framing) and topic features (e.g., moms, pregnancy, and numbers)predicted the funniness ratings made by adults (n= 621) much more effectively(cross-validated R2= 28.2%). Study 3 found that individual differences in people’s funniness ratings were associated with cultural conventionality(e.g., parenthood, more education, affluence, religiosity, and conservatism)and social boldness(e.g., need for uniqueness, low honesty-humility, and boldness; cross-validated R2= 32.4%),and that dads found the dad jokes funnier. Seemingly simple wordplay humor illuminates the psychology of verbal creativity and extends the psychology of aesthetics into art encounters that provoke feelings of amusement, playfulness, and absurdity. The coded dad jokes are freely available for researchers interested in studying humor or hassling their teenagers

JudgeMental said:

The Rev Dodgson said:

“A million thanks to New Scientist magazine (Feedback 22 October 2025) for alerting me to the (serious, I promise) scientific paper by Paul Silvia and Meriel Burnett entitled,

What’s brown and sticky? Peering into the ineluctable comedic mystery of dad humor with a handful of machine learning models, hundreds of humans, and tens of thousands of dad jokes *

As well as the paper, the website hosts a downloadable list of, as promised, 32,000 jokes. The download is Joke Database.zip, just over 50 MB. When expanded it holds two datasets, one with the full 32k jokes (all gathered from Reddit) and the other a subset of 501 jokes the researchers put to a panel of human joke evaluators.
…”

See more at:
https://learn1.open.ac.uk/mod/oublog/viewpost.php?post=315525

(but I couldn’t find a link to the actual paper)

https://osf.io/preprints/psyarxiv/ex2q7_v1

Link

A Stick: 2AbstractA stick, of course. This masterpiece of human creativity is an example of a dad joke, a clean, good-natured joke founded on puns, literalism, and wordplay. After unpacking the structures, contents, and comedic devices that distinguish dad jokes from related genres, the present research explored both the features of dad jokes that make them funny and the kinds of people who find them funny. Study 1coded over 32,000 jokes scraped from the Reddit r/dad jokes community. Ridge regression models found that a joke’s upvotes and comments were modestly predictable from its text and topic features(test sample R2=4.02%and 4.42%).After curating a hypercube subsample of 501 dad jokes, Study 2 found that both text features (e.g., concreteness, semantic distance, question framing) and topic features (e.g., moms, pregnancy, and numbers)predicted the funniness ratings made by adults (n= 621) much more effectively(cross-validated R2= 28.2%). Study 3 found that individual differences in people’s funniness ratings were associated with cultural conventionality(e.g., parenthood, more education, affluence, religiosity, and conservatism)and social boldness(e.g., need for uniqueness, low honesty-humility, and boldness; cross-validated R2= 32.4%),and that dads found the dad jokes funnier. Seemingly simple wordplay humor illuminates the psychology of verbal creativity and extends the psychology of aesthetics into art encounters that provoke feelings of amusement, playfulness, and absurdity. The coded dad jokes are freely available for researchers interested in studying humor or hassling their teenagers

Thanks Mr. Judge.

I am surprised by the apparent lack of interest in this important scientific work.

… but anyway:

What do you call a judge with no fingers?

Justice thumbs.

Why don’t you find much aspirin in Australia?

Because the parrots eat ‘em all.

The Rev Dodgson said:

… but anyway:

What do you call a judge with no fingers?

Justice thumbs.

Why don’t you find much aspirin in Australia?

Because the parrots eat ‘em all.

Well done lad, they were quite clever.

dv said:

they use signal because everything arises and falls away

dv said:

Would that work better for Jedi ?

Cymek said:

dv said:

Would that work better for Jedi ?

Kind of stupid, the Jedi rule about attachments. Breeding (or rather not breeding) themselves out of existence…

We’ve probably had this one before, but it raised a smile anyway:

Trump dies and ends up in hell.

The Devil tells Trump that as hell is full they’re operating a ‘one in, one out’ policy, but as he’s a president he can chose who to replace. He’s shown three doors.

Behind the first door is Obama pushing a huge boulder up a hill. When he gets to the top the boulder rolls down and he has to start again. ‘That looks like a lot of hard work’ thinks Trump.

Behind the next door is Bush constantly swinging a hammer to break a huge stone. Each time he breaks one a new one appears. ‘I’m not sure my back swing could do that’ thinks Trump.

Finally, behind the next door he sees Clinton tied to a bed, with Monica Lewinsky doing what she’s best known for. Every time he comes Clinton shouts out in agony ‘oh, no, not again’ as she starts over.

The devil comes up to Trump and asks if he’s made a decision. ‘Yes, I’ll take the third room’.

‘Ok’ says the Devil and opens the door. ‘Good news Monica, you’re off to heaven’.

The Rev Dodgson said:

We’ve probably had this one before, but it raised a smile anyway:

Trump dies and ends up in hell.

The Devil tells Trump that as hell is full they’re operating a ‘one in, one out’ policy, but as he’s a president he can chose who to replace. He’s shown three doors.

Behind the first door is Obama pushing a huge boulder up a hill. When he gets to the top the boulder rolls down and he has to start again. ‘That looks like a lot of hard work’ thinks Trump.

Behind the next door is Bush constantly swinging a hammer to break a huge stone. Each time he breaks one a new one appears. ‘I’m not sure my back swing could do that’ thinks Trump.

Finally, behind the next door he sees Clinton tied to a bed, with Monica Lewinsky doing what she’s best known for. Every time he comes Clinton shouts out in agony ‘oh, no, not again’ as she starts over.

The devil comes up to Trump and asks if he’s made a decision. ‘Yes, I’ll take the third room’.

‘Ok’ says the Devil and opens the door. ‘Good news Monica, you’re off to heaven’.

big and beautiful

https://www.facebook.com/share/r/1DXZ4nVSHY/

Death

Just to balance things up a bit, here’s a mum joke for you all:

One day, a little girl is sitting and watching her mother do the dishes at the kitchen sink. She suddenly notices that her mother has several strands of white hair sticking out in contrast on her brunette head. She looks at her mother and asks, “Why are some of your hairs white, mom?” Her mother replies, “Well, every time that you do something wrong and make me unhappy, one of my hairs turns white.” The little girl thinks about this for a while, and then says, “Wow, Momma, you must have really pissed off Grandma!”

The Rev Dodgson said:

Just to balance things up a bit, here’s a mum joke for you all:

One day, a little girl is sitting and watching her mother do the dishes at the kitchen sink. She suddenly notices that her mother has several strands of white hair sticking out in contrast on her brunette head. She looks at her mother and asks, “Why are some of your hairs white, mom?” Her mother replies, “Well, every time that you do something wrong and make me unhappy, one of my hairs turns white.” The little girl thinks about this for a while, and then says, “Wow, Momma, you must have really pissed off Grandma!”

Heh.

The Rev Dodgson said:

Just to balance things up a bit, here’s a mum joke for you all:

One day, a little girl is sitting and watching her mother do the dishes at the kitchen sink. She suddenly notices that her mother has several strands of white hair sticking out in contrast on her brunette head. She looks at her mother and asks, “Why are some of your hairs white, mom?” Her mother replies, “Well, every time that you do something wrong and make me unhappy, one of my hairs turns white.” The little girl thinks about this for a while, and then says, “Wow, Momma, you must have really pissed off Grandma!”

:)

Before my surgery the anesthesiologist offered to knock me out with gas or a boat paddle.
It was and ether/oar situation.

Peak Warming Man said:

Before my surgery the anesthesiologist offered to knock me out with gas or a boat paddle.
It was and ether/oar situation.

:)

Peak Warming Man said:

Before my surgery the anesthesiologist offered to knock me out with gas or a boat paddle.
It was and ether/oar situation.

…

Michael V said:

Peak Warming Man said:

Before my surgery the anesthesiologist offered to knock me out with gas or a boat paddle.
It was and ether/oar situation.

…

what a gas

SCIENCE said:

Michael V said:

Peak Warming Man said:

Before my surgery the anesthesiologist offered to knock me out with gas or a boat paddle.
It was and ether/oar situation.

…

what a gas

Jumpin’ Jack Flash.

Michael V said:

SCIENCE said:

Michael V said:

…

what a gas

Jumpin’ Jack Flash.

He’s a gas gas gas

roughbarked said:

Michael V said:

SCIENCE said:

what a gas

Jumpin’ Jack Flash.

He’s a gas gas gas

Good goddess this place is really predictable.

kii said:

roughbarked said:

Michael V said:

Jumpin’ Jack Flash.

He’s a gas gas gas

Good goddess this place is really predictable.

no shit that’s what gen爱 relies on

I come from a family of failed magicians. I’ve got 2 half sisters.

Kingy said:

I come from a family of failed magicians. I’ve got 2 half sisters.

That’s going into the Christmas bonbon joke pile.

Ah, I found Kingy’s secret

https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/s/hOAuODllwA

Divine Angel said:

Ah, I found Kingy’s secret

https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/s/hOAuODllwA

I’m busted. I’ve let you down, I’ve let myself down, I’ve let the stock market down.

Divine Angel said:

Ah, I found Kingy’s secret

https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/s/hOAuODllwA

For DA:
https://osf.io/kynm7/overview
Click on “Joke databases”, about half-way down the page. About 33,000 dad jokes.

Kingy said:

Divine Angel said:

Ah, I found Kingy’s secret

https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/s/hOAuODllwA

I’m busted. I’ve let you down, I’ve let myself down, I’ve let the stock market down.

There’s a joke with a similar punchline. Unfortunately I can’t recall the setup. Something about an inflatable boy with an inflatable family and an inflatable school.

btm said:

Divine Angel said:

Ah, I found Kingy’s secret

https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/s/hOAuODllwA

For DA:
https://osf.io/kynm7/overview
Click on “Joke databases”, about half-way down the page. About 33,000 dad jokes.

😎

Divine Angel said:

Kingy said:

Divine Angel said:

Ah, I found Kingy’s secret

https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/s/hOAuODllwA

I’m busted. I’ve let you down, I’ve let myself down, I’ve let the stock market down.

There’s a joke with a similar punchline. Unfortunately I can’t recall the setup. Something about an inflatable boy with an inflatable family and an inflatable school.

after those jumping castle incidents how dare yous

Divine Angel said:

Ah, I found Kingy’s secret

https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/s/hOAuODllwA

“A teenage boy is getting ready to take his girlfriend to the prom. First he goes to rent a tux, but there’s a long tux line at the shop and it takes forever.

Next, he has to get some flowers, so he heads over to the florist and there’s a huge flower line there. He waits forever but eventually gets the flowers.

Then he heads out to rent a limo. Unfortunately, there’s a large limo line at the rental office, but he’s patient and gets the job done.

Finally, the day of the prom comes. The two are dancing happily and his girlfriend is having a great time. When the song is over, she asks him to get her some punch, so he heads over to the punch table and there’s no punchline.”

Like.

:)

SCIENCE said:

Divine Angel said:

Kingy said:

I’m busted. I’ve let you down, I’ve let myself down, I’ve let the stock market down.

There’s a joke with a similar punchline. Unfortunately I can’t recall the setup. Something about an inflatable boy with an inflatable family and an inflatable school.

after those jumping castle incidents how dare yous

You’ve let your class down.
You’ve let the whole school down.
But most of all, you’ve let yourself down.

Part of Adam Hills’ routine.

The Rev Dodgson said:

SCIENCE said:

Divine Angel said:

There’s a joke with a similar punchline. Unfortunately I can’t recall the setup. Something about an inflatable boy with an inflatable family and an inflatable school.

after those jumping castle incidents how dare yous

You’ve let your class down.
You’ve let the whole school down.
But most of all, you’ve let yourself down.

Part of Adam Hills’ routine.

¿oxytocin

Divine Angel said:

Kingy said:

Divine Angel said:

Ah, I found Kingy’s secret

https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/s/hOAuODllwA

I’m busted. I’ve let you down, I’ve let myself down, I’ve let the stock market down.

There’s a joke with a similar punchline. Unfortunately I can’t recall the setup. Something about an inflatable boy with an inflatable family and an inflatable school.

Little Johnny Bladder.

ChrispenEvan said:

Divine Angel said:

Kingy said:

I’m busted. I’ve let you down, I’ve let myself down, I’ve let the stock market down.

There’s a joke with a similar punchline. Unfortunately I can’t recall the setup. Something about an inflatable boy with an inflatable family and an inflatable school.

Little Johnny Bladder.

Better than Little Johnny Goon Bag.

Little Johnny Onion got a skateboard for Christmas. First time out on it he got cleaned up by a car. Down at the hospital Mr and Mrs Onion had an anxious wait. After indeterminable hours the surgeon finally came out of the operating room. The approached Mr and Mrs Onion. I have some good news and some bad news. Little Johnny will live. Unfortunately he’ll be a vegetable for the rest of his life.

ChrispenEvan said:

Little Johnny Onion got a skateboard for Christmas. First time out on it he got cleaned up by a car. Down at the hospital Mr and Mrs Onion had an anxious wait. After indeterminable hours the surgeon finally came out of the operating room. The approached Mr and Mrs Onion. I have some good news and some bad news. Little Johnny will live. Unfortunately he’ll be a vegetable for the rest of his life.

now do Tom Ato wait

Eucalyptus are the only plants named after what they would say if you prune them.

What do you call a wombat interested in meteorology?
a BOMbat

What’s a geologist’s favourite Christmas song?
Jingle Bell Rock

Merry Xmas!

Kingy said:

Eucalyptus are the only plants named after what they would say if you prune them.

That’s what te sheep said to the shearer. Uclippedus.

An 80-year-old man was having his annual checkup when the doctor asked him how he was feeling.

“I’ve never been better! “ he boasted.

“I have an 18 year old young woman who is pregnant and expecting my child! What do you think? “

The doctor thought for a moment, then said:

“Let me tell you a story. I knew a passionate hunter. He never missed a season. But one day he rushed out and accidentally grabbed his umbrella instead of his gun.

The doctor continued:

“He was in the woods and suddenly a grizzly bear appeared in front of him! He raised his umbrella, pointed it at the bear and clutched the handle. And you know what happened? “ asked the doctor.

Stunned, the old man replied:

“No what? “

The doctor continued:

“The bear fell dead in front of him”.

“It’s impossible! “ exclaimed the old man.

“Someone else must have shot the bear”.

“That’s kind of what I meant”, the doctor replied.

The Rev Dodgson said:

An 80-year-old man was having his annual checkup when the doctor asked him how he was feeling.

“I’ve never been better! “ he boasted.

“I have an 18 year old young woman who is pregnant and expecting my child! What do you think? “

The doctor thought for a moment, then said:

“Let me tell you a story. I knew a passionate hunter. He never missed a season. But one day he rushed out and accidentally grabbed his umbrella instead of his gun.

The doctor continued:

“He was in the woods and suddenly a grizzly bear appeared in front of him! He raised his umbrella, pointed it at the bear and clutched the handle. And you know what happened? “ asked the doctor.

Stunned, the old man replied:

“No what? “

The doctor continued:

“The bear fell dead in front of him”.

“It’s impossible! “ exclaimed the old man.

“Someone else must have shot the bear”.

“That’s kind of what I meant”, the doctor replied.

A definitive dad joke.

Peak Warming Man said:

The Rev Dodgson said:

An 80-year-old man was having his annual checkup when the doctor asked him how he was feeling.

“I’ve never been better! “ he boasted.

“I have an 18 year old young woman who is pregnant and expecting my child! What do you think? “

The doctor thought for a moment, then said:

“Let me tell you a story. I knew a passionate hunter. He never missed a season. But one day he rushed out and accidentally grabbed his umbrella instead of his gun.

The doctor continued:

“He was in the woods and suddenly a grizzly bear appeared in front of him! He raised his umbrella, pointed it at the bear and clutched the handle. And you know what happened? “ asked the doctor.

Stunned, the old man replied:

“No what? “

The doctor continued:

“The bear fell dead in front of him”.

“It’s impossible! “ exclaimed the old man.

“Someone else must have shot the bear”.

“That’s kind of what I meant”, the doctor replied.

A definitive dad joke.

its final line, or éjaculation shall you say, were unnecessary as indicated

SCIENCE said:

Peak Warming Man said:

The Rev Dodgson said:

An 80-year-old man was having his annual checkup when the doctor asked him how he was feeling.

“I’ve never been better! “ he boasted.

“I have an 18 year old young woman who is pregnant and expecting my child! What do you think? “

The doctor thought for a moment, then said:

“Let me tell you a story. I knew a passionate hunter. He never missed a season. But one day he rushed out and accidentally grabbed his umbrella instead of his gun.

The doctor continued:

“He was in the woods and suddenly a grizzly bear appeared in front of him! He raised his umbrella, pointed it at the bear and clutched the handle. And you know what happened? “ asked the doctor.

Stunned, the old man replied:

“No what? “

The doctor continued:

“The bear fell dead in front of him”.

“It’s impossible! “ exclaimed the old man.

“Someone else must have shot the bear”.

“That’s kind of what I meant”, the doctor replied.

A definitive dad joke.

its final line, or éjaculation shall you say, were unnecessary as indicated

Tough crowd.

Should be noted that the oldest paternity confirmed by a DNA test was Les Colley’s fatherhood of his son Oswald at the age of 92.

dv said:

Should be noted that the oldest paternity confirmed by a DNA test was Les Colley’s fatherhood of his son Oswald at the age of 92.

That Les was 92 when Oswald was conceived?

That Les was 92 when the test was done, with Oswald having been around for some years?

Or that Oswald was 92 when the test was done?

OK, I think we need some more humour here.

When does a joke become a true “dad joke”?

..

When it is fully groan.

The Rev Dodgson said:

OK, I think we need some more humour here.

When does a joke become a true “dad joke”?

..

When it is fully groan.

Heh.

Bubblecar said:

The Rev Dodgson said:

OK, I think we need some more humour here.

When does a joke become a true “dad joke”?

..

When it is fully groan.

Heh.

fair, would award it high part of scale

The Rev Dodgson said:

OK, I think we need some more humour here.

When does a joke become a true “dad joke”?

..

When it is fully groan.

Ha!

:)

The Rev Dodgson said:

OK, I think we need some more humour here.

When does a joke become a true “dad joke”?

..

When it is fully groan.

When it’s apparent.

When does a joke become a dad joke?

When its punchline becomes apparent.

btm said:

The Rev Dodgson said:

OK, I think we need some more humour here.

When does a joke become a true “dad joke”?

..

When it is fully groan.

When it’s apparent.

:)

Some little jokes from Quora (I don’t get the 3rd one.)

A German tourist decides to visit France. The French immigration officer asks “Occupation?” The German says “No, just visiting.”

A termite walks into a bar and asks “is the bar tender here?”

How do you fit an elephant into a Safeway bag?You take the ‘s’ out of ‘safe’ and the ‘f’ out of ‘way’.

Why do Marxists drink herbal tea? Because all proper tea is theft.

King Arthur was preparing to go out on an expedition and would be away from Camelot for an indefinite period of time. King Arthur was worried about leaving Queen Guinevere alone with all those horny knights of the Round Table. So he went to Merlin for some advice. The good wizard showed him his latest invention. It was a chastity belt… except that it had a rather large hole in the most obvious place. ‘This is no good, Merlin!’ the king exclaimed, ‘Look at this opening. How is this supposed to protect m’lady, the Queen?’ ‘Ah, sire, just observe.’ said Merlin.He then selected his most worn-out wand. He then inserted it in the gaping hole of the chastity belt whereupon a small guillotine blade came out and cut t he stick neatly in two. ‘Merlin, you are a genius!’ said King Arthur. After putting Guinevere in the device, King Arthur then set out upon his Quest. Several years passed until he returned to Camelot. Immediately he assembled all his knights in the courtyard and had them drop their trousers for a ‘short arm’ inspection. Sure enough, each of them has an amputated little Johnny or was damaged in some way. All of them except Sir Galahad. ‘Sir Galahad’, exclaimed King Arthur, ‘The one and only true knight! Only you among all the nobles have been true to me. What is it in my power to grant you? Name it and it is yours!’ But Sir Galahad was speechless.

Someone told me to search for rare 40’s songs. I was shocked that adults of my parents era were so risqué.

The Rev Dodgson said:

Some little jokes from Quora (I don’t get the 3rd one.)

A German tourist decides to visit France. The French immigration officer asks “Occupation?” The German says “No, just visiting.”

A termite walks into a bar and asks “is the bar tender here?”

How do you fit an elephant into a Safeway bag?You take the ‘s’ out of ‘safe’ and the ‘f’ out of ‘way’.

Why do Marxists drink herbal tea? Because all proper tea is theft.

King Arthur was preparing to go out on an expedition and would be away from Camelot for an indefinite period of time. King Arthur was worried about leaving Queen Guinevere alone with all those horny knights of the Round Table. So he went to Merlin for some advice. The good wizard showed him his latest invention. It was a chastity belt… except that it had a rather large hole in the most obvious place. ‘This is no good, Merlin!’ the king exclaimed, ‘Look at this opening. How is this supposed to protect m’lady, the Queen?’ ‘Ah, sire, just observe.’ said Merlin.He then selected his most worn-out wand. He then inserted it in the gaping hole of the chastity belt whereupon a small guillotine blade came out and cut t he stick neatly in two. ‘Merlin, you are a genius!’ said King Arthur. After putting Guinevere in the device, King Arthur then set out upon his Quest. Several years passed until he returned to Camelot. Immediately he assembled all his knights in the courtyard and had them drop their trousers for a ‘short arm’ inspection. Sure enough, each of them has an amputated little Johnny or was damaged in some way. All of them except Sir Galahad. ‘Sir Galahad’, exclaimed King Arthur, ‘The one and only true knight! Only you among all the nobles have been true to me. What is it in my power to grant you? Name it and it is yours!’ But Sir Galahad was speechless.

I don’t get it either.

there’s no effin way.

Boris said:

there’s no effin way.

I see.

Bubblecar said:

The Rev Dodgson said:

Some little jokes from Quora (I don’t get the 3rd one.)

A German tourist decides to visit France. The French immigration officer asks “Occupation?” The German says “No, just visiting.”

A termite walks into a bar and asks “is the bar tender here?”

How do you fit an elephant into a Safeway bag?You take the ‘s’ out of ‘safe’ and the ‘f’ out of ‘way’.

Why do Marxists drink herbal tea? Because all proper tea is theft.

King Arthur was preparing to go out on an expedition and would be away from Camelot for an indefinite period of time. King Arthur was worried about leaving Queen Guinevere alone with all those horny knights of the Round Table. So he went to Merlin for some advice. The good wizard showed him his latest invention. It was a chastity belt… except that it had a rather large hole in the most obvious place. ‘This is no good, Merlin!’ the king exclaimed, ‘Look at this opening. How is this supposed to protect m’lady, the Queen?’ ‘Ah, sire, just observe.’ said Merlin.He then selected his most worn-out wand. He then inserted it in the gaping hole of the chastity belt whereupon a small guillotine blade came out and cut t he stick neatly in two. ‘Merlin, you are a genius!’ said King Arthur. After putting Guinevere in the device, King Arthur then set out upon his Quest. Several years passed until he returned to Camelot. Immediately he assembled all his knights in the courtyard and had them drop their trousers for a ‘short arm’ inspection. Sure enough, each of them has an amputated little Johnny or was damaged in some way. All of them except Sir Galahad. ‘Sir Galahad’, exclaimed King Arthur, ‘The one and only true knight! Only you among all the nobles have been true to me. What is it in my power to grant you? Name it and it is yours!’ But Sir Galahad was speechless.

I don’t get it either.

Internet: There’s no F in way…

furious said:

Bubblecar said:

The Rev Dodgson said:

Some little jokes from Quora (I don’t get the 3rd one.)

A German tourist decides to visit France. The French immigration officer asks “Occupation?” The German says “No, just visiting.”

A termite walks into a bar and asks “is the bar tender here?”

How do you fit an elephant into a Safeway bag?You take the ‘s’ out of ‘safe’ and the ‘f’ out of ‘way’.

Why do Marxists drink herbal tea? Because all proper tea is theft.

King Arthur was preparing to go out on an expedition and would be away from Camelot for an indefinite period of time. King Arthur was worried about leaving Queen Guinevere alone with all those horny knights of the Round Table. So he went to Merlin for some advice. The good wizard showed him his latest invention. It was a chastity belt… except that it had a rather large hole in the most obvious place. ‘This is no good, Merlin!’ the king exclaimed, ‘Look at this opening. How is this supposed to protect m’lady, the Queen?’ ‘Ah, sire, just observe.’ said Merlin.He then selected his most worn-out wand. He then inserted it in the gaping hole of the chastity belt whereupon a small guillotine blade came out and cut t he stick neatly in two. ‘Merlin, you are a genius!’ said King Arthur. After putting Guinevere in the device, King Arthur then set out upon his Quest. Several years passed until he returned to Camelot. Immediately he assembled all his knights in the courtyard and had them drop their trousers for a ‘short arm’ inspection. Sure enough, each of them has an amputated little Johnny or was damaged in some way. All of them except Sir Galahad. ‘Sir Galahad’, exclaimed King Arthur, ‘The one and only true knight! Only you among all the nobles have been true to me. What is it in my power to grant you? Name it and it is yours!’ But Sir Galahad was speechless.

I don’t get it either.

Internet: There’s no F in way…

I was “taken up the garden path” by the taking of “s” out of “safe”.

Bubblecar said:

The Rev Dodgson said:

Some little jokes from Quora (I don’t get the 3rd one.)

A German tourist decides to visit France. The French immigration officer asks “Occupation?” The German says “No, just visiting.”

A termite walks into a bar and asks “is the bar tender here?”

How do you fit an elephant into a Safeway bag?You take the ‘s’ out of ‘safe’ and the ‘f’ out of ‘way’.

Why do Marxists drink herbal tea? Because all proper tea is theft.

King Arthur was preparing to go out on an expedition and would be away from Camelot for an indefinite period of time. King Arthur was worried about leaving Queen Guinevere alone with all those horny knights of the Round Table. So he went to Merlin for some advice. The good wizard showed him his latest invention. It was a chastity belt… except that it had a rather large hole in the most obvious place. ‘This is no good, Merlin!’ the king exclaimed, ‘Look at this opening. How is this supposed to protect m’lady, the Queen?’ ‘Ah, sire, just observe.’ said Merlin.He then selected his most worn-out wand. He then inserted it in the gaping hole of the chastity belt whereupon a small guillotine blade came out and cut t he stick neatly in two. ‘Merlin, you are a genius!’ said King Arthur. After putting Guinevere in the device, King Arthur then set out upon his Quest. Several years passed until he returned to Camelot. Immediately he assembled all his knights in the courtyard and had them drop their trousers for a ‘short arm’ inspection. Sure enough, each of them has an amputated little Johnny or was damaged in some way. All of them except Sir Galahad. ‘Sir Galahad’, exclaimed King Arthur, ‘The one and only true knight! Only you among all the nobles have been true to me. What is it in my power to grant you? Name it and it is yours!’ But Sir Galahad was speechless.

I don’t get it either.

Sir Galahad had lost his tongue.

roughbarked said:

Bubblecar said:

The Rev Dodgson said:

Some little jokes from Quora (I don’t get the 3rd one.)

A German tourist decides to visit France. The French immigration officer asks “Occupation?” The German says “No, just visiting.”

A termite walks into a bar and asks “is the bar tender here?”

How do you fit an elephant into a Safeway bag?You take the ‘s’ out of ‘safe’ and the ‘f’ out of ‘way’.

Why do Marxists drink herbal tea? Because all proper tea is theft.

King Arthur was preparing to go out on an expedition and would be away from Camelot for an indefinite period of time. King Arthur was worried about leaving Queen Guinevere alone with all those horny knights of the Round Table. So he went to Merlin for some advice. The good wizard showed him his latest invention. It was a chastity belt… except that it had a rather large hole in the most obvious place. ‘This is no good, Merlin!’ the king exclaimed, ‘Look at this opening. How is this supposed to protect m’lady, the Queen?’ ‘Ah, sire, just observe.’ said Merlin.He then selected his most worn-out wand. He then inserted it in the gaping hole of the chastity belt whereupon a small guillotine blade came out and cut t he stick neatly in two. ‘Merlin, you are a genius!’ said King Arthur. After putting Guinevere in the device, King Arthur then set out upon his Quest. Several years passed until he returned to Camelot. Immediately he assembled all his knights in the courtyard and had them drop their trousers for a ‘short arm’ inspection. Sure enough, each of them has an amputated little Johnny or was damaged in some way. All of them except Sir Galahad. ‘Sir Galahad’, exclaimed King Arthur, ‘The one and only true knight! Only you among all the nobles have been true to me. What is it in my power to grant you? Name it and it is yours!’ But Sir Galahad was speechless.

I don’t get it either.

Sir Galahad had lost his tongue.

I’m pretty sure we all got that one.

roughbarked said:

Bubblecar said:

The Rev Dodgson said:

Some little jokes from Quora (I don’t get the 3rd one.)

A German tourist decides to visit France. The French immigration officer asks “Occupation?” The German says “No, just visiting.”

A termite walks into a bar and asks “is the bar tender here?”

How do you fit an elephant into a Safeway bag?You take the ‘s’ out of ‘safe’ and the ‘f’ out of ‘way’.

Why do Marxists drink herbal tea? Because all proper tea is theft.

King Arthur was preparing to go out on an expedition and would be away from Camelot for an indefinite period of time. King Arthur was worried about leaving Queen Guinevere alone with all those horny knights of the Round Table. So he went to Merlin for some advice. The good wizard showed him his latest invention. It was a chastity belt… except that it had a rather large hole in the most obvious place. ‘This is no good, Merlin!’ the king exclaimed, ‘Look at this opening. How is this supposed to protect m’lady, the Queen?’ ‘Ah, sire, just observe.’ said Merlin.He then selected his most worn-out wand. He then inserted it in the gaping hole of the chastity belt whereupon a small guillotine blade came out and cut t he stick neatly in two. ‘Merlin, you are a genius!’ said King Arthur. After putting Guinevere in the device, King Arthur then set out upon his Quest. Several years passed until he returned to Camelot. Immediately he assembled all his knights in the courtyard and had them drop their trousers for a ‘short arm’ inspection. Sure enough, each of them has an amputated little Johnny or was damaged in some way. All of them except Sir Galahad. ‘Sir Galahad’, exclaimed King Arthur, ‘The one and only true knight! Only you among all the nobles have been true to me. What is it in my power to grant you? Name it and it is yours!’ But Sir Galahad was speechless.

I don’t get it either.

Sir Galahad had lost his tongue.

Not that one, the elephant one.

Bubblecar said:

furious said:

Bubblecar said:

I don’t get it either.

Internet: There’s no F in way…

I was “taken up the garden path” by the taking of “s” out of “safe”.

A sidetrack.

Bubblecar said:

roughbarked said:

Bubblecar said:

I don’t get it either.

Sir Galahad had lost his tongue.

Not that one, the elephant one.

No f in way.

roughbarked said:

Bubblecar said:

roughbarked said:

Sir Galahad had lost his tongue.

Not that one, the elephant one.

No f in way.

You are running a bit slow this afternoon mr barked.

Bubblecar said:

The Rev Dodgson said:

Some little jokes from Quora (I don’t get the 3rd one.)

A German tourist decides to visit France. The French immigration officer asks “Occupation?” The German says “No, just visiting.”

A termite walks into a bar and asks “is the bar tender here?”

How do you fit an elephant into a Safeway bag?You take the ‘s’ out of ‘safe’ and the ‘f’ out of ‘way’.

Why do Marxists drink herbal tea? Because all proper tea is theft.

King Arthur was preparing to go out on an expedition and would be away from Camelot for an indefinite period of time. King Arthur was worried about leaving Queen Guinevere alone with all those horny knights of the Round Table. So he went to Merlin for some advice. The good wizard showed him his latest invention. It was a chastity belt… except that it had a rather large hole in the most obvious place. ‘This is no good, Merlin!’ the king exclaimed, ‘Look at this opening. How is this supposed to protect m’lady, the Queen?’ ‘Ah, sire, just observe.’ said Merlin.He then selected his most worn-out wand. He then inserted it in the gaping hole of the chastity belt whereupon a small guillotine blade came out and cut t he stick neatly in two. ‘Merlin, you are a genius!’ said King Arthur. After putting Guinevere in the device, King Arthur then set out upon his Quest. Several years passed until he returned to Camelot. Immediately he assembled all his knights in the courtyard and had them drop their trousers for a ‘short arm’ inspection. Sure enough, each of them has an amputated little Johnny or was damaged in some way. All of them except Sir Galahad. ‘Sir Galahad’, exclaimed King Arthur, ‘The one and only true knight! Only you among all the nobles have been true to me. What is it in my power to grant you? Name it and it is yours!’ But Sir Galahad was speechless.

I don’t get it either.

Termites eat wood and is the bar wood tender

Cymek said:

Bubblecar said:

The Rev Dodgson said:

Some little jokes from Quora (I don’t get the 3rd one.)

A German tourist decides to visit France. The French immigration officer asks “Occupation?” The German says “No, just visiting.”

A termite walks into a bar and asks “is the bar tender here?”

How do you fit an elephant into a Safeway bag?You take the ‘s’ out of ‘safe’ and the ‘f’ out of ‘way’.

Why do Marxists drink herbal tea? Because all proper tea is theft.

King Arthur was preparing to go out on an expedition and would be away from Camelot for an indefinite period of time. King Arthur was worried about leaving Queen Guinevere alone with all those horny knights of the Round Table. So he went to Merlin for some advice. The good wizard showed him his latest invention. It was a chastity belt… except that it had a rather large hole in the most obvious place. ‘This is no good, Merlin!’ the king exclaimed, ‘Look at this opening. How is this supposed to protect m’lady, the Queen?’ ‘Ah, sire, just observe.’ said Merlin.He then selected his most worn-out wand. He then inserted it in the gaping hole of the chastity belt whereupon a small guillotine blade came out and cut t he stick neatly in two. ‘Merlin, you are a genius!’ said King Arthur. After putting Guinevere in the device, King Arthur then set out upon his Quest. Several years passed until he returned to Camelot. Immediately he assembled all his knights in the courtyard and had them drop their trousers for a ‘short arm’ inspection. Sure enough, each of them has an amputated little Johnny or was damaged in some way. All of them except Sir Galahad. ‘Sir Galahad’, exclaimed King Arthur, ‘The one and only true knight! Only you among all the nobles have been true to me. What is it in my power to grant you? Name it and it is yours!’ But Sir Galahad was speechless.

I don’t get it either.

Termites eat wood and is the bar wood tender

There’s no f in way that we didn’t get that one.

The Rev Dodgson said:

roughbarked said:

Bubblecar said:

Not that one, the elephant one.

No f in way.

You are running a bit slow this afternoon mr barked.

Doing other things too.

The Rev Dodgson said:

roughbarked said:

Bubblecar said:

Not that one, the elephant one.

No f in way.

You are running a bit slow this afternoon mr barked.

I hope you didn’t search Rare 1940’s Songs, they were apparently all banned. I dunno. They sound authentic but quite risqué.

roughbarked said:

The Rev Dodgson said:

roughbarked said:

No f in way.

You are running a bit slow this afternoon mr barked.

I hope you didn’t search Rare 1940’s Songs, they were apparently all banned. I dunno. They sound authentic but quite risqué.

I have seen some of those i believe. they aren’t real.

Boris said:

roughbarked said:

The Rev Dodgson said:

You are running a bit slow this afternoon mr barked.

I hope you didn’t search Rare 1940’s Songs, they were apparently all banned. I dunno. They sound authentic but quite risqué.

I have seen some of those i believe. they aren’t real.

That’s what I was thinking.

A C, an E-flat, and a G go into a bar. The bartender says: “Sorry, but we don’t serve minors.” So, the E-flat leaves, and the C and the G have an open fifth between them.

After a few drinks, the fifth is diminished and the G is out flat. An F comes in and tries to augment the situation, but is not sharp enough.

A D comes into the bar and heads straight for the bathroom saying, “Excuse me. I’ll just be a second.”

An A comes into the bar, but the bartender is not convinced that this relative of C is not a minor.

Then the bartender notices a B-flat hiding at the end of the bar and exclaims: “Get out now! You’re the seventh minor I’ve found in this bar tonight.”

The E-flat, not easily deflated, comes back to the bar the next night in a 3-piece suit with nicely shined shoes. The bartender (who used to have a nice corporate job until his company downsized) says: “You’re looking sharp tonight, come on in! This could be a major development.”
This proves to be the case, as the E-flat takes off the suit, and everything else, and stands there au natural.

Eventually, the C sobers up, and realizes in horror that he’s under a rest.
The C is brought to trial, is found guilty of contributing to the diminution of a minor, and is sentenced to 10 years of DS without Coda at an upscale correctional facility.
On appeal, however, the C is found innocent of any wrongdoing, even accidental, and that all accusations to the contrary are bassless.

The bartender decides, however, that since he’s only had tenor so patrons, the soprano out in the bathroom, and everything has become alto much treble, he needs a rest—and closes the bar.

The Rev Dodgson said:

A C, an E-flat, and a G go into a bar. The bartender says: “Sorry, but we don’t serve minors.” So, the E-flat leaves, and the C and the G have an open fifth between them.

After a few drinks, the fifth is diminished and the G is out flat. An F comes in and tries to augment the situation, but is not sharp enough.

A D comes into the bar and heads straight for the bathroom saying, “Excuse me. I’ll just be a second.”

An A comes into the bar, but the bartender is not convinced that this relative of C is not a minor.

Then the bartender notices a B-flat hiding at the end of the bar and exclaims: “Get out now! You’re the seventh minor I’ve found in this bar tonight.”

The E-flat, not easily deflated, comes back to the bar the next night in a 3-piece suit with nicely shined shoes. The bartender (who used to have a nice corporate job until his company downsized) says: “You’re looking sharp tonight, come on in! This could be a major development.”
This proves to be the case, as the E-flat takes off the suit, and everything else, and stands there au natural.

Eventually, the C sobers up, and realizes in horror that he’s under a rest.
The C is brought to trial, is found guilty of contributing to the diminution of a minor, and is sentenced to 10 years of DS without Coda at an upscale correctional facility.
On appeal, however, the C is found innocent of any wrongdoing, even accidental, and that all accusations to the contrary are bassless.

The bartender decides, however, that since he’s only had tenor so patrons, the soprano out in the bathroom, and everything has become alto much treble, he needs a rest—and closes the bar.

Does he open the bar with a clef T key?

And this is not just a dad joke, it’s a grand dad joke:

A carpet-installer went to a woman’s house to do a job. He was a meticulous worker and took great pains. Eventually, he finished and reached in his back pocket for his cigarettes but couldn’t find them. Then, he spotted a lump under the carpet he had just installed.

Thoroughly exasperated with himself but not wanting to redo the job, he took his spirit level and mashed down the lump, continuing to smooth the surface until one could not tell that anything was there.

He went out to return his tools to his truck and was surprised to see his pack of cigarettes on the seat.

Just then, the woman came out and said, “Have you seen my parakeet?”

Michael V said:

The Rev Dodgson said:

A C, an E-flat, and a G go into a bar. The bartender says: “Sorry, but we don’t serve minors.” So, the E-flat leaves, and the C and the G have an open fifth between them.

After a few drinks, the fifth is diminished and the G is out flat. An F comes in and tries to augment the situation, but is not sharp enough.

A D comes into the bar and heads straight for the bathroom saying, “Excuse me. I’ll just be a second.”

An A comes into the bar, but the bartender is not convinced that this relative of C is not a minor.

Then the bartender notices a B-flat hiding at the end of the bar and exclaims: “Get out now! You’re the seventh minor I’ve found in this bar tonight.”

The E-flat, not easily deflated, comes back to the bar the next night in a 3-piece suit with nicely shined shoes. The bartender (who used to have a nice corporate job until his company downsized) says: “You’re looking sharp tonight, come on in! This could be a major development.”
This proves to be the case, as the E-flat takes off the suit, and everything else, and stands there au natural.

Eventually, the C sobers up, and realizes in horror that he’s under a rest.
The C is brought to trial, is found guilty of contributing to the diminution of a minor, and is sentenced to 10 years of DS without Coda at an upscale correctional facility.
On appeal, however, the C is found innocent of any wrongdoing, even accidental, and that all accusations to the contrary are bassless.

The bartender decides, however, that since he’s only had tenor so patrons, the soprano out in the bathroom, and everything has become alto much treble, he needs a rest—and closes the bar.

Does he open the bar with a clef T key?

No doubt :)

a friend asked if i had ever tried blindfolded archery. i said i hadn’t. you don’t know what you’re missing he replied.

ChrispenEvan said:

a friend asked if i had ever tried blindfolded archery. i said i hadn’t. you don’t know what you’re missing he replied.

I’ll use that one at my next black-tie dinner.

Tried to start a professional hide and seek club. didn’t work out. seems good players are hard to find.

JudgeMental said:

Tried to start a professional hide and seek club. didn’t work out. seems good players are hard to find.

:)

what’s made of leather and sounds like a sneeze?

a shoe

party_pants said:

what’s made of leather and sounds like a sneeze?

a shoe

:)

Why did the anagram cross the road?

To hear adages and rhythmic words.

btm said:

Why did the anagram cross the road?

To hear adages and rhythmic words.

:)

I’ve only been working at the bicycle factory for 2 days and I’ve already been promoted to spokesman.

Kingy said:

I’ve only been working at the bicycle factory for 2 days and I’ve already been promoted to spokesman.

Spokey dokey

Kingy said:

I’ve only been working at the bicycle factory for 2 days and I’ve already been promoted to spokesman.

Uh-oh.

Michael V said:

Kingy said:

I’ve only been working at the bicycle factory for 2 days and I’ve already been promoted to spokesman.

Uh-oh.

LOL

Kingy said:

I’ve only been working at the bicycle factory for 2 days and I’ve already been promoted to spokesman.

I was sacked from my job at the calendar factory because I took too many days off.

Couple of old risque standards…

Lad – “Dad, how often do you have sex?”
Dad – “Gee, almost every day.”
Lad – “That’s amazing!”
Dad – “I know, right? Almost on Monday, almost on Tuesday, almost on Wednesday…”

—-

A journalist heard that pilots are sexually hyperactive, so she went down to the airport to do a survey. The first pilot she spotted was quite a senior gentleman.
Journalist – “Hello, I’m doing a survey, may I ask, when was the last time you had sex?”
Pilot – “Oh my dear, I haven’t had sex since 1958.”
Journalist – “Good lord, that’s quite a dry spell.”
Pilot – “Yes I suppose it is, after all it’s 2045 now. “

dv said:

Couple of old risque standards…

Lad – “Dad, how often do you have sex?”
Dad – “Gee, almost every day.”
Lad – “That’s amazing!”
Dad – “I know, right? Almost on Monday, almost on Tuesday, almost on Wednesday…”

—-

A journalist heard that pilots are sexually hyperactive, so she went down to the airport to do a survey. The first pilot she spotted was quite a senior gentleman.
Journalist – “Hello, I’m doing a survey, may I ask, when was the last time you had sex?”
Pilot – “Oh my dear, I haven’t had sex since 1958.”
Journalist – “Good lord, that’s quite a dry spell.”
Pilot – “Yes I suppose it is, after all it’s 2045 now. “

interesting how they’re always cast in typical gender roles but the good thing about these is that they could be recast without changing the humour

dv said:

Snort …

I applied for a job and one section of the application asked for previous life experience.

I wrote that I was a Pharaoh in 1890BC.

Kingy said:

I applied for a job and one section of the application asked for previous life experience.

I wrote that I was a Pharaoh in 1890BC.

Tut, tut….

Two Jewish men, Aaron and Levi, got lost in the desert. Things were getting desperate, with supplies depleted and the sun beating down. They saw in the distance what appeared to be an Arab caravan, and as they made their way towards it, Aaron said, “we should tell them we’re Muslim so they will be likely to help.”
Levi said, “Not me. Honestly is the best policy. I’ll tell them the truth and whatever God wills will be done.”

When they reached the caravan’s chief he said, “I am Hamza, and who might you be?”

Aaron said, “Abdul, I’m Abdul, As-salamu alaykum!”

Levi said, “I’m Levi, and I tell you plainly I’m a Jew.”

Hamza called to his party, “Quick, bring food and water to our Jewish friend!”

As Levi began drinking and eating, Aaron said, “But brother, where’s my food and drink?”

Hamza laughed, “Abdul, such a kidder! You know very well we won’t break our fast for eight more hours.”

dv said:

Two Jewish men, Aaron and Levi, got lost in the desert. Things were getting desperate, with supplies depleted and the sun beating down. They saw in the distance what appeared to be an Arab caravan, and as they made their way towards it, Aaron said, “we should tell them we’re Muslim so they will be likely to help.”
Levi said, “Not me. Honestly is the best policy. I’ll tell them the truth and whatever God wills will be done.”

When they reached the caravan’s chief he said, “I am Hamza, and who might you be?”

Aaron said, “Abdul, I’m Abdul, As-salamu alaykum!”

Levi said, “I’m Levi, and I tell you plainly I’m a Jew.”

Hamza called to his party, “Quick, bring food and water to our Jewish friend!”

As Levi began drinking and eating, Aaron said, “But brother, where’s my food and drink?”

Hamza laughed, “Abdul, such a kidder! You know very well we won’t break our fast for eight more hours.”

atheists are so disrespectful, atheists are the worst

Kingy said:

I applied for a job and one section of the application asked for previous life experience.

I wrote that I was a Pharaoh in 1890BC.

:)

Neophyte said:

Kingy said:

I applied for a job and one section of the application asked for previous life experience.

I wrote that I was a Pharaoh in 1890BC.

Tut, tut….

Ha!

dv said:

btm said:

dv said:

btm said:

My water supply was cut off for non-payment. I just got a letter from the supplier saying “Get well soon.”

we do have a dad joke thread

I know, but then you’d have known it was a dad joke before you read it.

You’re as cunning as a fox pretending to be a stoat

keep digging

Michael V said:

btm said:

My water supply was cut off for non-payment. I just got a letter from the supplier saying “Get well soon.”

The story of the three holes in the ground: well, well, well.

;)

this is bringing tears to our eyes

SCIENCE said:

dv said:

btm said:

I know, but then you’d have known it was a dad joke before you read it.

You’re as cunning as a fox pretending to be a stoat

keep digging

As funning as a cox?

roughbarked said:

roughbarked said:

SCIENCE said:

dv said:

btm said:

My water supply was cut off for non-payment. I just got a letter from the supplier saying “Get well soon.”

You’re as cunning as a fox pretending to be a stoat

keep digging

——-> dad jokes.

As funning as a cox?

https://www.facebook.com/share/r/1JACUBwT4S/

dv said:

omg

dv said:

shakes head

dv said:

:)

ZZKKO

Michael V said:

dv said:

:)

He’s a little fellow in a suit.

Electric car owners are required to have a current license.

Kingy said:

Electric car owners are required to have a current license.

There ought to be a heavy tax on jokes that feeble.

Bubblecar said:

Kingy said:

Electric car owners are required to have a current license.

There ought to be a heavy tax on jokes that feeble.

What sort of charge would apply to such things?

captain_spalding said:

Bubblecar said:

Kingy said:

Electric car owners are required to have a current license.

There ought to be a heavy tax on jokes that feeble.

What sort of charge would apply to such things?

Quite positive I’d charge the earth.

Bubblecar said:

captain_spalding said:

Bubblecar said:

There ought to be a heavy tax on jokes that feeble.

What sort of charge would apply to such things?

Quite positive I’d charge the earth.

You’d meet some resistance.

Kingy said:

Electric car owners are required to have a current license.

I expect there will be some resistance to this

party_pants said:

Kingy said:

Electric car owners are required to have a current license.

I expect there will be some resistance to this

it may short circuit some peoples enthusiasm

dv said:

not to mention the chord

How do you get a caterpillar 100 feet into the air?

.

.

.

.
.
.
.
.
Tip it onto it’s back.

Not a dad joke, but…

…allegedly…

…at a U2 concert in Glasgow, Bono called for silence.

When the venue was totally silent, he clapped his hands, once, loudly. He repeated this several times, at intervals of a few seconds.

“every time i clap my hands”, he said, “an African child dies”.

And a loud Glasgow voice called out from the audience

“well, stop doin’ it then, ya fookin’ evil bastard!’.

Talk of irrigating Trump’s grave reminded me of:

“An old Irishman, Paddy, is about to go to his eternal reward. He looks at his grieving friend, Mike, and says, “I have one last request, Mike.”

“Anything, Paddy,” Mike says. “What is it?”

“In me kitchen pantry you’ll find a 100- year-old bottle of whiskey. When they put me in the ground will you pour it over me grave?”

“I will, Paddy, I will” Mike says.

“You’ll not object I passed it through me kidneys first?”

Now this is what I call a dad joke:

“Three older men met for lunch.

The discussion came around to various health issues.

The first complained, “I have a really problem with my prostate. I can’t pee much at all, and when I do it is painful. “

The second spoke up. “I have constipation. I can’t go poop for several days and then it almost tears me apart.”

The third man spoke. “My problem is neither of those. At 8 AM every day I pee like a racehorse. Fifteen minutes later, everyday, like clockwork, I have a significant bowel movement.”

“So what is your problem then?” one of the others asked.

“I never wake up until 9 AM.””

The Rev Dodgson said:

Now this is what I call a dad joke:

“Three older men met for lunch.

The discussion came around to various health issues.

The first complained, “I have a really problem with my prostate. I can’t pee much at all, and when I do it is painful. “

The second spoke up. “I have constipation. I can’t go poop for several days and then it almost tears me apart.”

The third man spoke. “My problem is neither of those. At 8 AM every day I pee like a racehorse. Fifteen minutes later, everyday, like clockwork, I have a significant bowel movement.”

“So what is your problem then?” one of the others asked.

“I never wake up until 9 AM.””

Your day job, keep your day job.

We don’t seem to have a Mum/Aunt Joke thread, so this will have to go here:

A famous, possibly apocryphal story from the 1930s. British aristocrat Margot Asquith was hosting a party and one of the guests was film star Jean Harlow. Harlow repeatedly mispronounced Margot, saying the T at the end.

Asquith simply said to her “my dear, the T in my name is silent, like the one in Harlow”.

The Rev Dodgson said:

We don’t seem to have a Mum/Aunt Joke thread, so this will have to go here:

A famous, possibly apocryphal story from the 1930s. British aristocrat Margot Asquith was hosting a party and one of the guests was film star Jean Harlow. Harlow repeatedly mispronounced Margot, saying the T at the end.

Asquith simply said to her “my dear, the T in my name is silent, like the one in Harlow”.

lol

The Rev Dodgson said:

We don’t seem to have a Mum/Aunt Joke thread, so this will have to go here:

A famous, possibly apocryphal story from the 1930s. British aristocrat Margot Asquith was hosting a party and one of the guests was film star Jean Harlow. Harlow repeatedly mispronounced Margot, saying the T at the end.

Asquith simply said to her “my dear, the T in my name is silent, like the one in Harlow”.

used to go swimming at the pool in Harlow.

The Rev Dodgson said:

We don’t seem to have a Mum/Aunt Joke thread, so this will have to go here:

A famous, possibly apocryphal story from the 1930s. British aristocrat Margot Asquith was hosting a party and one of the guests was film star Jean Harlow. Harlow repeatedly mispronounced Margot, saying the T at the end.

Asquith simply said to her “my dear, the T in my name is silent, like the one in Harlow”.

LOL

Peak Warming Man said:

The Rev Dodgson said:

We don’t seem to have a Mum/Aunt Joke thread, so this will have to go here:

A famous, possibly apocryphal story from the 1930s. British aristocrat Margot Asquith was hosting a party and one of the guests was film star Jean Harlow. Harlow repeatedly mispronounced Margot, saying the T at the end.

Asquith simply said to her “my dear, the T in my name is silent, like the one in Harlow”.

lol

What’s a Tharlow

Peak Warming Man said:

The Rev Dodgson said:

We don’t seem to have a Mum/Aunt Joke thread, so this will have to go here:

A famous, possibly apocryphal story from the 1930s. British aristocrat Margot Asquith was hosting a party and one of the guests was film star Jean Harlow. Harlow repeatedly mispronounced Margot, saying the T at the end.

Asquith simply said to her “my dear, the T in my name is silent, like the one in Harlow”.

lol

Heard that one at least 40 years ago.

Woodie said:

Peak Warming Man said:

The Rev Dodgson said:

We don’t seem to have a Mum/Aunt Joke thread, so this will have to go here:

A famous, possibly apocryphal story from the 1930s. British aristocrat Margot Asquith was hosting a party and one of the guests was film star Jean Harlow. Harlow repeatedly mispronounced Margot, saying the T at the end.

Asquith simply said to her “my dear, the T in my name is silent, like the one in Harlow”.

lol

Heard that one at least 40 years ago.

It is as old as the profession.

What did the scallion say to the leek when they gate-crashed the onion’s party?

“Just try to act non-shallot.”

Bubblecar said:

What did the scallion say to the leek when they gate-crashed the onion’s party?

“Just try to act non-shallot.”

Nice one Uncle B.

The Rev Dodgson said:

Bubblecar said:

What did the scallion say to the leek when they gate-crashed the onion’s party?

“Just try to act non-shallot.”

Nice one Uncle B.

Ta. I did in fact make that one up myself.

Bubblecar said:

What did the scallion say to the leek when they gate-crashed the onion’s party?

“Just try to act non-shallot.”

Oh dear

Bubblecar said:

What did the scallion say to the leek when they gate-crashed the onion’s party?

“Just try to act non-shallot.”

Did you just make that up?

Woodie said:

Bubblecar said:

What did the scallion say to the leek when they gate-crashed the onion’s party?

“Just try to act non-shallot.”

Did you just make that up?

Yes.

But I should have said “onions’ party” not “onion’s party”, to make it clear that this was a party of onions only, not one individual onion who might have been happy to welcome a variety of vegetables.

Bubblecar said:

Woodie said:

Bubblecar said:

What did the scallion say to the leek when they gate-crashed the onion’s party?

“Just try to act non-shallot.”

Did you just make that up?

Yes.

But I should have said “onions’ party” not “onion’s party”, to make it clear that this was a party of onions only, not one individual onion who might have been happy to welcome a variety of vegetables.

The curse is come upon me

dv said:

Bubblecar said:

What did the scallion say to the leek when they gate-crashed the onion’s party?

“Just try to act non-shallot.”

Oh dear

knew a woman who made a living selling those, The Lady of Shallots.

dv said:

Bubblecar said:

Woodie said:

Did you just make that up?

Yes.

But I should have said “onions’ party” not “onion’s party”, to make it clear that this was a party of onions only, not one individual onion who might have been happy to welcome a variety of vegetables.

The curse is come upon me

it’s a political team sports party

Bubblecar said:

Woodie said:

Bubblecar said:

What did the scallion say to the leek when they gate-crashed the onion’s party?

“Just try to act non-shallot.”

Did you just make that up?

Yes.

But I should have said “onions’ party” not “onion’s party”, to make it clear that this was a party of onions only, not one individual onion who might have been happy to welcome a variety of vegetables.

Thank-shallot for the clarification.

fsm said:

Bubblecar said:

Woodie said:

Did you just make that up?

Yes.

But I should have said “onions’ party” not “onion’s party”, to make it clear that this was a party of onions only, not one individual onion who might have been happy to welcome a variety of vegetables.

Thank-shallot for the clarification.

lol

Heisenberg, Schrödinger and Ohm were in a car.

They were pulled over. Heisenberg was driving, and the cop asked, “Do you know how fast you were going?” “No, but I know exactly where I am”, Heisenberg replied. The cop said, “You were doing 55 in a 35”. Heisenberg threw up his hands and shouted, “Great! Now, I’m lost.”

The cop thought that this was suspicious and ordered him to pop the trunk. He checked it out and said, “Did you know that you have a dead cat back there?” “We do now, asshole!”, shouted Schrödinger.

The cop moved to arrest the trio. Ohm resists.

The Rev Dodgson said:

Heisenberg, Schrödinger and Ohm were in a car.

They were pulled over. Heisenberg was driving, and the cop asked, “Do you know how fast you were going?” “No, but I know exactly where I am”, Heisenberg replied. The cop said, “You were doing 55 in a 35”. Heisenberg threw up his hands and shouted, “Great! Now, I’m lost.”

The cop thought that this was suspicious and ordered him to pop the trunk. He checked it out and said, “Did you know that you have a dead cat back there?” “We do now, asshole!”, shouted Schrödinger.

The cop moved to arrest the trio. Ohm resists.

:)

The Rev Dodgson said:

Heisenberg, Schrödinger and Ohm were in a car.

They were pulled over. Heisenberg was driving, and the cop asked, “Do you know how fast you were going?” “No, but I know exactly where I am”, Heisenberg replied. The cop said, “You were doing 55 in a 35”. Heisenberg threw up his hands and shouted, “Great! Now, I’m lost.”

The cop thought that this was suspicious and ordered him to pop the trunk. He checked it out and said, “Did you know that you have a dead cat back there?” “We do now, asshole!”, shouted Schrödinger.

The cop moved to arrest the trio. Ohm resists.

Spoilt a bit by someone recently posting it (but not in the Dad/Uncle Joke Thread).

Have you heard about the new movie called Constipation?

It hasn’t come out yet.

Divine Angel said:

Have you heard about the new movie called Constipation?

It hasn’t come out yet.

Dear oh dear.

Divine Angel said:

Have you heard about the new movie called Constipation?

It hasn’t come out yet.

Uh-oh.

Do they need an accountant?

Michael V said:

Divine Angel said:

Have you heard about the new movie called Constipation?

It hasn’t come out yet.

Uh-oh.

Do they need an accountant?

is this the pencil line

SCIENCE said:

Michael V said:

Divine Angel said:

Have you heard about the new movie called Constipation?

It hasn’t come out yet.

Uh-oh.

Do they need an accountant?

is this the pencil line

Yes.

Puns for Educated Minds

1. The fattest knight at King Arthur’s round table was Sir Cumference. He acquired his size from too much pi.

2. I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan island, but it turned out to be an optical Aleutian.

3. She was only a whiskey maker, but he loved her still.

4. A rubber band pistol was confiscated from algebra class, because it was a weapon of math disruption.

5. No matter how much you push the envelope, it’ll still be stationery.

6. A dog gave birth to puppies near the road and was cited for littering.

7. A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result in Linoleum Blownapart.

8. Two silk worms had a race. They ended up in a tie.

9. A hole has been found in the nudist camp wall. The police are looking into it.

10. Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.

11. Atheism is a non-prophet organization.

12. Two hats were hanging on a hat rack in the hallway. One hat said to the other: “You stay here. I’ll go on a head.”

13. I wondered why the baseball kept getting bigger. Then it hit me.

14. A sign on the lawn at a drug rehab center said: “Keep off the Grass”.

15. The midget fortune-teller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large.

16. The soldier who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran.

17. A backward poet writes inverse.

18. In a democracy, it’s your vote that counts. In feudalism, it’s your count that votes.

19. When cannibals ate a missionary, they got a taste of religion .

20. If you jumped off the bridge in Paris, you’d be in Seine.

21. A vulture boards an airplane, carrying two dead raccoons. The stewardess looks at him and says, “I’m sorry, sir! Only one carrion allowed per passenger.”

22. Two fish swim into a concrete wall. One turns to the other and says “Dam!”

23. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire in the craft. Unsurprisingly it sank, proving once again that you can’t have your kayak and heat it too.

24. Two hydrogen atoms meet. One says, “I’ve lost my electron”. The other says “Are you sure?” The first replies, “Yes, I’m positive.”

25. Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused Novocain during a root canal? His goal: transcend dental medication.

26. There was the person who sent ten puns to friends, with the hope that at least one of the puns would make them laugh. No pun in ten did.

Divine Angel said:

Puns for Educated Minds

1. The fattest knight at King Arthur’s round table was Sir Cumference. He acquired his size from too much pi.

2. I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan island, but it turned out to be an optical Aleutian.

3. She was only a whiskey maker, but he loved her still.

4. A rubber band pistol was confiscated from algebra class, because it was a weapon of math disruption.

5. No matter how much you push the envelope, it’ll still be stationery.

6. A dog gave birth to puppies near the road and was cited for littering.

7. A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result in Linoleum Blownapart.

8. Two silk worms had a race. They ended up in a tie.

9. A hole has been found in the nudist camp wall. The police are looking into it.

10. Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.

11. Atheism is a non-prophet organization.

12. Two hats were hanging on a hat rack in the hallway. One hat said to the other: “You stay here. I’ll go on a head.”

13. I wondered why the baseball kept getting bigger. Then it hit me.

14. A sign on the lawn at a drug rehab center said: “Keep off the Grass”.

15. The midget fortune-teller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large.

16. The soldier who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran.

17. A backward poet writes inverse.

18. In a democracy, it’s your vote that counts. In feudalism, it’s your count that votes.

19. When cannibals ate a missionary, they got a taste of religion .

20. If you jumped off the bridge in Paris, you’d be in Seine.

21. A vulture boards an airplane, carrying two dead raccoons. The stewardess looks at him and says, “I’m sorry, sir! Only one carrion allowed per passenger.”

22. Two fish swim into a concrete wall. One turns to the other and says “Dam!”

23. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire in the craft. Unsurprisingly it sank, proving once again that you can’t have your kayak and heat it too.

24. Two hydrogen atoms meet. One says, “I’ve lost my electron”. The other says “Are you sure?” The first replies, “Yes, I’m positive.”

25. Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused Novocain during a root canal? His goal: transcend dental medication.

26. There was the person who sent ten puns to friends, with the hope that at least one of the puns would make them laugh. No pun in ten did.

:)

Ta.

dv said:

Snigger.

:)

wtf

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WOR3NHb63jg

That reminds me of the story of the woman who grew a very large berry. People came from miles (and kilometres) around to see it, often pouring praise on it. One day a group of men turned up at the door. The woman’s husband said, “I suppose you’re here to praise my wife’s berry?”
They answered, “We come to seize her berry, not praise it.”

btm said:

That reminds me of the story of the woman who grew a very large berry. People came from miles (and kilometres) around to see it, often pouring praise on it. One day a group of men turned up at the door. The woman’s husband said, “I suppose you’re here to praise my wife’s berry?”
They answered, “We come to seize her berry, not praise it.”

Was her husband an honorable man?

furious said:

btm said:

That reminds me of the story of the woman who grew a very large berry. People came from miles (and kilometres) around to see it, often pouring praise on it. One day a group of men turned up at the door. The woman’s husband said, “I suppose you’re here to praise my wife’s berry?”
They answered, “We come to seize her berry, not praise it.”

Was her husband an honorable man?

Was Brutus?

dv said:

NFI, sorry.

Michael V said:

dv said:

NFI, sorry.

Me too. I guess I am just not even remotely Scottish enough to understand.

party_pants said:

Michael V said:

dv said:

NFI, sorry.

Me too. I guess I am just not even remotely Scottish enough to understand.

comfy = come far
govan = place.

Bogsnorkler said:

party_pants said:

Michael V said:

NFI, sorry.

Me too. I guess I am just not even remotely Scottish enough to understand.

comfy = come far
govan = place.

Excellent. Thank you.

Bogsnorkler said:

party_pants said:

Michael V said:

NFI, sorry.

Me too. I guess I am just not even remotely Scottish enough to understand.

comfy = come far
govan = place.

Still nfi.

Michael V said:

Bogsnorkler said:

party_pants said:

Me too. I guess I am just not even remotely Scottish enough to understand.

comfy = come far
govan = place.

Still nfi.

Obviously p_p is still more Scottish than me.

Michael V said:

Michael V said:

Bogsnorkler said:

comfy = come far
govan = place.

Still nfi.

Obviously p_p is still more Scottish than me.

“have you come far?”

As for the place name, I have no idea where Govan is, or how far away from the nearest dentist.

party_pants said:

Michael V said:

Michael V said:

Still nfi.

Obviously p_p is still more Scottish than me.

“have you come far?”

As for the place name, I have no idea where Govan is, or how far away from the nearest dentist.

Cognoscenti…

Michael V said:

dv said:

NFI, sorry.

In spite of my Scottish heritage, I too need a translation.

The Rev Dodgson said:

Michael V said:

dv said:

NFI, sorry.

In spite of my Scottish heritage, I too need a translation.

OK, I have now caught up with this one and consulted TATE on
Govan

The Rev Dodgson said:

Michael V said:

dv said:

NFI, sorry.

In spite of my Scottish heritage, I too need a translation.

The woman come fae Govan

esselte said:

The Rev Dodgson said:

Michael V said:

NFI, sorry.

In spite of my Scottish heritage, I too need a translation.

The woman come fae Govan

Useful Scots phrases

>>Useful Scots phrases

What are you looking at Jimmy.

Peak Warming Man said:

>>Useful Scots phrases

What are you looking at Jimmy.

See you, Jimmy!

Peak Warming Man said:

>>Useful Scots phrases

What are you looking at Jimmy.

Or,

‘pick a window, Jimmy; yer gunna be leavin’‘.

Not far, but from

A Jewish man, a Hindu man and a lawyer are driving down a country road.
Of course, the car breaks down because this is a joke and they’re forced to walk.

They walk for hours and the sun is setting as they come up on an old farmhouse. They decide to take a chance and knock on the door. An old farmer answers the door and the trio explain their situation. The farmer says, well, ain’t nobody around here that can help you till morning. But y’all are welcome to spend the night here. But you’re going to have to get a bed down in the barn because I only got two spare beds up in the house. See?

The trio draws straws and the Jewish man gets the short one. So he goes to the barn to sleep and everyone goes to bed. A few minutes later, the farmer hears a knock at the door. He opens the door and the Jewish man is standing there saying, listen, I’m Jewish. I can’t sleep in that barn. There’s a pig in there and it’s forbidden for me to sleep near such a filthy animal. So they wake up the Hindu man and he agrees to swap places with the Jewish man and everyone goes back to bed.

A few minutes later, the farmer hears another knock on the door. He opens the door and the Hindu is standing there. The Hindu man says, look, I can’t sleep in the barn. There’s a cow in there and I’m unworthy to sleep near such a holy animal. So they wake up the lawyer and he goes out to sleep in the barn and everyone gets back to bed.

A few minutes later, the farmer hears another knock on the door. He storms down, pulls the door open
and sees a pig and a cow standing there.

dv said:

You may need to explain that. I have nfi.

Michael V said:

dv said:

You may need to explain that. I have nfi.

Friend = golf caddy

Shampoo advice = shower caddy

Divine Angel said:

Michael V said:

dv said:

You may need to explain that. I have nfi.

Friend = golf caddy

Shampoo advice = shower caddy

O…K…

That’s very weird. Very weird indeed.

Divine Angel said:

Michael V said:

dv said:

You may need to explain that. I have nfi.

Friend = golf caddy

Shampoo advice = shower caddy

ishnfi :)

The Rev Dodgson said:

Divine Angel said:

Michael V said:

You may need to explain that. I have nfi.

Friend = golf caddy

Shampoo advice = shower caddy

ishnfi :)

someone to wash your back.

The Rev Dodgson said:

Divine Angel said:

Michael V said:

You may need to explain that. I have nfi.

Friend = golf caddy

Shampoo advice = shower caddy

ishnfi :)

At first glance I was assuming that a ‘shower caddy’ is the little plastic/metal shelf hung on the wall in the shower to hold stuff

Witty Rejoinder said:

The Rev Dodgson said:

Divine Angel said:

Friend = golf caddy

Shampoo advice = shower caddy

ishnfi :)

At first glance I was assuming that a ‘shower caddy’ is the little plastic/metal shelf hung on the wall in the shower to hold stuff

Isn’t it?

Michael V said:

Witty Rejoinder said:

The Rev Dodgson said:

ishnfi :)

At first glance I was assuming that a ‘shower caddy’ is the little plastic/metal shelf hung on the wall in the shower to hold stuff

Isn’t it?

It is

Michael V said:

Divine Angel said:

Michael V said:

You may need to explain that. I have nfi.

Friend = golf caddy

Shampoo advice = shower caddy

O…K…

That’s very weird. Very weird indeed.

A shower caddy is a rack with shelves or baskets that goes over the spout of your shower, wherein you put your shampoos and soaps and body lotions and all that stuff.

A golf caddy is a person who carries your clubs, and (for professionals) offers advice and coaching on club selection and tactics.

He is mixing up the role of a golf caddy with a person to hold his shampoos and advise him which one to use while he has a shower.

dv said:

Michael V said:

Witty Rejoinder said:

At first glance I was assuming that a ‘shower caddy’ is the little plastic/metal shelf hung on the wall in the shower to hold stuff

Isn’t it?

It is

I also thought it was, so I still don’t get the joke. I had thought that maybe Witty was referring to something else.

party_pants said:

Michael V said:

Divine Angel said:

Friend = golf caddy

Shampoo advice = shower caddy

O…K…

That’s very weird. Very weird indeed.

A shower caddy is a rack with shelves or baskets that goes over the spout of your shower, wherein you put your shampoos and soaps and body lotions and all that stuff.

A golf caddy is a person who carries your clubs, and (for professionals) offers advice and coaching on club selection and tactics.

He is mixing up the role of a golf caddy with a person to hold his shampoos and advise him which one to use while he has a shower.

OK. Thanks for explaining.

They are such different things, even I would find them difficult to mix up.

Michael V said:

party_pants said:

Michael V said:

O…K…

That’s very weird. Very weird indeed.

A shower caddy is a rack with shelves or baskets that goes over the spout of your shower, wherein you put your shampoos and soaps and body lotions and all that stuff.

A golf caddy is a person who carries your clubs, and (for professionals) offers advice and coaching on club selection and tactics.

He is mixing up the role of a golf caddy with a person to hold his shampoos and advise him which one to use while he has a shower.

OK. Thanks for explaining.

They are such different things, even I would find them difficult to mix up.

I take it he is a stand-up comedian, and the mix-up is the joke.

party_pants said:

Michael V said:

party_pants said:

A shower caddy is a rack with shelves or baskets that goes over the spout of your shower, wherein you put your shampoos and soaps and body lotions and all that stuff.

A golf caddy is a person who carries your clubs, and (for professionals) offers advice and coaching on club selection and tactics.

He is mixing up the role of a golf caddy with a person to hold his shampoos and advise him which one to use while he has a shower.

OK. Thanks for explaining.

They are such different things, even I would find them difficult to mix up.

I take it he is a stand-up comedian, and the mix-up is the joke.

It’s a pity; I miss jokes all the time. But then again, others miss my jokes most of the time too.

Like the long or round barrow in the other thread.

Michael V said:

party_pants said:

Michael V said:

OK. Thanks for explaining.

They are such different things, even I would find them difficult to mix up.

I take it he is a stand-up comedian, and the mix-up is the joke.

It’s a pity; I miss jokes all the time. But then again, others miss my jokes most of the time too.

Like the long or round barrow in the other thread.

I did actually assume your comment was intended in jest :)

Bubblecar said:

Michael V said:

party_pants said:

I take it he is a stand-up comedian, and the mix-up is the joke.

It’s a pity; I miss jokes all the time. But then again, others miss my jokes most of the time too.

Like the long or round barrow in the other thread.

I did actually assume your comment was intended in jest :)

Ta.

:)

party_pants said:

Michael V said:

party_pants said:

A shower caddy is a rack with shelves or baskets that goes over the spout of your shower, wherein you put your shampoos and soaps and body lotions and all that stuff.

A golf caddy is a person who carries your clubs, and (for professionals) offers advice and coaching on club selection and tactics.

He is mixing up the role of a golf caddy with a person to hold his shampoos and advise him which one to use while he has a shower.

OK. Thanks for explaining.

They are such different things, even I would find them difficult to mix up.

I take it he is a stand-up comedian,

Well it sure ain’t dv.

Michael V said:

dv said:

You may need to explain that. I have nfi.

So it is implied that the speaker has misunderstood what a shower caddy is, thinking that it is analogous to a caddy in golf who might advise the golfer what club to use. A simple play on words.

dv said:

Michael V said:

dv said:

You may need to explain that. I have nfi.

So it is implied that the speaker has misunderstood what a shower caddy is, thinking that it is analogous to a caddy in golf who might advise the golfer what club to use. A simple play on words.

Who has ever misunderstood that?

Even I don’t!

Michael V said:

dv said:

Michael V said:

You may need to explain that. I have nfi.

So it is implied that the speaker has misunderstood what a shower caddy is, thinking that it is analogous to a caddy in golf who might advise the golfer what club to use. A simple play on words.

Who has ever misunderstood that?

Even I don’t!

Ah. The joke is that nobody has ever misunderstood that.

Weka.

Michael V said:

dv said:

Michael V said:

You may need to explain that. I have nfi.

So it is implied that the speaker has misunderstood what a shower caddy is, thinking that it is analogous to a caddy in golf who might advise the golfer what club to use. A simple play on words.

Who has ever misunderstood that?

Even I don’t!

Sometimes comedians invent situations that would be unlikely to occur in real life, for the sake of entertainment.

dv said:

Michael V said:

dv said:

So it is implied that the speaker has misunderstood what a shower caddy is, thinking that it is analogous to a caddy in golf who might advise the golfer what club to use. A simple play on words.

Who has ever misunderstood that?

Even I don’t!

Sometimes comedians invent situations that would be unlikely to occur in real life, for the sake of entertainment.

This explains so much…

Michael V said:

dv said:

Michael V said:

You may need to explain that. I have nfi.

So it is implied that the speaker has misunderstood what a shower caddy is, thinking that it is analogous to a caddy in golf who might advise the golfer what club to use. A simple play on words.

Who has ever misunderstood that?

Even I don’t!

But it still makes no sense. Maybe I’m just drunk ( keep an eye out for a question on DA’s quiz about occasionally drunken forumites) but who on AirTasker volunteers to be a shower accessory?

Michael V said:

Divine Angel said:

Michael V said:

You may need to explain that. I have nfi.

Friend = golf caddy

Shampoo advice = shower caddy

O…K…

That’s very weird. Very weird indeed.

I don’t get it still. I don’t think I ever will.

dv said:

Snigger.

:)

dv said:

(((red cards @dv)))

Michael V said:

dv said:

Snigger.

:)

the 6 foot version of

“Northern Conservative Baptist Great Lakes Region Council of 1912.” I said, “Die, heretic!” And I pushed him over.

The Rev Dodgson said:

roughbarked said:

The Rev Dodgson said:

ms spock said:

btm said:

SCIENCE said:

ms spock said:

Michael V said:

dv said:

Snigger.

:)

(((red cards @dv)))

the 6 foot version of

“Northern Conservative Baptist Great Lakes Region Council of 1912.” I said, “Die, heretic!” And I pushed him over.

I just watched a pirated movie. On a scale of 1 to 10 I’d give it 3.14159265

Hardly worth pirating.

Yeah, but the one I watched was so good I’d give it 22 out of 7.

Seems like a circular argument.

‘arc at him.

so yousal’r’ bringing it back around to that joke about in sect or something again we see

walking home the other evening when a man came up to me
“have you seen a policeman around here?” he asked.
“No” i replied
“Stick ‘em up then”.

ChrispenEvan said:

walking home the other evening when a man came up to me
“have you seen a policeman around here?” he asked.
“No” i replied
“Stick ‘em up then”.

Don’t give up your day job.

Peak Warming Man said:

ChrispenEvan said:

walking home the other evening when a man came up to me
“have you seen a policeman around here?” he asked.
“No” i replied
“Stick ‘em up then”.

Don’t give up your day job.

I’m retired. I’ll be here all week.

Peak Warming Man said:

ChrispenEvan said:

walking home the other evening when a man came up to me
“have you seen a policeman around here?” he asked.
“No” i replied
“Stick ‘em up then”.

Don’t give up your day job.

A bloke in the shopping mall stopped me and asked,

‘have you ever encountered an invisible cow?’

‘No’, i said, ‘ i have not.’

‘How do you know?’, he asked.

captain_spalding said:

Peak Warming Man said:

ChrispenEvan said:

walking home the other evening when a man came up to me
“have you seen a policeman around here?” he asked.
“No” i replied
“Stick ‘em up then”.

Don’t give up your day job.

A bloke in the shopping mall stopped me and asked,

‘have you ever encountered an invisible cow?’

‘No’, i said, ‘ i have not.’

‘How do you know?’, he asked.

He had a point there, albeit a pointless one.

Have a very old joke, most likely based on real events:

What are some of the most profound jokes ever?
An engineer dies and reports to the pearly gates. St. Peter checks his dossier and says, “Ah, you’re an engineer — you’re assigned to hell.”

So the engineer reports to the gates of hell and is let in. Pretty soon, the engineer gets dissatisfied with the level of accommodations and starts designing and building improvements.

After awhile, they’ve got air conditioning and flush toilets, escalators, elevators and so on .. and — the engineer is a pretty popular guy.

One day, God calls Satan on the telephone, and says with a lordly air, “So, how’s it going down there in hell?”
Satan replies, “Hey, things are going great. We’ve got air conditioning and flush toilets and escalators. There’s no telling what what our engineer is going to come up with next!”
God replies, “What??? You’ve got an engineer? That’s a mistake — he should have never gotten down there; send him back immediately!
Satan says, “No way. I like having an engineer on the staff, and I’m keeping him!”
God says, “Send him back up here or I’ll sue!”
Satan laughs uproariously and answers: “Yeah, right. And just where are YOU going to get a lawyer?”

kii said:

O…K…

From Next Door:

“Three surgeons were discussing who makes the best patient to operate on.

The first surgeon said:
- Electricians are the best. Everything inside them is colour-coded.

The second surgeon said:
- No, I think librarians are. Everything inside them is in alphabetical order.

The third surgeon shut them both up when he said:
- You’re both wrong. Politicians are the easiest to operate on.
There’s no guts,
no heart,
no brains
and no spine.

Plus, the head and the butt are interchangeable.”

The Rev Dodgson said:

From Next Door:

“Three surgeons were discussing who makes the best patient to operate on.

The first surgeon said:
- Electricians are the best. Everything inside them is colour-coded.

The second surgeon said:
- No, I think librarians are. Everything inside them is in alphabetical order.

The third surgeon shut them both up when he said:
- You’re both wrong. Politicians are the easiest to operate on.
There’s no guts,
no heart,
no brains
and no spine.

Plus, the head and the butt are interchangeable.”

I heard that (a long time ago) as “Americans are easiest to operate on: they’ve only got two working parts, a mouth and an arsehole, and they’re interchangeable.

btm said:

The Rev Dodgson said:

From Next Door:

“Three surgeons were discussing who makes the best patient to operate on.

The first surgeon said:
- Electricians are the best. Everything inside them is colour-coded.

The second surgeon said:
- No, I think librarians are. Everything inside them is in alphabetical order.

The third surgeon shut them both up when he said:
- You’re both wrong. Politicians are the easiest to operate on.
There’s no guts,
no heart,
no brains
and no spine.

Plus, the head and the butt are interchangeable.”

I heard that (a long time ago) as “Americans are easiest to operate on: they’ve only got two working parts, a mouth and an arsehole, and they’re interchangeable.

that’s the key to a better joke i’n‘it, it’s actually customised to the relevant objects such that they can’t simply be switched freely to fit like a variable

SCIENCE said:

btm said:

The Rev Dodgson said:

From Next Door:

“Three surgeons were discussing who makes the best patient to operate on.

The first surgeon said:
- Electricians are the best. Everything inside them is colour-coded.

The second surgeon said:
- No, I think librarians are. Everything inside them is in alphabetical order.

The third surgeon shut them both up when he said:
- You’re both wrong. Politicians are the easiest to operate on.
There’s no guts,
no heart,
no brains
and no spine.

Plus, the head and the butt are interchangeable.”

I heard that (a long time ago) as “Americans are easiest to operate on: they’ve only got two working parts, a mouth and an arsehole, and they’re interchangeable.

that’s the key to a better joke i’n‘it, it’s actually customised to the relevant objects such that they can’t simply be switched freely to fit like a variable

They get pased down through many generations and do get adjusted to suit the times.

roughbarked said:

SCIENCE said:

btm said:

I heard that (a long time ago) as “Americans are easiest to operate on: they’ve only got two working parts, a mouth and an arsehole, and they’re interchangeable.

that’s the key to a better joke i’n‘it, it’s actually customised to the relevant objects such that they can’t simply be switched freely to fit like a variable

They get pased down through many generations and do get adjusted to suit the times.

sure we’r‘n’t saying they can’t be amusing

just that it’s more intellectually rewarding for the pretentious ones among us if the objects of the joke can’t simply be arbitrarily changed

except for specific jokes where the potential for arbitrary change is part of the joke, which would also make it intellectually rewarding

SCIENCE said:

btm said:

The Rev Dodgson said:

From Next Door:

“Three surgeons were discussing who makes the best patient to operate on.

The first surgeon said:
- Electricians are the best. Everything inside them is colour-coded.

The second surgeon said:
- No, I think librarians are. Everything inside them is in alphabetical order.

The third surgeon shut them both up when he said:
- You’re both wrong. Politicians are the easiest to operate on.
There’s no guts,
no heart,
no brains
and no spine.

Plus, the head and the butt are interchangeable.”

I heard that (a long time ago) as “Americans are easiest to operate on: they’ve only got two working parts, a mouth and an arsehole, and they’re interchangeable.

that’s the key to a better joke i’n‘it, it’s actually customised to the relevant objects such that they can’t simply be switched freely to fit like a variable

OK, so this version is very specific, from the times of Bush the younger:

Three surgeons are discussing their ability to get people back in working order after a severe accident.

Surgeon 1:
A young man had his arm removed by a shark. I recovered the arm, put it back in place, and two years later he won Wimbledon.

Surgeon 2:
That’s nothing. I had a young man who lost both his legs in a car accident. I fixed those legs back in place, and two years later he won the Olympics marathon.

Surgeon 3 (an American):
You guys are just amateurs. I had a young man who had ridden a horse in front of an express train.

All I had to work with was a cowboy’s hat and a horse’s arsehole.

But I put that young man back together.
.
.
.

And 2 years later he was president of the USA.

The Rev Dodgson said:

SCIENCE said:

btm said:

I heard that (a long time ago) as “Americans are easiest to operate on: they’ve only got two working parts, a mouth and an arsehole, and they’re interchangeable.

that’s the key to a better joke i’n‘it, it’s actually customised to the relevant objects such that they can’t simply be switched freely to fit like a variable

OK, so this version is very specific, from the times of Bush the younger:

Three surgeons are discussing their ability to get people back in working order after a severe accident.

Surgeon 1:
A young man had his arm removed by a shark. I recovered the arm, put it back in place, and two years later he won Wimbledon.

Surgeon 2:
That’s nothing. I had a young man who lost both his legs in a car accident. I fixed those legs back in place, and two years later he won the Olympics marathon.

Surgeon 3 (an American):
You guys are just amateurs. I had a young man who had ridden a horse in front of an express train.

All I had to work with was a cowboy’s hat and a horse’s arsehole.

But I put that young man back together.
.
.
.

And 2 years later he was president of the USA.

:)

A pea, a lemon, and a potato were leaving a bar at the top of a very steep hill after a long night.
The pea, feeling quite energetic, shouted, “Lads! We’re all round – let’s just roll home!” and immediately shot down the hill.

The lemon wobbled after him, but his oval shape made him list violently from side to side, which did nothing for his unsettled stomach. The potato followed behind, trundling along slowly.

When the potato finally reached the bottom, he found the lemon leaning against a lamp post, looking very pale and clearly sick. The pea, however, was already jumping up and down. “That was brilliant! Let’s do it again!”

The potato looked at the lemon, then back at the pea, and said: “Easy peasy, lemon’s queasy”.

I think most politicians in this country, even those I don’t agree with, are decent people trying to improve the country.

dv said:

I think most politicians in this country, even those I don’t agree with, are decent people trying to improve the country.

we agree that by and large the antivaccination crowd you tend to encounter in the community are decent people trying to do the best for their children

The Rev Dodgson said:

From Next Door:

“Three surgeons were discussing who makes the best patient to operate on.

The first surgeon said:
- Electricians are the best. Everything inside them is colour-coded.

The second surgeon said:
- No, I think librarians are. Everything inside them is in alphabetical order.

The third surgeon shut them both up when he said:
- You’re both wrong. Politicians are the easiest to operate on.
There’s no guts,
no heart,
no brains
and no spine.

Plus, the head and the butt are interchangeable.”

:)

fsm said:

A pea, a lemon, and a potato were leaving a bar at the top of a very steep hill after a long night.
The pea, feeling quite energetic, shouted, “Lads! We’re all round – let’s just roll home!” and immediately shot down the hill.

The lemon wobbled after him, but his oval shape made him list violently from side to side, which did nothing for his unsettled stomach. The potato followed behind, trundling along slowly.

When the potato finally reached the bottom, he found the lemon leaning against a lamp post, looking very pale and clearly sick. The pea, however, was already jumping up and down. “That was brilliant! Let’s do it again!”

The potato looked at the lemon, then back at the pea, and said: “Easy peasy, lemon’s queasy”.

Jesus Christ.

dv said:

I think most politicians in this country, even those I don’t agree with, are decent people trying to improve the country.

I was about to express a different view, then I noticed which thread we are in.

The Rev Dodgson said:

dv said:

I think most politicians in this country, even those I don’t agree with, are decent people trying to improve the country.

I was about to express a different view, then I noticed which thread we are in.

+1

A neurologist was diagnosing a man who had lost the ability to do basic math. “What’s 9 plus 9?” “12”. “What’s 8 and 8?” “10”. The doctor shook his head. “Very interesting. What about 6 times 5?” The man thought for a second and answered “1E”.

“Aha, I’ve figured it out!” The doctor said. “Somebody’s clearly put a hex on you.”

A man loses three fingers in a work accident. At the hospital he asks the doctor, “Will I be able to drive with this hand?” The doctor replies,

“Maybe. But I wouldn’t count on it.”

Kingy said:

A man loses three fingers in a work accident. At the hospital he asks the doctor, “Will I be able to drive with this hand?” The doctor replies,

“Maybe. But I wouldn’t count on it.”

Jokes about being digitally challenged makes Boris cry.

Kingy said:

A man loses three fingers in a work accident. At the hospital he asks the doctor, “Will I be able to drive with this hand?” The doctor replies,

“Maybe. But I wouldn’t count on it.”

Jesus

Peak Warming Man said:

Kingy said:

Kingy said:

A neurologist was diagnosing a man who had lost the ability to do basic math. “What’s 9 plus 9?” “12”. “What’s 8 and 8?” “10”. The doctor shook his head. “Very interesting. What about 6 times 5?” The man thought for a second and answered “1E”.

“Aha, I’ve figured it out!” The doctor said. “Somebody’s clearly put a hex on you.”

A man loses three fingers in a work accident. At the hospital he asks the doctor, “Will I be able to drive with this hand?” The doctor replies,

“Maybe. But I wouldn’t count on it.”

Jokes about being digitally challenged makes Boris cry.

well they could still have counted to four except they were nonbinary

SCIENCE said:

Peak Warming Man said:

Kingy said:

A man loses three fingers in a work accident. At the hospital he asks the doctor, “Will I be able to drive with this hand?” The doctor replies,

“Maybe. But I wouldn’t count on it.”

Jokes about being digitally challenged makes Boris cry.

well they could still have counted to four except they were nonbinary

golf clap. Note the hex joke I posted earlier.

Did you know that the first ever parachute was tested using a chimp

But the man died. Turns out jumping from a plane holding a chimp doesn’t slow your fall.

Kingy said:

Did you know that the first ever parachute was tested using a chimp

But the man died. Turns out jumping from a plane holding a chimp doesn’t slow your fall.

Did the chimp survive?

Bubblecar said:

Kingy said:

Did you know that the first ever parachute was tested using a chimp

But the man died. Turns out jumping from a plane holding a chimp doesn’t slow your fall.

Did the chimp survive?

Yes, he climbed on top of the human, and just before he hit the ground, the chimp jumped off.

Kingy said:

Bubblecar said:

Kingy said:

Did you know that the first ever parachute was tested using a chimp

But the man died. Turns out jumping from a plane holding a chimp doesn’t slow your fall.

Did the chimp survive?

Yes, he climbed on top of the human, and just before he hit the ground, the chimp jumped off.

Sensible.

Two female sheep saw the farmer introducing a few male sheep to the herd.

One said to the other, at least now we will get to have a lamb.

A few months later, they caught up again. One Ewe asked the other, did you get to have a baby?

The other replied, “No, did you?”

She said, “No, I think we were both under the wether that day”.

Kingy said:

Two female sheep saw the farmer introducing a few male sheep to the herd.

One said to the other, at least now we will get to have a lamb.

A few months later, they caught up again. One Ewe asked the other, did you get to have a baby?

The other replied, “No, did you?”

She said, “No, I think we were both under the wether that day”.

Ewe raised a small smile with that one.

Bubblecar said:

Kingy said:

Two female sheep saw the farmer introducing a few male sheep to the herd.

One said to the other, at least now we will get to have a lamb.

A few months later, they caught up again. One Ewe asked the other, did you get to have a baby?

The other replied, “No, did you?”

She said, “No, I think we were both under the wether that day”.

Ewe raised a small smile with that one.

cast rating below

☆☆☆☆☆

anyway

Morgenbesser was known particularly for his sharp witticisms and humor which often penetrated to the heart of the philosophical issue at hand, on which account The New York Times Magazine dubbed him the “Sidewalk Socrates.” According to one anecdote, when J. L. Austin claimed that, although a double negative often implies a positive meaning (e.g., “he is not unlike his sister”), there is no language in which a double positive implies a negative, Morgenbesser retorted: “Yeah, yeah.” In another commonly reported story, Morgenbesser was asked by a student whether he agreed with Chairman Mao’s view that a statement can be both true and false at the same time, to which Morgenbesser replied “Well, I do and I don’t.”

A mate of mine just got a job at a chess factory.

He starts on knight shift next week.

Kingy said:

A mate of mine just got a job at a chess factory.

He starts on knight shift next week.

Sounds like my mate who worked at the calendar factory. He got the sack for taking too many days off.

The Rocky Horror Picture Show is the only movie in the Rocky series to not feature Sylvester Stallone.

From another forum:

“I love arguing with Mimes, I have won a 100% and always leave them speechless.”

The Rev Dodgson said:

From another forum:

“I love arguing with Mimes, I have won a 100% and always leave them speechless.”

now do deafmutes

cottage cheese isn’t cheese at all it’s just a curd to me.

Bogsnorkler said:

cottage cheese isn’t cheese at all it’s just a curd to me.

Munchable curd.

roughbarked said:

Bogsnorkler said:

cottage cheese isn’t cheese at all it’s just a curd to me.

Munchable curd.

What?

I’m thinking of starting a business where you can hire hunting dog. Gunna call it We Lease the Hounds.

Bogsnorkler said:

I’m thinking of starting a business where you can hire hunting dog. Gunna call it We Lease the Hounds.

Fucking hell.

Peak Warming Man said:

Bogsnorkler said:

I’m thinking of starting a business where you can hire hunting dog. Gunna call it We Lease the Hounds.

Fucking hell.

+1

Peak Warming Man said:

Bogsnorkler said:

I’m thinking of starting a business where you can hire hunting dog. Gunna call it We Lease the Hounds.

Fucking hell.

there is no higher praise for a dad joke.

Bogsnorkler said:

Peak Warming Man said:

Bogsnorkler said:

I’m thinking of starting a business where you can hire hunting dog. Gunna call it We Lease the Hounds.

Fucking hell.

there is no higher praise for a dad joke.

It’s a good thing no one reads your posts.

Arts said:

Bogsnorkler said:

Peak Warming Man said:

Fucking hell.

there is no higher praise for a dad joke.

It’s a good thing no one reads your posts.

I read them and I laugh at my jokes.

Bogsnorkler said:

Arts said:

Bogsnorkler said:

there is no higher praise for a dad joke.

It’s a good thing no one reads your posts.

I read them and I laugh at my jokes.

That’s the spirit.

Bogsnorkler said:

Arts said:

Bogsnorkler said:

there is no higher praise for a dad joke.

It’s a good thing no one reads your posts.

I read them and I laugh at my jokes.

I read them because my OCD tendencies don’t allow me to have unread posts in the View By Time frame. Except for the Wordle spoilers thread. When they come up it means it’s time to go to bed anyway.

party_pants said:

Bogsnorkler said:

Arts said:

It’s a good thing no one reads your posts.

I read them and I laugh at my jokes.

I read them because my OCD tendencies don’t allow me to have unread posts in the View By Time frame. Except for the Wordle spoilers thread. When they come up it means it’s time to go to bed anyway.

I assume that’s while you are on the forum, or do you go back and read every post? Or just click through to satisfy your tendencies?

Arts said:

party_pants said:

Bogsnorkler said:

I read them and I laugh at my jokes.

I read them because my OCD tendencies don’t allow me to have unread posts in the View By Time frame. Except for the Wordle spoilers thread. When they come up it means it’s time to go to bed anyway.

I assume that’s while you are on the forum, or do you go back and read every post? Or just click through to satisfy your tendencies?

I start at the bottom of the View by time list and read up. Just those 15 -20 or so posts. I only read back further if there is something interesting being discussed and I want to see how the conversation started and developed, but this does not happen often.

party_pants said:

Arts said:

party_pants said:

I read them because my OCD tendencies don’t allow me to have unread posts in the View By Time frame. Except for the Wordle spoilers thread. When they come up it means it’s time to go to bed anyway.

I assume that’s while you are on the forum, or do you go back and read every post? Or just click through to satisfy your tendencies?

I start at the bottom of the View by time list and read up. Just those 15 -20 or so posts. I only read back further if there is something interesting being discussed and I want to see how the conversation started and developed, but this does not happen often.

Yeah.

Bogsnorkler said:

I’m thinking of starting a business where you can hire hunting dog. Gunna call it We Lease the Hounds.

From the Sally Cat Facebook group…

party_pants said:

Arts said:

party_pants said:

I read them because my OCD tendencies don’t allow me to have unread posts in the View By Time frame. Except for the Wordle spoilers thread. When they come up it means it’s time to go to bed anyway.

I assume that’s while you are on the forum, or do you go back and read every post? Or just click through to satisfy your tendencies?

I start at the bottom of the View by time list and read up. Just those 15 -20 or so posts. I only read back further if there is something interesting being discussed and I want to see how the conversation started and developed, but this does not happen often.

I wish I could do this every time. But I don’t have enough self-control.

dv said:

omg

Mini Me laughed though, so you can count that as a win

dv said:

I see.

Bubblecar said:

Divine Angel said:

dv said:

omg

Mini Me laughed though, so you can count that as a win

I see.

always knew it was a femidentified name

dv said:

well, that’s nice.

Divine Angel said:

dv said:

omg

Mini Me laughed though, so you can count that as a win

Finally found my audience.

Divine Angel said:

dv said:

omg

Mini Me laughed though, so you can count that as a win

Can she explain it for us?