I couldn’t find the old thread.
My sis Sandy in Qld rings me and starts the convo about all the things you would want to say to a person who had died but you missed telling them. So she started telling me how proud of me she is, how much she loves me, how much I made her laugh, stuff from when I was little and made her chuckle, ect. ect. She looked after me as a baby, a mere kid herself back then.
Whats up sis?
She has cancer and has only weeks left to live so she wanted to say all those things to me before she dies. She’s been ill for a couple years with what they thought was stomach ulcer probs, but it turns out to be pancreatic cancer and was told only a couple days ago. She said it wouldn’t have mattered one bit if they’d found it back then.
After I sat myself down and grabbed a tea towel and started bawling into it she said she wasn’t having a funeral, but a small gathering just her 3 sons and their wives and her grandkids her hubby and me, but only after her cremation.
The doc told her she could stay in hosp and have treatment or go home to her family. She opted for going home, no treatment. She was chirpy though and she said if she died tomorrow she’d be happy because of that bloody hilarious photo I sent her of Max stealing the pasta, it made her laugh so hard the nurses came running.

She doesn’t want me to rush up there, she knows I’m busy with GS and all. She was ringing to say goodbye :( I told her she’s not allowed to do that and I’m coming up asap.
Out of our 4 sisters she and I were always the closest and the distance we live apart mattered not.

My reason for putting this here, sorry to be a burden for asking but I need some advice from those far wiser than I, if I go and see her then how in blazes can I stay for a few days or a week or whatever then when I leave to come home..how can I wave to her knowing it is the last time I ever see her? I don’t know if I have the strength to do that. She’d already thought of this being too mentally/emotionally hard for me, that was the reason she said not to come. That’s just like Sandy, always puts my feelings first. But I have to!

What would you do?

Oh I need a tea towel…. and I don’t know what advice to give to you HP. :(

I am so sorry to hear about your sister HP. But what a blessing that she thought to tell you all those things so before she goes. I can’t advise you on when to go visit I’m afraid. That is a decision you will have to make yourself. Listen to your heart in this matter. When my father was dying mum kept saying don’t come yet but when she said you better come now, he died while we were en route and so I missed seeing him before he went. I didn’t feel that close to him but do wish I had gone a bit earlier. I did get to stay for the funeral though where I wouldn’t have been able to afford a second trip.

I have sent you an email HP.

Her family might need your support after she passes on, they might need somebody just to talk to. Meeting you now, while Sis is still with you, will give you all common terms of reference.

A heck of a shock for you, those Drs in RockVegas make me wonder, but you may find a lot of your anxiety will resolve itself if you do visit her now and see things for yourself.

Write emails to yourself, that will help clear your head.

Hope this helps.

I’m so sorry HP :(

I have absolutely no words of wisdom. Your sister sounds like a beautiful person.

How sad for you Coralee, I also cant advise you as what to do a I am not from a close family structure. I am sure whatever decision you make it will be the right one for you.

Can you afford the time to stay away for a few weeks or more? Maybe go up there as her time is getting closer ?

So sorry HP. I’ve no idea what to say, just do what feels right.

It’s an insidious disease. The same thing happened to one of our neighbours. She’d been sick on and off for ages, and treated for all sorts of stuff before they found it.

Hey thanks yous. This really did help me when I wasn’t thinking straight and I know I have to go and spend time with her.

Pomolo spot on re email. Will do.

You’re right BG, that jolted me awake. I will get the chance to have my turn to say all those things one wants to. I’m sorry you missed your Dad’s passing.

Thanks too Dinetta, I will spend some time with her kids and tell them things about their mum she may not have told them, or they didn’t think or know to ask about. San and I had a blast when we were together. I have stories! I will get writing.

Bon, she is one of life’s angels. She worked hard to get some rotten kids into educational institutions and ensued they stayed there and watched decent adults emerge.

Can’t afford anything right now Thee, work is slowing off for the man. It happens yearly. I will bus it there. If we can rig it for hubby to come with me all the better.

BL I talked to her about them not finding what it was sooner, but she said it is probably a blessing in disguise because the cancer she has is particularly aggressive and if she’d had chemo and got sick from that then her demise would probably be sooner. She has a point.

Hands PM a tea towel.

As long as you can get there and soend time with her is the main thing right now.

_hugs

Happy Potter said:

Hands PM a tea towel.

Blows nose… thanks.

I agree with everyone else, but I also appreciate the thoughts of your sister. Have you spoken with her this afternoon?

painmaster said:

Happy Potter said:

Hands PM a tea towel.

Blows nose… thanks.

I agree with everyone else, but I also appreciate the thoughts of your sister. Have you spoken with her this afternoon?

Thanks PM. Keep the tea towel..
Just got off the phone to her now, she is comfy. She will have some treatment after all but only light meds and enough to keep her upright long enough so her and her hubby can go out in their boat fishing.

Thee’s Estate said:

As long as you can get there and soend time with her is the main thing right now.

_hugs

I’ll get there :)
Thanks, hugs back to you.

Happy Potter said:

painmaster said:

Happy Potter said:

Hands PM a tea towel.

Blows nose… thanks.

I agree with everyone else, but I also appreciate the thoughts of your sister. Have you spoken with her this afternoon?

Thanks PM. Keep the tea towel..
Just got off the phone to her now, she is comfy. She will have some treatment after all but only light meds and enough to keep her upright long enough so her and her hubby can go out in their boat fishing.

Kinda sounds like you need to decide to work out when will be best for you to spend some time up north. Your sister is obviously preparing herself, and she will continue to call you if she needs to. But she will not be wanting to have to say “goodbye” every time she phones. But if you go now, and she holds on for a few more months, will you be able to return when at the time that she has requested?

Does she Skype? Can you set that up for a few face to face phone calls which although are odd, they are a kinda fun…

painmaster said:

Happy Potter said:

painmaster said:

Blows nose… thanks.

I agree with everyone else, but I also appreciate the thoughts of your sister. Have you spoken with her this afternoon?

Thanks PM. Keep the tea towel..
Just got off the phone to her now, she is comfy. She will have some treatment after all but only light meds and enough to keep her upright long enough so her and her hubby can go out in their boat fishing.

Kinda sounds like you need to decide to work out when will be best for you to spend some time up north. Your sister is obviously preparing herself, and she will continue to call you if she needs to. But she will not be wanting to have to say “goodbye” every time she phones. But if you go now, and she holds on for a few more months, will you be able to return when at the time that she has requested?

Does she Skype? Can you set that up for a few face to face phone calls which although are odd, they are a kinda fun…

Yes it’s hard and she’s trying to nail her doc down to the time she has left, but of course they don’t know. The light treatment will start next week then she will be able to tell me when is a good time to go visit. Once she accepted that I will come and see her, she reverted back to our normal phone conversations, none of this goodbye stuff.
I will mention skype, but she’s a bit ‘pc challenged’ poor old girl.

Just got off the blower again to my eldest girl and she said she will meet me in Bris when I go up and take me about. She knows I have no sense of direction lol. While I’m there I will catch up and spend a day or two with them.

Happy Potter said:

painmaster said:

Happy Potter said:

Thanks PM. Keep the tea towel..
Just got off the phone to her now, she is comfy. She will have some treatment after all but only light meds and enough to keep her upright long enough so her and her hubby can go out in their boat fishing.

Kinda sounds like you need to decide to work out when will be best for you to spend some time up north. Your sister is obviously preparing herself, and she will continue to call you if she needs to. But she will not be wanting to have to say “goodbye” every time she phones. But if you go now, and she holds on for a few more months, will you be able to return when at the time that she has requested?

Does she Skype? Can you set that up for a few face to face phone calls which although are odd, they are a kinda fun…

Yes it’s hard and she’s trying to nail her doc down to the time she has left, but of course they don’t know. The light treatment will start next week then she will be able to tell me when is a good time to go visit. Once she accepted that I will come and see her, she reverted back to our normal phone conversations, none of this goodbye stuff.
I will mention skype, but she’s a bit ‘pc challenged’ poor old girl.

Just got off the blower again to my eldest girl and she said she will meet me in Bris when I go up and take me about. She knows I have no sense of direction lol. While I’m there I will catch up and spend a day or two with them.

Sounds like you have made up your mind to go see her. Go with your convictions!

painmaster said:

Happy Potter said:

painmaster said:

Kinda sounds like you need to decide to work out when will be best for you to spend some time up north. Your sister is obviously preparing herself, and she will continue to call you if she needs to. But she will not be wanting to have to say “goodbye” every time she phones. But if you go now, and she holds on for a few more months, will you be able to return when at the time that she has requested?

Does she Skype? Can you set that up for a few face to face phone calls which although are odd, they are a kinda fun…

Yes it’s hard and she’s trying to nail her doc down to the time she has left, but of course they don’t know. The light treatment will start next week then she will be able to tell me when is a good time to go visit. Once she accepted that I will come and see her, she reverted back to our normal phone conversations, none of this goodbye stuff.
I will mention skype, but she’s a bit ‘pc challenged’ poor old girl.

Just got off the blower again to my eldest girl and she said she will meet me in Bris when I go up and take me about. She knows I have no sense of direction lol. While I’m there I will catch up and spend a day or two with them.

Sounds like you have made up your mind to go see her. Go with your convictions!

Have to.
She wasn’t happy about it still, doesn’t want people there being all sad but I said I’m not going to do that, just spend time with her and if she has to go off to the hospital I can go and spend the day with our other sister. Happy then :)

Happy Potter said:

painmaster said:

Happy Potter said:

Yes it’s hard and she’s trying to nail her doc down to the time she has left, but of course they don’t know. The light treatment will start next week then she will be able to tell me when is a good time to go visit. Once she accepted that I will come and see her, she reverted back to our normal phone conversations, none of this goodbye stuff.
I will mention skype, but she’s a bit ‘pc challenged’ poor old girl.

Just got off the blower again to my eldest girl and she said she will meet me in Bris when I go up and take me about. She knows I have no sense of direction lol. While I’m there I will catch up and spend a day or two with them.

Sounds like you have made up your mind to go see her. Go with your convictions!

Have to.
She wasn’t happy about it still, doesn’t want people there being all sad but I said I’m not going to do that, just spend time with her and if she has to go off to the hospital I can go and spend the day with our other sister. Happy then :)

help her have lots of laughs.

Firstly I am so sorry HP that your sister is on her finally journey. I am so glad to read you are going to take part of this journey with her. Its only fitting as you are so close.

I have regrets with my mum after she died of kidney cancer. I was the good daughter who came when I was allowed and now feel robbed of my time I could have had with her. My other 2 sisters spent a week each with her at the end.

What I did get was to spend those hours/days with my dad alone in their house until the funeral and I now have a closer relationship with him.

My thoughts and prayer are in this post for you and your families.

HP, so sorry to hear about your sister. I’m glad you decided to go up there. ((hugs))

hortfurball said:

HP, so sorry to hear about your sister. I’m glad you decided to go up there. ((hugs))

I still don’t know when I can go and visit Sandy. The poor girls been in so much pain she’s spent the past week in a pain clinic. Once they have that under control I will go up and see her.

But other nice news is Mrs. Daughter is expecting a girl. Her name wil be Tiana. That’s pretty :)

Happy Potter said:

But other nice news is Mrs. Daughter is expecting a girl. Her name wil be Tiana. That’s pretty :)

lovely :D

Happy Potter said:

hortfurball said:

HP, so sorry to hear about your sister. I’m glad you decided to go up there. ((hugs))

I still don’t know when I can go and visit Sandy. The poor girls been in so much pain she’s spent the past week in a pain clinic. Once they have that under control I will go up and see her.

Where abouts in Q is your sister HP? I know you’ve told me before but I’ve forgotten.

Happy Potter said:

But other nice news is Mrs. Daughter is expecting a girl. Her name wil be Tiana. That’s pretty :)

That’s lovely.

pomolo said:

Happy Potter said:

hortfurball said:

HP, so sorry to hear about your sister. I’m glad you decided to go up there. ((hugs))

I still don’t know when I can go and visit Sandy. The poor girls been in so much pain she’s spent the past week in a pain clinic. Once they have that under control I will go up and see her.

Where abouts in Q is your sister HP? I know you’ve told me before but I’ve forgotten.

Nambour. My other sis Donna lives closer to Brissy and when I go there I will be staying with her. Although she and San wern’t as close as San and I, she’s losing it. Donna’s the eldest sibling, very old school headmisstress/ matronly type and she used to rile Sandy. I was always the go -between lol.

Terribly sad news and I sent my sympathies to you, I hope you manage to have some quality time with her soon, there is nothing like giving a nice long tight hug to somebody you Love, it says more than words sometimes x

daff said:

Terribly sad news and I sent my sympathies to you, I hope you manage to have some quality time with her soon, there is nothing like giving a nice long tight hug to somebody you Love, it says more than words sometimes x

Thank you Daff. Yes that is exactly right. The distance never mattered until now.
I’m gearing up to leave my garden and my animals in the familys care for a week.