I have a female friend who will complain about a problem she has, usually a medical problem, but not necessarily exclusively medical, she will present two possible solutions to this problem and ask me which one she should choose, solution A or B? I suggest A and she then says this won’t work, so I then suggest B, and I am told that this won’t work either, if I then suggest solution C, she asks me what it is and I explain, I am then told that this won’t work either, I ask why? has she tried it? and I am told that she hasn’t tried it but she knows it won’t work, so then asks me to choose between A and B again!!! WTF is this sh*t? I have met two other females who were sisters who used to pull this stunt too, is this a recognised mental disorder? and WTF do I do to survive this sh*t? threats of a restraining order don’t seem to bother her.

If her response is that predictable, then just tell her that in your opinion neither solution will work, and there are no other alternatives. Logically, she should nod in agreement, and you can then change the subject to more pleasant matters.

Bubbles, thanks I will give that a try, but I am not hopeful, is her behaviour consistent with any diagnoseable mental disorder?

More like she’s looking for someone to vent to. Smile and nod.

>>>More like she’s looking for someone to vent to. Smile and nod.

Thanks D A I’ll give it a try, but not sure how well smiling and nodding works over the ‘phone.

Hmm.

I’d say she’s not actually looking for advice, just someone to talk to. A few “I’m not sure” and “Maybe ask your GP or pharmacist?” thrown in occasionally makes it seem like you’re caring, when really you’re just palming her off to someone else and filing her under Not My Problem.

D A thanks I will give that a try, but she seems to have a history of shopping around a variety of medical and non-medical practitioners.

I would suggest that you walk away when she brings it up. Go to the toilet. Call out to a colleague and run down the hall. Mime being strangled by Darth Vader from a distance. Run off to buy a cake for the other staff. Tell her Star Trek worked for you. Stare at the wall above her head and don’t make eye contact with her when she brings this up. (Ok not the the Star Wars and Star Trek options.)

The recording strategy is good in this situation: “I have no idea I have no medical expertise!” “I have no idea I have no medical expertise!” and just answer every comment or question with “I have no idea I have no medical expertise!”

When she talks about other things give her attention and make eye contact with her. If she brings it up excuse your self and rush off.

Running to the window and yelling “What bird is that?” Is working quite well for someone I know in a similar situation.

waves

ms spock, thankyou, all good “circuit breaking” type techniques which I will tryout, fortuneately I don’t live with her, so I am not trapped, and can use the answering machine as a filter, ta.