My mum died the other day from pancreatic cancer and it took everything from her

The person that died looked nothing like her and that damn image I have in my head of what she looked like when she died is all I remember.
I really hope it will go away over time

Then we come to my ex, she makes me so fucking angry, the anger I feel towards her sometimes is scary, she is so difficult and I keep hoping one day she will realise this, but probably not. I think perhaps I need to give up on the idea of a happy family unit. The thing is though my dad said to us we need to make it work and this was when everyone was with my mum just before she died. I understand why he did it, but it would mean too much compromise on my behalf to have some semblance of a family. I miss my little girl as well

So thats me venting here as I don’t have anywhere else to do it

Shit mate :(

If it’s any help; next Thursday will be exactly one year to the day since my Mum died. I know what you are saying about the image in your mind, but I found it faded over time, I now recall more fond moments, not the last few horrible days at the hospital. I still dream of Mum being alive and with us.

Sorry to hear about that Cymek, my thoughts are with you.

Strength in difficult time for you, Cymek.

good place to vent cymek, among mates.

Sorry for your loss Cymek. About the other stuff, I hope things pick up soon.

A good vent does wonders…

If I was there I’d have a beer or eight with you..

((hugs)) to you Cymek

I agree with PP here too, it can take a little time but the good memories will happen.

Try to be kind to yourself.

i take it the cancer lasted for quite some time before it took her?

wookiemeister said:

i take it the cancer lasted for quite some time before it took her?

She lasted one day short of a year when it was first diagnosed
The odds were against her from the start, 5% survival rate for pancreatic cancer

Cymek said:

wookiemeister said:

i take it the cancer lasted for quite some time before it took her?

She lasted one day short of a year when it was first diagnosed
The odds were against her from the start, 5% survival rate for pancreatic cancer

i guess things hadn’t been quite right before the diagnosis?

wookiemeister said:

Cymek said:

wookiemeister said:

i take it the cancer lasted for quite some time before it took her?

She lasted one day short of a year when it was first diagnosed
The odds were against her from the start, 5% survival rate for pancreatic cancer

i guess things hadn’t been quite right before the diagnosis?

She seemed fine, tired but that was about it
She was jaundiced and went to the doctor and they sent her to hospital who diagnosed her with it

Sorry to hear about your loss. In my experience bad memories do tend to fade and the good memories return to the fore. We all remember the good times. Painful times at the mo, but it will get better.

i don’t have that experience of watching someone fade away ; when the stepfather died last year it happened quickly. at first it was him falling down the stairs – then it was the cancer diagnosis, in two weeks he went from falling down the stairs to dead. by the time i saw him in the funeral home his face looked different but i recognised his hands after a lifetime of work on all kinds of machines his hands had taken on a unique characteristic needed to prise , twist , pull and push stuff around.

it would be harder to watch someone fade away, feelings of powerlessness and trying to get your head around whats going.

i think this time for you will be about making sense about what has happened in the last year and taking stock.

if its any help i don’t think this life as we know it is all that we understand, there is definitely something going on that we don’t know or can’t see. its nothing about religion / god just limited life experiences.

Oh, Cymek :( my sincere condolences. Time will help…even though it seems that nothing will help right now.

I’ve been in both places – grieving a loved parent and the loss of a relationship with the father of my sons. Focus on the children, from my experience there is not much you can do about the other parent’s crazy behaviour.

Vent as often as you need to.

MY sincere condolences as well. I too watched my mother die slowly and painfully .. it is a very difficult time.

Cymek – Sounds like a shit time. That’s why you should read your e-mail and I will buy you the beers Droppy has offered.

Carmen_Sandiego said:

Cymek – Sounds like a shit time. That’s why you should read your e-mail and I will buy you the beers Droppy has offered.

Excellent plan :D

Oh Cymek! I’m very sorry to hear about your mum’s passing.

It’s perfectly OK to vent. There’s a lot happening around you and it’s good to vent it out here. I don’t know if you’ll be at work tomorrow but I’ll email you there anyway. Hugs, mate.

sorry to hear about your loss

I find it disturbing/worrying that this is your only venting place. Not that this isn’t ok, but that here is it. I’m feel for that.

if you need some time away email or call (if you still have the number)

My sympathies to Cymek & family at this sad time.

Cymek, sorry for your sad loss.
No cancer is good, but Pancreatic Ca is the worst, and you will do you, and your Mum no good by bottling your feelings up, this is one of the really good features of a forum such as this, you will get support and understanding here.

bob(from black rock) said:

Cymek, sorry for your sad loss.
No cancer is good, but Pancreatic Ca is the worst, and you will do you, and your Mum no good by bottling your feelings up, this is one of the really good features of a forum such as this, you will get support and understanding here.

I had this thought when my mother was enduring.. “what did she do .. to deserve to die in such agony?” mum was a staunch community member who founded the local police boys club and helped out wherever a teacher was required.. I couldn’t see what she had done as a person.. to deserve such suffering. Even thinking bout how she ate foods for most of her life I could see nothing that could have done to have caused such problems.. but by thinking such things through.. it did help me to gain some closure..

Sorry to hear about your Mum, cymek. It is a difficult time.

I believe that there is going to be a discussion on the radio tonight on Tony Delroy’s show, if it might be of some help. It will feature Dr Sarah Edelman talking about how to cope with the loss of a parent.