YOUR AGE BY EATING OUT

Don’t tell me your age; you probably would tell a falsehood anyway-but your waiter may know!

YOUR AGE BY DINER & RESTAURANT MATH

This is pretty neat

DON’T CHEAT BY SCROLLING DOWN FIRST!

It takes less than a minute. Work this out as you read ..

Be sure you don’t read the bottom until you’ve worked it out!

This is not one of those waste of time things, it’s fun.

1. First of all, pick the number of times a week that you would like to go out to eat.

(more than once but less than 10)

2. Multiply this number by 2 (just to be bold)

3. Add 5

4. Multiply it by 50

5. If you have already had your birthday this year add 1758
If you haven’t, add 1757.

6. Now subtract the four digit year that you were born.

You should have a three digit number

The first digit of this was your original number. (I.e., How many times you want to go out to restaurants in a week.)

The next two numbers are

YOUR AGE ! ——— (Oh YES, it is!)

THIS IS THE ONLY YEAR (2008) IT WILL EVER WORK, SO SPREAD IT AROUND WHILE IT LASTS !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Pass it on to all of your friends some of you may have got this via email from me.

THIS IS THE ONLY YEAR (2008) IT WILL EVER WORK, SO SPREAD IT AROUND WHILE IT LASTS !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
—-
amazing it worked.
721 !! LOL

pepe said:

THIS IS THE ONLY YEAR (2008) IT WILL EVER WORK, SO SPREAD IT AROUND WHILE IT LASTS !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
—-
amazing it worked.
721 !! LOL

pepe it said it worked didn’t it, first of all i thought to my self this is a load of Bull@#$#. then i done it and it worked.

lame math guess puzzle.

aquarium said:

lame math guess puzzle.

Kill joy. :P

bubba louie said:

aquarium said:

lame math guess puzzle.

Kill joy. :P

oh…ok….it was really impressive ;)

aquarium said:

bubba louie said:

aquarium said:

lame math guess puzzle.

Kill joy. :P

oh…ok….it was really impressive ;)

That’s better. Don’t you feel good now? LOL

I ended up with 930?

I should have got 237… this joke sucks…

I finally got to 237… who-ooh.

pain master said:

I finally got to 237… who-ooh.

You old soul, you…

Two men dressed in Pilots’ uniforms walk up the aisle of the plane. Both are wearing dark glasses, one is using a guide dog, and the other is tapping his way along the aisle with a cane. Nervous laughter spreads through the cabin, but the men enter the cockpit, the door closes, and the engines start up.
The passengers begin glancing nervously around, searching for some sign that this is just a little practical joke. None is forthcoming. The plane moves faster and faster down the runway and the people sitting in the window seats realize they’re heading straight for the water at the edge of the airport. As it begins to look as though the plane will plough into the water, panicked screams fill the cabin.
Just at that moment, the plane lifts smoothly into the air. The passengers relax and laugh a little sheepishly, and soon all retreat into their magazines, secure in the knowledge that the plane is in good hands.

………. In the cockpit, one of the blind pilots turns to the other and says, “You know, Bob – one of these days, they’re gonna scream too late and we’re all gonna die.”

………. In the cockpit, one of the blind pilots turns to the other and says, “You know, Bob – one of these days, they’re gonna scream too late and we’re all gonna die.”
—
i never picked it – very good.

bluegreen said:

Two men dressed in Pilots’ uniforms walk up the aisle of the plane. Both are wearing dark glasses, one is using a guide dog, and the other is tapping his way along the aisle with a cane. Nervous laughter spreads through the cabin, but the men enter the cockpit, the door closes, and the engines start up.
The passengers begin glancing nervously around, searching for some sign that this is just a little practical joke. None is forthcoming. The plane moves faster and faster down the runway and the people sitting in the window seats realize they’re heading straight for the water at the edge of the airport. As it begins to look as though the plane will plough into the water, panicked screams fill the cabin.
Just at that moment, the plane lifts smoothly into the air. The passengers relax and laugh a little sheepishly, and soon all retreat into their magazines, secure in the knowledge that the plane is in good hands.

………. In the cockpit, one of the blind pilots turns to the other and says, “You know, Bob – one of these days, they’re gonna scream too late and we’re all gonna die.”

Now that was funny BG. Thankyou.

Gosh! I made it. Blow me down. .

Thanks for the chuckle! :)

This posted elsewhere:

3 Women in a Sauna

_Three women, two younger, and one senior citizen, were sitting naked in a sauna.

Suddenly there was a beeping sound. The young woman pressed her forearm and the beep stopped. The others looked at her questioningly. “That was my pager.” she said. I have a microchip under the skin of my arm.

A few minutes later, a phone rang. The second young woman lifted her palm to her ear. When she finished, she explained, “That was my mobile phone. I have a microchip in my hand.

The older woman felt very low-tech. Not to be out done, she decided she had to do something just as impressive. She stepped out of the sauna and went to the bathroom.

She returned with a piece of toilet paper hanging from her rear end. The others raised their eyebrows and stared at her.

The older woman finally said……well, will you look at that…I’m getting a fax._

More from BYP OBT – getting a bit close to home :D _ I just remembered I
I cooked dinner and forgot to eat it…

An elderly couple had dinner at another couple’s house, and after
eating, the wives left the table and went into the kitchen.
The two gentlemen were talking, and one said, ‘Last night we went out
to a new restaurant and it was really great. I would recommend it very
highly.’
The other man said, ‘What is the name of the restaurant?’
The first man thought and thought and finally said, ‘What is the name
of that flower you give to someone you love?
You know… The one that’s red and has thorns.’
‘Do you mean a rose?’
‘Yes, that’s the one,’ replied the man. He then turned towards the
kitchen and yelled, ‘Rose, what’s the name of that restaurant we went
to last night?

A senior citizen said to his eighty-year old buddy:
‘So I hear you’re getting married?’
‘Yep!’
‘Do I know her?’
‘Nope!’
‘This woman, is she good looking?’
‘Not really.’
‘Is she a good cook?’
‘Naw, she can’t cook too well.’
‘Does she have lots of money?’
‘Nope! Poor as a church mouse.’
‘Well, then, is she good in bed?’
‘I don’t know.’
‘Why in the world do you want to marry her then ?’
‘Because she can still drive!’[

Oh that is absolute gold! Didn’t see it coming at all!!

A little old man shuffled slowly into an ice cream parlour and pulled
himself slowly, painfully, up onto a stool.. After catching his breath,
he ordered a banana split.
The waitress asked kindly, ‘Crushed nuts?’

‘No,’ he replied, ‘Arthritis.’

I meant the first one btw! The rose one!

Why do we love children?

1) NUDITY
I was driving with my three young children one warm summer evening when a woman in the convertible ahead of us stood up and waved. She was stark naked! As I was reeling from the shock, I heard my 5-year-old shout from the back seat, ‘Mom, that lady isn’t wearing a seat belt!’

2) OPINIONS
On the first day of school, a first-grader handed his teacher a note from his mother. The note read, ‘The opinions expressed by this child are not necessarily those of his parents.’

3) KETCHUP
A woman was trying hard to get the ketchup out of the jar. During her struggle the phone rang so she asked her 4-year-old daughter to answer the phone. ‘Mommy can’t come to the phone to talk to you right now. She’s hitting the bottle.’

4) MORE NUDITY
A little boy got lost at the YMCA and found himself in the women’s locker room. When he was spotted, the room burst into shrieks, with ladies grabbing towels and running for cover. The little boy watched in amazement and then asked, ‘What’s the matter, haven’t you ever seen a little boy before?’

5) POLICE # 1
While taking a routine vandalism report at an elementary school, I was interrupted by a little girl about 6 years old. Looking up and down at my uniform, she asked, ‘Are you a cop? Yes,’ I answered and continued writing the report. My mother said if I ever needed help I should ask the police. Is that right?’ ‘Yes, that’s right,’ I told her. ‘Well, then,’ she said as she extended her foot toward me, ‘would you please tie my shoe?’

6) POLICE # 2
It was the end of the day when I parked my police van in front of the station. As I gathered my equipment, my K-9 partner, Jake, was barking, and I saw a little boy staring in at me. ‘Is that a dog you got back there?’ he asked.
‘It sure is,’ I replied.
Puzzled, the boy looked at me and then towards the back of the van. Finally he said, ‘What’d he do?’

7) ELDERLY
While working for an organization that delivers lunches to elderly shut-ins, I used to take my 4-year-old daughter on my afternoon rounds. She was unfailingly intrigued by the various appliances of old age, particularly the canes, walkers and wheelchairs. One day I found her staring at a pair of false teeth soaking in a glass. As I braced myself for the inevitable barrage of questions, she merely turned and whispered, ‘The tooth fairy will never believe this!’

< DRESS-UP
A little girl was watching her parents dress for a party. When she saw her dad donning his tuxedo, she warned, ‘Daddy, you shouldn’t wear that suit.’
‘And why not, darling?’
‘You know that it always gives you a headache the next morning.’

9) DEATH
While walking along the sidewalk in front of his church, our minister heard the intoning of a prayer that nearly made his collar wilt. Apparently, his 5-year-old son and his playmates had found a dead robin. Feeling that proper burial should be performed, they had secured a small box and cotton batting, then dug a hole and made ready for the disposal of the deceased.
The minister’s son was chosen to say the appropriate prayers and with sonorous dignity intoned his version of what he thought his father always said: ‘Glory be unto the Faaather, and unto the Sonnn, and into the hole he goooes.’ (I want this line used at my funeral!)

10) SCHOOL
A little girl had just finished her first week of school. ‘I’m just wasting my time,’ she said to her mother. ‘I can’t read, I can’t write, and they won’t let me talk!’

11) BIBLE
A little boy opened the big family Bible. He was fascinated as he fingered through the old pages. Suddenly, something fell out of the Bible. He picked up the object and looked at it. What he saw was an old leaf that had been pressed in between the pages.
‘Mama, look what I found,’ the boy called out.
‘What have you got there, dear?’
With astonishment in the young boy’s voice, he answered, ‘I think it’s Adam’s underwear!’

lol bg thats a good one.

gooduns
i drove my daughter home today – and her pets came with us in a cardboard box. i was amazed to find she had secured a seat belt around the box in the backseat.

pepe said:

gooduns
i drove my daughter home today – and her pets came with us in a cardboard box. i was amazed to find she had secured a seat belt around the box in the backseat.

I do that too…

bluegreen said:

Why do we love children?

1) NUDITY
I was driving with my three young children one warm summer evening when a woman in the convertible ahead of us stood up and waved. She was stark naked! As I was reeling from the shock, I heard my 5-year-old shout from the back seat, ‘Mom, that lady isn’t wearing a seat belt!’

2) OPINIONS
On the first day of school, a first-grader handed his teacher a note from his mother. The note read, ‘The opinions expressed by this child are not necessarily those of his parents.’

3) KETCHUP
A woman was trying hard to get the ketchup out of the jar. During her struggle the phone rang so she asked her 4-year-old daughter to answer the phone. ‘Mommy can’t come to the phone to talk to you right now. She’s hitting the bottle.’

4) MORE NUDITY
A little boy got lost at the YMCA and found himself in the women’s locker room. When he was spotted, the room burst into shrieks, with ladies grabbing towels and running for cover. The little boy watched in amazement and then asked, ‘What’s the matter, haven’t you ever seen a little boy before?’

5) POLICE # 1
While taking a routine vandalism report at an elementary school, I was interrupted by a little girl about 6 years old. Looking up and down at my uniform, she asked, ‘Are you a cop? Yes,’ I answered and continued writing the report. My mother said if I ever needed help I should ask the police. Is that right?’ ‘Yes, that’s right,’ I told her. ‘Well, then,’ she said as she extended her foot toward me, ‘would you please tie my shoe?’

6) POLICE # 2
It was the end of the day when I parked my police van in front of the station. As I gathered my equipment, my K-9 partner, Jake, was barking, and I saw a little boy staring in at me. ‘Is that a dog you got back there?’ he asked.
‘It sure is,’ I replied.
Puzzled, the boy looked at me and then towards the back of the van. Finally he said, ‘What’d he do?’

7) ELDERLY
While working for an organization that delivers lunches to elderly shut-ins, I used to take my 4-year-old daughter on my afternoon rounds. She was unfailingly intrigued by the various appliances of old age, particularly the canes, walkers and wheelchairs. One day I found her staring at a pair of false teeth soaking in a glass. As I braced myself for the inevitable barrage of questions, she merely turned and whispered, ‘The tooth fairy will never believe this!’

< DRESS-UP
A little girl was watching her parents dress for a party. When she saw her dad donning his tuxedo, she warned, ‘Daddy, you shouldn’t wear that suit.’
‘And why not, darling?’
‘You know that it always gives you a headache the next morning.’

9) DEATH
While walking along the sidewalk in front of his church, our minister heard the intoning of a prayer that nearly made his collar wilt. Apparently, his 5-year-old son and his playmates had found a dead robin. Feeling that proper burial should be performed, they had secured a small box and cotton batting, then dug a hole and made ready for the disposal of the deceased.
The minister’s son was chosen to say the appropriate prayers and with sonorous dignity intoned his version of what he thought his father always said: ‘Glory be unto the Faaather, and unto the Sonnn, and into the hole he goooes.’ (I want this line used at my funeral!)

10) SCHOOL
A little girl had just finished her first week of school. ‘I’m just wasting my time,’ she said to her mother. ‘I can’t read, I can’t write, and they won’t let me talk!’

11) BIBLE
A little boy opened the big family Bible. He was fascinated as he fingered through the old pages. Suddenly, something fell out of the Bible. He picked up the object and looked at it. What he saw was an old leaf that had been pressed in between the pages.
‘Mama, look what I found,’ the boy called out.
‘What have you got there, dear?’
With astonishment in the young boy’s voice, he answered, ‘I think it’s Adam’s underwear!’

They were good. Thanks BG.

Two guys, one old timer and one young, are pushing their carts around Bunning’s when they collide.

The old timer says to the young guy, ‘Sorry about that. I’m looking for my wife, and I guess I wasn’t paying attention to where I was going.

‘The young guy says, ‘That’s OK. It’s a coincidence. I’m looking for my wife, too. I can’t find her and I’m getting a little desperate.’

The old guy says, ‘Well, maybe we can help each other. What does your wife look like?’

The young guy says, ‘Well, she is 24 yrs old, tall, with blonde hair, big blue eyes, long legs, big boobs, and she’s wearing tight white shorts, a halter top and no bra. What does your wife look like?’

The old timer says…. . ‘Doesn’t matter —- let’s look for Yours.’

Old timers are helpful like that!

Old timers are helpful like that!
——————————
..not to mention smart and helpful….and they never stop dreaming LOL.

Good morning……….. waiting for our fridge to be delivered:D

5 degrees here this morning…. lurvly:)

Bimbo loved her dead president she was given this morning……. said she doesn’t want to spend it as it looks so good:) Takes after her mum:D

Q….. Why do women wear white when they get married????????

A……… To match the kitchen appliances:D

Oh I do love that joke….so sexist:D

Apples and Wine

Women are like apples on trees. The best ones are at the top of the tree. Most men don’t want to reach for the good ones because they are afraid of falling and getting hurt. Instead, they sometimes take the apples from the ground that aren’t as good, but easy. The apples at the top think something is wrong with them, when in reality, they’re amazing. The just have to wait for the right man to come along, the one who is brave enough to climb all the way to the top of the tree.

Now men… men are like a fine wine. They begin as grapes, and it’s up to women to stomp the shit out of them until they turn into something acceptable to have dinner with.

Apples and Wine
~~~~~~~~~~~~

Good one, BG! Oh how true :D

Apples and Wine

Women are like apples on trees. The best ones are at the top of the tree. Most men don’t want to reach for the good ones because they are afraid of falling and getting hurt. Instead, they sometimes take the apples from the ground that aren’t as good, but easy. The apples at the top think something is wrong with them, when in reality, they’re amazing. The just have to wait for the right man to come along, the one who is brave enough to climb all the way to the top of the tree.

Now men… men are like a fine wine. They begin as grapes, and it’s up to women to stomp the shit out of them until they turn into something acceptable to have dinner with.

===========

NOW I understand why I don’t mind cider……