James Bond Likely To Die An Early Death Of Alcoholism, Study Finds

In the ever-wacky Christmas issue of the journal BMJ, three British scientists have studied James Bond’s drinking habits and come to the conclusion that Bond was indeed a raging alcoholic. The study authors went right to the source, perusing 14 of the Sir Ian Fleming novels, and tracking Bond’s alcohol consumption over time. They suggest that the reason he liked his martinis “shaken, not stirred” may have been because of the alcoholic tremor he would have had from drinking a whopping 92 units of alcohol per week – four times the recommended limit in Britain. They say with this level of blood alcohol it would be awfully hard to be a successful spy, let alone a successful womanizer.

“The level of functioning as displayed in the books is inconsistent with the physical, mental, and indeed sexual functioning expected from someone drinking this much alcohol,” they write. “We advise an immediate referral for further assessment and treatment.”

The team adds that Bond’s drinking would have led some serious long-term ramifications since it puts him into the level-3 category, “the highest risk group for malignancies, depression, hypertension, and cirrhosis. He is also at high risk of suffering from sexual dysfunction, which would considerably affect his womanising.” They give him a life expectancy of just 56 years.

“Although we appreciate the societal pressures to consume alcohol when working with international terrorists and high stakes gamblers,” they conclude, “we would advise Bond be referred for further assessment of his alcohol intake and reduce his intake to safe levels. We conclude that James Bond was unlikely to be able to stir his drinks, even if he would have wanted to, because of likely alcohol induced tremor.”

http://www.forbes.com/sites/alicegwalton/2013/12/13/scientists-show-james-bonds-alcoholism-in-one-beautiful-infographic/

Well he did all right for a pisshead. He has saved the western world several times. Must have been one of those high functioning ones.

The Saint was the same, guzzling neat spirits without showing any effect.

Bubblecar said:

The Saint was the same, guzzling neat spirits without showing any effect.

water or weak tea in a glass.

roughbarked said:

Bubblecar said:

The Saint was the same, guzzling neat spirits without showing any effect.

water or weak tea in a glass.

No it was all the best stuff, vintage cognac, finest scotch, classic cocktails etc.

With a VB being 1.4 standard drinks I figure that to be about 9 beers a day? Is that right?

That probably is a bit much for a daily consumption but then again being a debonair man about town and quaffing a champers with strawberries with Ms Honey Snatch at 10m in the morning he and retiring near midnight after a night at the casino never got over point 05.

Just noticed I misspelt alcoholic in the thread title.

Having said that my consumption is about 9 units, I had a scan my last hospital stay and all good and my regular blood checks include a LFT. My consumption is three beers starting at three with Judge Judy, takes me through to six, then I drink roman wine and a final scotch before retiring bit not always.

>With a VB being 1.4 standard drinks I figure that to be about 9 beers a day? Is that right?

It’s just over 13 standard drinks a day, or over half a bottle of spirits or about 1.6 bottles strong red wine. So it’s excessive, but not all that much really. And bear in mind that British units (standard drinks) are actually than Australian ones:

One unit of alcohol is defined as 10 millilitres (7.9 grams) in the United Kingdom, and as 12.7 millilitres (10 grams) in Australia. In both countries, a so-called standard drink contains one unit of alcohol (according to the country’s own definition). The definition of a “standard drink” varies significantly in other countries.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Unit_of_alcohol

are actually than Australian ones = smaller

Bubblecar said:

>It’s just over 13 standard drinks a day, or over half a bottle of spirits or about 1.6 bottles strong red wine.

Nahhh, no way half a bottle of spirits equals even 2 bottles of strong red wine.

>Nahhh, no way half a bottle of spirits equals even 2 bottles of strong red wine.

Standard 700ml spirits at around 40% = about standard 22 drinks. 13 drinks is obviously more than half, as I said.

Standard bottle shiraz at 13.5% = 8 standard drinks. 13 drinks = 1 and just over a half bottles, as I said.

Bubblecar said:

>Nahhh, no way half a bottle of spirits equals even 2 bottles of strong red wine.

Standard 700ml spirits at around 40% = about standard 22 drinks. 13 drinks is obviously more than half, as I said.

Standard bottle shiraz at 13.5% = 8 standard drinks. 13 drinks = 1 and just over a half bottles, as I said.

Cant argue the figures, but I cant help feeling an aspect is missing.

What’s the problem?

>>They say with this level of blood alcohol it would be awfully hard to be a successful spy, let alone a successful womanizer.

Poor old Jimbo
Too pissed for his bimbo
He slid to the floor
As she stood there akimbo.

Skunkworks said:

Bubblecar said:

>Nahhh, no way half a bottle of spirits equals even 2 bottles of strong red wine.

Standard 700ml spirits at around 40% = about standard 22 drinks. 13 drinks is obviously more than half, as I said.

Standard bottle shiraz at 13.5% = 8 standard drinks. 13 drinks = 1 and just over a half bottles, as I said.

Cant argue the figures, but I cant help feeling an aspect is missing.

The length of time you take to drop it down your throat. Fill any standard wine glass with Glenfiddich and drink it down down down. Then do it again. What was it? nine VB’s/day? Then coming in at 1.7 drinks that’s only That’s just a tad over five Coopers sparkling ales.

Skunkworks said:

With a VB being 1.4 standard drinks I figure that to be about 9 beers a day? Is that right?

That probably is a bit much for a daily consumption but then again being a debonair man about town and quaffing a champers with strawberries with Ms Honey Snatch at 10m in the morning he and retiring near midnight after a night at the casino never got over point 05.

Irony much?

;)

Michael V said:

Skunkworks said:

With a VB being 1.4 standard drinks I figure that to be about 9 beers a day? Is that right?

That probably is a bit much for a daily consumption but then again being a debonair man about town and quaffing a champers with strawberries with Ms Honey Snatch at 10m in the morning he and retiring near midnight after a night at the casino never got over point 05.

Irony much?

;)

Whoops. Quoted incorrect post. Sorry Skunkworks.

Bubblecar said:

Just noticed I misspelt alcoholic in the thread title.

Irony much?

Skunkworks said:

Having said that my consumption is about 9 units, I had a scan my last hospital stay and all good and my regular blood checks include a LFT. My consumption is three beers starting at three with Judge Judy, takes me through to six, then I drink roman wine and a final scotch before retiring bit not always.

Even though I grew up in a household where my father and my mother would drink a couple of drinks each night I’ve never really taken to drinking at home on a day-to-day basis.

For us drinking is a much more social thing, but having said that my wife’s family have a very warped view when it comes to drinking (that has been alcoholism in the family)

Bubblecar said:

Just noticed I misspelt alcoholic in the thread title.

Were you Adrian Quist when you posted?

Never eat with your meals, and never eat on an empty stomach, and you will be OK.

>The length of time you take to drop it down your throat.

Yes, drinking spirits at the same pace as wine or beer will get you pleasantly mellow remarkably quickly. It’s probably this effect that’s skewing Skunky’s figures :)

the life of a double-o agent is short and brutal.. they don’t live long enough to die from cirrhosis..

Dropbear said:

the life of a double-o agent is short and brutal.. they don’t live long enough to die from cirrhosis..

Bond has lived long enough to spawn umpteen paperbacks and movies. And is now 60, defying the BMJ prediction.

Bubblecar said:

Dropbear said:

the life of a double-o agent is short and brutal.. they don’t live long enough to die from cirrhosis..

Bond has lived long enough to spawn umpteen paperbacks and movies. And is now 60, defying the BMJ prediction.

“James Bond” is a pseudonym, filled by many many people over the history of MI-6 :)

(none of which died of cirrhosis)

(thats how I see it, anyway)

Surely he can just regenerate like the Doctor.

Bubblecar said:

Surely he can just regenerate like the Doctor.

He takes the liver of other agents he has killed, that’s a new one every few days.

Bubblecar said:

Surely he can just regenerate like the Doctor.

But instead of a Tardis he used Ian Fleming.

Dropbear said:

“James Bond” is a pseudonym, filled by many many people over the history of MI-6 :)

None of whom have ever had expense accounts anything like Bond’s :)

Bubblecar said:

Surely he can just regenerate like the Doctor.

The biggest secret is that Bond is a clone super soldier. They don’t tell you about his failed missions……

Me, I never liked the chap. But I am partial to a bit of Saint (who rarely kills anyone).

Tamb said:

Bubblecar said:

Surely he can just regenerate like the Doctor.

But instead of a Tardis he used Ian Fleming.

It’s worse than that … since Fleming died, they use current authors to write Bond novels.

pommiejohn said:

Tamb said:

Bubblecar said:

Surely he can just regenerate like the Doctor.

But instead of a Tardis he used Ian Fleming.

It’s worse than that … since Fleming died, they use current authors to write Bond novels.

that’s what you get when you create formula.

Bubblecar said:

Surely he can just regenerate like the Doctor.

;)

it makes more sense than M being his mother, as was strongly implied in Skyfall.

I actually quite like the idea of “James Bond” being the position, not the person ;)

Arts said:

pommiejohn said:

Tamb said:

But instead of a Tardis he used Ian Fleming.

It’s worse than that … since Fleming died, they use current authors to write Bond novels.

that’s what you get when you create formula.

I thought that was Dr Jekyll.

Dropbear said:

I actually quite like the idea of “James Bond” being the position, not the person ;)

Well that kind of is the inference…

diddly-squat said:

Dropbear said:

I actually quite like the idea of “James Bond” being the position, not the person ;)

Well that kind of is the inference…

yeh you can only reboot a franchise so many times before it starts becoming farcical.

diddly-squat said:

Dropbear said:

I actually quite like the idea of “James Bond” being the position, not the person ;)

Well that kind of is the inference…

Maybe James Bond is The Phantom’s day job.

Dropbear said:

Bubblecar said:

Surely he can just regenerate like the Doctor.

;)

it makes more sense than M being his mother, as was strongly implied in Skyfall.

I actually quite like the idea of “James Bond” being the position, not the person ;)

M is his gene donor. Her past involves being the first enhanced superspy during the war era.

Dropbear said:

diddly-squat said:

Dropbear said:

I actually quite like the idea of “James Bond” being the position, not the person ;)

Well that kind of is the inference…

yeh you can only reboot a franchise so many times before it starts becoming farcical.

It became farcical in the Roger Moore period IMO, but I thought it did a good rebrand with Craig.

Dropbear said:

diddly-squat said:

Dropbear said:

I actually quite like the idea of “James Bond” being the position, not the person ;)

Well that kind of is the inference…

yeh you can only reboot a franchise so many times before it starts becoming farcical.

I also think that largely that even though there is a small element of common plot between the new films, most of the movies can quite easily be viewed in isolation (which helps support the idea of a common “role”, as opposed to a common “person”)

They happily re-use the number so why not the name as well..

Also way too many of the ‘villains’ tend to know his name ;)…. the worst kept secret in secret agents