A midget walks up to a georgeous chick and says, “What would you say to a little fuck?”

She looks at him and says,“Hello you little fuck”

Hmmmm

That’s what happened to Friday Funnies.

Friday Funnies was briefly popular in the late 1990s and through the 2000s, with weekly appearances on a popular forum.

That venue closed, and its content was migrated to another site. Friday Funnies seemed unable to make the transition to the new site, and fell victim to a form of depression. Unable to cope, FF took to over-using alcohol in conjunction with both prescribed and non-prescribed medication.

After a particularly traumatic stage, during which FF was tasered and arrested (sans shirt, of course) by the police, a course of remedial therapy seemed to produce benefits for FF..

FF was last heard of in SE Asia, doing volunteer work among flood victims for a popular charity.

Plus DV’s FF workshops were poorly attended.

A drunk was driving his car down a one-way street when a policeman stopped him. The cop said, ‘Didn’t you see the arrows?’ He said, ‘Arrows? I didn’t even see the Indians.

Yeah, I miss FF, and guess what? today is Friday! so go for it!

bob(from black rock) said:

Yeah, I miss FF, and guess what? today is Friday! so go for it!

OK, you asked for it

Subject: Oscar Pistorious Jokes….Doesn’t take long !!!

His lawyers got a hard job ahead of him. Realistically, it looks like Pistorius hasnt got a leg to stand on.

Oscar clearly misunderstood when his girlfriend told him that on Valentines Day he had to take her out.

Oscar Pistorius is pleading not guilty due to temporary diminished responsibility. He claims he was legless at the time of the incident.

Whatever happens in court, he still has a career. The SAOC say hes a front runner at the next Olympics for pistol shooting.

Police reconstruction indicates that Pistorius lost it when, for his Valentines Day gift, his girlfriend gave him a pair of socks.

New Valentines Day card: Roses are red, violets are glorious. Never creep up On Oscar Pistorius.

Too many Oscar Pistorius jokes already. Trying to come up with a new one is like taking a shot in the dark.

Looks like he has an expensive lawyer. I hope he can foot the bill.

Otherwise, the Oscar goes toJail !!

New evidence has been found outside the Pistorius home that completely acquits him of his girlfriends murder. Footprints!

She didnt notice Oscar sneaking up behind her. It was the silence of the limbs.

I see what Pistorius is doing. He is going to jail for 25 years and when he gets released Bam! President of South Africa. Thats how it works over there, right?

When Oscar Pistorius said he wanted to be just like able-bodied athletes, who knew he meant OJ Simpson?

First Tiger Woods, then Lance Armstrong, and now Oscar Pistorius. I think Nike should start telling their athletes Just Dont Do It.

Hollywood are doing his life story; its now going to be called Blade Gunner.

If found guilty hes gonna have to take it on the shin.

And finally,

Anyone making jokes about Oscar Pistorius is just prosthetic

Whatever happened to friday funnies?
————————————————————-

They attempted to win the 2014 hide and seek championship ring.

But it looks like they will lose to Malaysian Airlines.

How’s the weather in Perth?

Carmen_Sandiego said:

How’s the weather in Perth?

Fuck me, Bubbles must be sweltering.

Carmen_Sandiego said:

How’s the weather in Perth?

I didn’t feel a thing, just enjoying the milder weather :)

Carmen_Sandiego said:

How’s the weather in Perth?

Wrong Perth.

8-/

Carmen_Sandiego said:

Eggslant!!!

I must be one of those interlecturals.

I liked No. 8.

Divine Angel said:

I meant No.3.

I didn’t think No. 8 was that funny.

The Rev Dodgson said:

I must be one of those interlecturals.

I liked No. 8.

Divine Angel said:

I don’t get 11 or 12.

But laughed aloud at 2 and 14 :)

The Rev Dodgson said:

I meant No.3.

:D

11:
un ionized or union-ized

Divine Angel said:

11:
un ionized or union-ized

slaps forehead

Like “Coax”.

12. Base 10 (Dec) for 25 is equal to base 8 (Oct) for 31

and 12 is bases. hexadecimal and decimal, i believe.

the reason we no longer have a friday funnies is that we used up all the good jokes on the internet and didn’t want to debase the dream by telling second rate jokes.

Witty Rejoinder said:

12. Base 10 (Dec) for 25 is equal to base 8 (Oct) for 31

Oh, how we laughed.

Divine Angel said:

11:
un ionized or union-ized

ChrispenEvan said:

the reason we no longer have a friday funnies is that we used up all the good jokes on the internet and didn’t want to debase the dream by telling second rate jokes.

They were the good jokes?

for the capt…

;-)

Most jokes on the internet are about cats.

or malcolm…

ChrispenEvan said:

or malcolm…

He looks suitably embarrassed and tragic in that snap. Mind you, he can’t blame anyone else. No-one’s forcing him to be a coalition politician, and the fact that he’s content in that role is reason enough to suspect his motives.

I got rather too many of those jokes. A couple were a bit pathetic. But I loved the Pavlov one (14)

I wasn’t sure if I got them and they just weren’t funny, or I didn’t really understand them in the first place :)

There’s some good ones there, DA……..!

.
.
.

Divine Angel said:

I quite liked No.9

Bubblecar said:

I quite liked No.9

• chuckle

…quirky

)

Bubblecar said:

ChrispenEvan said:

or malcolm…

He looks suitably embarrassed and tragic in that snap. Mind you, he can’t blame anyone else. No-one’s forcing him to be a coalition politician, and the fact that he’s content in that role is reason enough to suspect his motives.

Malcolm didn’t always want to be in the L/NP.

As a good pal of Paul Keating, he initially tried to get pre-selection for a safe Labor seat.

It was only after the party said that they would, under no circumstances, have Mal in it that he ran sobbing to the L/NP.

Even then, there was considerable dudgeon in his blue-ribbon L/NP seat of Wentworth. They really didn’t want him foisted on them at first, and he had to work very hard to ingratiate himself with the local L/NP bigwigs.

captain_spalding said:

As a good pal of Paul Keating, he initially tried to get pre-selection for a safe Labor seat.

It was only after the party said that they would, under no circumstances, have Mal in it that he ran sobbing to the L/NP.

This sounds like one of Wookie’s stories. Have you got a reference?

Bubblecar said:

I quite liked No.9

19. here.

Witty Rejoinder said:

captain_spalding said:

As a good pal of Paul Keating, he initially tried to get pre-selection for a safe Labor seat.

It was only after the party said that they would, under no circumstances, have Mal in it that he ran sobbing to the L/NP.

This sounds like one of Wookie’s stories. Have you got a reference?

Probably. The real question is, can i be arsed to find it?

I speak from memory of events before and around MT’s entrance into politics. I think Mungo MaCallum was a source of such info.

captain_spalding said:

Probably. The real question is, can i be arsed to find it?

I speak from memory of events before and around MT’s entrance into politics. I think Mungo MaCallum was a source of such info.

That will do. :-)

Divine Angel said:

11:
un ionized or union-ized

So there we have it.

Documentary evidence that the person formally known as Little Girly Brain has at some stage morphed into a fully accredited Intellectual :)

I was quite impressed when Mal got himself thrown out of the LNP leadership by sticking to his guns on climate change, but I’m afraid it’s been downhill ever since.

The Rev Dodgson said:

I was quite impressed when Mal got himself thrown out of the LNP leadership by sticking to his guns on climate change, but I’m afraid it’s been downhill ever since.

Don’t write him off just yet.

I remember MT from when we were both Sea Cadets, way back in the early 70s. He was quite devious, power-hungry little bugger, even then. I’ve watched him ever since

I’m not saying that he’s all bad. While his guiding philosophy is overwhelmingly to do what’s good for Malcolm (and, let’s face it, he’s a multi-millionaire, and i’m not, so it’s served him well), he’s got a stubborn streak of ‘good’ in him, too e.g. the climate policy.

He knows that real power comes to those who can play the long game. Tony Abbott has been guided into that by the Melbourne Club, John Howard, and Peter Reith (without whom he would have disappeared long ago), but Malcolm knows it by instinct.

He’ll be there to pick up the flag when Abbott drops it.

• I was quite impressed when Mal got himself thrown out of the LNP leadership by sticking to his guns on climate change, but I’m afraid it’s been downhill ever since

The “move house for better internet” thing is a particular low point…

Arfur Sinodinos walks into a bar, says, “Whatever happened to friday funnies?”

Ian said:

Arfur Sinodinos walks into a bar, says, “Whatever happened to friday funnies?”

“And a VAT on the slate, please, Dave”.

The Rev Dodgson said:

I was quite impressed when Mal got himself thrown out of the LNP leadership by sticking to his guns on climate change, but I’m afraid it’s been downhill ever since.

Pretty much…

He’s been given a shit sandwich to sell though..

Hi bear

Dropbear said:

He’s been given a shit sandwich to sell though..

I’m a bit worried that he might think he’s ‘earning his stripes’, banking up brownie points etc. with his current role, and its onerous tasks.

I wouldn’t have thought he was that naive. Surely he knows the ruthlessness of the L/NP?

Bubblecar said:

Most jokes on the internet are about cats.

that’s because all the dog people are outside with their dogs.

gaghalfrunt said:

A midget walks up to a georgeous chick and says, “What would you say to a little fuck?”

She looks at him and says,“Hello you little fuck”

This was said to have happened to sci-fi writer Harlan Ellison (who stands at about 5 ft 4 inches)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=slp5jnthcrk

This I found to be hilarious.

Engineering jokes:

The Sydney Opera House
The Sydney Harbour Bridge
Bolte Bridge, Melbourne
Tower Bridge, London
The leaning Tower of Pisa
Venice
The Pyramids
Mexico City
Naples

Interestingly, the Sydney Harbour Bridge, Bolte Bridge and Tower Bridge are all jokes for the same reason. For the Bolte Bridge the joke is deliberate, look here and see if you can figure out what the joke is:

Non-functional towers?

As I understand it, the towers are there to hold up the flashing lights that warn aircraft that the towers are there.

Wocky said:

As I understand it, the towers are there to hold up the flashing lights that warn aircraft that the towers are there.

Better safe than sorry.

Bubblecar said:

Wocky said:

As I understand it, the towers are there to hold up the flashing lights that warn aircraft that the towers are there.

Better safe than sorry.

A suspension bridge done on the cheap.

I think the most likely reason for the demise of the FF is that there isn’t anything funny left to say that isn’t a repost or a dick/fart joke…

There will soon be a spate of Flight 370 jokes.

the really funny ones were few and far between anyway…

If WWI was a barfight

Germany, Austria and Italy are standing together in the middle of a pub when Serbia bumps into Austria and spills Austria’s pint.

Austria demands Serbia buy it a whole new suit because of the new beer stains on its trouser leg.

Germany expresses its support for Austria’s point of view.

Britain recommends that everyone calm down a bit.

Serbia points out that it can’t afford a whole suit, but offers to pay for the cleaning of Austria’s trousers.

Russia and Serbia look at Austria.

Austria asks Serbia who it’s looking at.

Russia suggests that Austria should leave its little brother alone.

Austria inquires as to whose army will assist Russia in doing so.

Germany appeals to Britain that France has been looking at it, and that its sufficiently out of order that Britain not intervene.

Britain replies that France can look at who it wants to, that Britain is looking at Germany too, and what is Germany going to do about it?

Germany tells Russia to stop looking at Austria, or Germany will render Russia incapable of such action anymore.

Britain and France ask Germany whether it’s looking at Belgium.

Turkey and Germany go off into a corner and whisper. When they come back, Turkey makes a show of not looking at anyone.

Germany rolls up its sleeves, looks at France, and punches Belgium.

France and Britain punch Germany. Austria punches Russia. Germany punches Britain and France with one hand and Russia with the other.

Russia throws a punch at Germany, but misses and nearly falls over. Japan calls over from the other side of the room that it’s on Britain’s side, but stays there. Italy surprises everyone by punching Austria.

Australia punches Turkey, and gets punched back. There are no hard feelings because Britain made Australia do it.

France gets thrown through a plate glass window, but gets back up and carries on fighting. Russia gets thrown through another one, gets knocked out, suffers brain damage, and wakes up with a complete personality change.

Italy throws a punch at Austria and misses, but Austria falls over anyway. Italy raises both fists in the air and runs round the room chanting.

America waits till Germany is about to fall over from sustained punching from Britain and France, then walks over and smashes it with a barstool, then pretends it won the fight all by itself.

By now all the chairs are broken and the big mirror over the bar is shattered. Britain, France and America agree that Germany threw the first punch, so the whole thing is Germany’s fault . While Germany is still unconscious, they go through its pockets, steal its wallet, and buy drinks for all their friends.

Why does a chicken coop have only two doors?

Because if it had four, it would be a chicken sedan

Arts said:

Why does a chicken coop have only two doors?

Because if it had four, it would be a chicken sedan

Hmmmn.

.. sorry, but no.

next joke please

not funny or it confuses you?

Arts said:

not funny or it confuses you?

Plead the first amendment P_P, or you answer may incinerate you…

Arts said:

not funny or it confuses you?

Both. As a joke it is a joke.

Arts said:

not funny or it confuses you?

I always pronounced the 2 door car model as coo-PAY rather than coup.

party_pants said:

Arts said:

not funny or it confuses you?

I always pronounced the 2 door car model as coo-PAY rather than coup.

ahh… well my guess is that the joke is American.

as for not being funny.. then it’s exactly where it should be

whoever invented knock knock jokes should get a no bell prize…

Arts said:

whoever invented knock knock jokes should get a no bell prize…

Dear oh dear…

i hadn’t heard it before arts so it was new if nothing else. but i’m pretty particular as far as humour goes.

why can’t you hear a pterodactyl going to the bathroom

because the p is silent

My sister and BiL built a chicken pen a few months back. The bought and fitted a solar powered door with electronic timer – to automatically let the chickens out in the morning.

Arts said:

why can’t you hear a pterodactyl going to the bathroom

because the p is silent

getting slightly better but they are still the sort of jokes my kids would roll their eyes at.

Arts said:

why can’t you hear a pterodactyl going to the bathroom

because the p is silent

better

Boris said:

i hadn’t heard it before arts so it was new if nothing else. but i’m pretty particular as far as humour goes.

these are jokes in a ‘joke book’ given.. each joke is credited.

by jimmy, age 5

by Marsha, age 7

etc it’s comedy gold… the kids love it.. but they haven;t experienced nearly as much life as you lot have.

party_pants said:

My sister and BiL built a chicken pen a few months back. The bought and fitted a solar powered door with electronic timer – to automatically let the chickens out in the morning.

What? No storage batteries?

roughbarked said:

Arts said:

why can’t you hear a pterodactyl going to the bathroom

because the p is silent

getting slightly better but they are still the sort of jokes my kids would roll their eyes at.

For once I’m agreeing with roughy.

what’s a bagel that can fly?

a plane bagel

roughbarked said:

party_pants said:

My sister and BiL built a chicken pen a few months back. The bought and fitted a solar powered door with electronic timer – to automatically let the chickens out in the morning.

What? No storage batteries?

Yeah, it is battery powered. The solar panels keep the battery topped up.

sibeen said:

roughbarked said:

Arts said:

why can’t you hear a pterodactyl going to the bathroom

because the p is silent

getting slightly better but they are still the sort of jokes my kids would roll their eyes at.

For once I’m agreeing with roughy.

See. It doesn’t hurt that much. Should try it more often. ;)

A magic tractor drives down the road and turns into a field.

there are two fish in a tank. One turns to the other and says, “Do you know how to drive this thing?” (I quite like that one)

party_pants said:

roughbarked said:

party_pants said:

My sister and BiL built a chicken pen a few months back. The bought and fitted a solar powered door with electronic timer – to automatically let the chickens out in the morning.

What? No storage batteries?

Yeah, it is battery powered. The solar panels keep the battery topped up.

I thought battery hen pens were frowned upon these days.

party_pants said:

roughbarked said:

party_pants said:

My sister and BiL built a chicken pen a few months back. The bought and fitted a solar powered door with electronic timer – to automatically let the chickens out in the morning.

What? No storage batteries?

Yeah, it is battery powered. The solar panels keep the battery topped up.

considering that it does most of it’s work when the sun is missing, yeah.

Stealth said:

party_pants said:

roughbarked said:

What? No storage batteries?

Yeah, it is battery powered. The solar panels keep the battery topped up.

I thought battery hen pens were frowned upon these days.

golf clap

Arts said:

A magic tractor drives down the road and turns into a field.

there are two fish in a tank. One turns to the other and says, “Do you know how to drive this thing?” (I quite like that one)

the magic tractor one is for the deep thinkers?

Stealth said:

party_pants said:

roughbarked said:

What? No storage batteries?

Yeah, it is battery powered. The solar panels keep the battery topped up.

I thought battery hen pens were frowned upon these days.

I f you knew that battery hens were charging these days you’d be frowning too.

The man told his doctor that he wasn’t able to do all the things around the house that he used to do. When the examination was complete, he said, “Now, Doc, I can take it. Tell me in plain English what is wrong with me.”

“Well, in plain English,” the doctor replied, “you’re just lazy.” “Okay,” said the man. “Now give me the medical term so I can tell my wife.”

party_pants said:

Stealth said:

party_pants said:

Yeah, it is battery powered. The solar panels keep the battery topped up.

I thought battery hen pens were frowned upon these days.

I f you knew that battery hens were charging these days you’d be frowning too.

what

sibeen said:

Stealth said:

party_pants said:

Yeah, it is battery powered. The solar panels keep the battery topped up.

I thought battery hen pens were frowned upon these days.

golf clap

They are only bad if Baiada owns them.

Boris said:

The man told his doctor that he wasn’t able to do all the things around the house that he used to do. When the examination was complete, he said, “Now, Doc, I can take it. Tell me in plain English what is wrong with me.”

“Well, in plain English,” the doctor replied, “you’re just lazy.” “Okay,” said the man. “Now give me the medical term so I can tell my wife.”

I like that :)

Q: Whatever happened to friday funnies?

A: The age of entitlement is over

roughbarked said:

Arts said:

A magic tractor drives down the road and turns into a field.

there are two fish in a tank. One turns to the other and says, “Do you know how to drive this thing?” (I quite like that one)

the magic tractor one is for the deep thinkers?

like

how do mice screw in a lightbulb? the normal way, but no one knows how they got in there

party_pants said:

party_pants said:

Stealth said:

I thought battery hen pens were frowned upon these days.

I f you knew that battery hens were charging these days you’d be frowning too.

what

I thought their charge would be measured in watts

worked better without the what p_p, fitted with the cells topping them up.

Boris said:

worked better without the what p_p, fitted with the cells topping them up.

I plead the Sibeen amendment. I’m drunk.

party_pants said:

Boris said:

The man told his doctor that he wasn’t able to do all the things around the house that he used to do. When the examination was complete, he said, “Now, Doc, I can take it. Tell me in plain English what is wrong with me.”

“Well, in plain English,” the doctor replied, “you’re just lazy.” “Okay,” said the man. “Now give me the medical term so I can tell my wife.”

I like that :)

that’s terrible

that’s quality humour arts.

Arts said:

party_pants said:

Boris said:

The man told his doctor that he wasn’t able to do all the things around the house that he used to do. When the examination was complete, he said, “Now, Doc, I can take it. Tell me in plain English what is wrong with me.”

“Well, in plain English,” the doctor replied, “you’re just lazy.” “Okay,” said the man. “Now give me the medical term so I can tell my wife.”

I like that :)

that’s terrible

I was imagining it as the sort of joke Ronnie Corbett could turn into a 5 minute monologue sitting in his chair.

Boris said:

that’s quality humour arts.

have you been hanging around the bowls club again?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=2rjbtsX7twc

A Capella Science – Bohemian Gravity!

Boris said:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=2rjbtsX7twc

A Capella Science – Bohemian Gravity!

I’m glad they put the words there.. that cleared it right up

Boris said:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=2rjbtsX7twc

A Capella Science – Bohemian Gravity!

It says published Sep 2013, but surely that’s been around for years.

Anyway, it’s very well done.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=2YBtspm8j8M

sibeen said:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=2YBtspm8j8M

Oooh, cynical much

Blind cricket
“http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dEb2lgGBEvU”

Q: What do you call a man with a beautifully patinated old telescope?

A: highlight .,. Seymour

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