I used to look forward to FFs. Can’t think of a contribution either.
one of the main reasons we no longer have it is that we ran out of the good jokes.
JudgeMental said:
one of the main reasons we no longer have it is that we ran out of the good jokes.
That wouldn’t bother me, I forget what I have for breakfast, or if I had brecky!
bob(from black rock) said:
I used to look forward to FFs. Can’t think of a contribution either.
Now why is that funny?
mr kii told me a bad joke on the way home :/
it was after I described the anti-choice peoples’ demo.
George W Bush was doing an interview about the aftermath of Hurricane Katrina. Apparently it had something to do with the Roe VS Wade ruling.
You can see where this goes, can’t you?
JudgeMental said:
one of the main reasons we no longer have it is that we ran out of the good jokes.
I thought you had a vault of the best ones?
A man came home and opened his fridge to grab a cold beer and was surprised to see a live rabbit lying supine, legs crossed and clearly enjoying itself.
“Howdy,” said the rabbit.
“Um… hi?” replied the man. “What are you doing in my fridge?”
“Westing,” said the rabbit. “This is a Westinghouse, isn’t it?”
Divine Angel said:
A man came home and opened his fridge to grab a cold beer and was surprised to see a live rabbit lying supine, legs crossed and clearly enjoying itself.
“Howdy,” said the rabbit.
“Um… hi?” replied the man. “What are you doing in my fridge?”
“Westing,” said the rabbit. “This is a Westinghouse, isn’t it?”
and I suppose it was a wabbit too.
Paddy decides to take up boxing and goes for the required medical. A few days later the doctor ‘phones and says “Paddy, you realise you’ve got sugar diabetes.”
Paddy says, “Nice one, when do I fight him ?”
It was hard getting over my addiction to the Hokey Cokey. But I’ve turned myself around and that’s what it’s all about.
A Muslim bloke I work with was bragging he had the entire Koran on DVD. Being interested, I asked him to burn me a copy. Well, that’s when it all kicked off !
Little boy gets home from school and says “Dad, I’ve got a part in the school play as a man who’s been married for 25 years.” His Dad replies “Never mind Son. Maybe next time you’ll get a speaking part !!!”
A dwarf goes to a very good but very busy doctor and asks “I know you are busy but do you treat dwarves ?” The doctor replies “Yes, but you will have to be a little patient”.
Police have just released details of a new drug craze that is being carried out in Yorkshire nightclubs. Apparently, Yorkshireclub goers have started injecting Ecstasy just above their front teeth. Police say the dangerous practice is called “e by gum”
And the bear said, look man, you’re not here for the hunting are you
aural joke punchline…
9W
Dropbear said:
And the bear said, look man, you’re not here for the hunting are you
bob(from black rock) said:
I used to look forward to FFs. Can’t think of a contribution either.
not to mention some excellent from wookiemeister
bouncing around in car
Carmen_Sandiego said:
And safer and more satisfying, with a lower noise level.
I thought this was pretty funny
swipe left
wookiemeister said:
bob(from black rock) said:
I used to look forward to FFs. Can’t think of a contribution either.
it’s one long Friday funnies
^This answer.
Ah, still the bitterness towards women. It’s funny how that never changes. Poor DO.
kii said:
Ah, still the bitterness towards women. It’s funny how that never changes. Poor DO.
hi kii and welcome to the internet, here you will find things called jokes – often these jokes play on popular stereotypes.
for instance..
both DO and spiderlilly aspire to feminist ideals; but DO is a man, so he’s just a little bit better at it.
diddly-squat said:
kii said:
Ah, still the bitterness towards women. It’s funny how that never changes. Poor DO.
hi kii and welcome to the internet, here you will find things called jokes – often these jokes play on popular stereotypes.
for instance..
both DO and spiderlilly aspire to feminist ideals; but DO is a man, so he’s just a little bit better at it.
Now that is funny, diddles.
Popular stereotypes? Popular with who? You have a daughter or 2? Is it good for them to be in a world where these “popular” stereotypes are still being pushed? I didn’t like the “popular” stereotypes that people made jokes about when my sons were little, ie. men are useless, stupid, dumb etc. It’s time to question these “popular” stereotypes that people bandy around.
(PS. You can stand down now as DO’s attack mutt.)
kii said:
diddly-squat said:
kii said:
Ah, still the bitterness towards women. It’s funny how that never changes. Poor DO.
hi kii and welcome to the internet, here you will find things called jokes – often these jokes play on popular stereotypes.
for instance..
both DO and spiderlilly aspire to feminist ideals; but DO is a man, so he’s just a little bit better at it.
Now that is funny, diddles.
Popular stereotypes? Popular with who? You have a daughter or 2? Is it good for them to be in a world where these “popular” stereotypes are still being pushed? I didn’t like the “popular” stereotypes that people made jokes about when my sons were little, ie. men are useless, stupid, dumb etc. It’s time to question these “popular” stereotypes that people bandy around.
(PS. You can stand down now as DO’s attack mutt.)
fixed
diddly-squat said:
kii said:
diddly-squat said:hi kii and welcome to the internet, here you will find things called jokes – often these jokes play on popular stereotypes.
for instance..
both DO and spiderlilly aspire to feminist ideals; but DO is a man, so he’s just a little bit better at it.
Now that is funny, diddles.
Popular stereotypes? Popular with who? You have a daughter or 2? Is it good for them to be in a world where these “popular” stereotypes are still being pushed? I didn’t like the “popular” stereotypes that people made jokes about when my sons were little, ie. men are useless, stupid, dumb etc. It’s time to question these “popular” stereotypes that people bandy around.
(PS. You can stand down now as DO’s attack mutt.)fixed
To be fair Kii loves the stereotypes on the forum…
It’s the only reason she came back…`
bob(from black rock) said:
Carmen_Sandiego said:
And safer and more satisfying, with a lower noise level.
well at least you can get inside one.
Love Letters to Richard Dawkins.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gW7607YiBso
bob(from black rock) said:
Carmen_Sandiego said:
And safer and more satisfying, with a lower noise level.
AND it comes with an instruction manual.
kii said:
Ah, still the bitterness towards women. It’s funny how that never changes. Poor DO.
Tamb said:
bob(from black rock) said:
Carmen_Sandiego said:
And safer and more satisfying, with a lower noise level.
AND it comes with an instruction manual.
roughbarked said:
bob(from black rock) said:
Carmen_Sandiego said:
And safer and more satisfying, with a lower noise level.
well at least you can get inside one.
:)
roughbarked said:
Tamb said:
bob(from black rock) said:And safer and more satisfying, with a lower noise level.
AND it comes with an instruction manual.
Which you WILL read?
I’m a little untypical. I always read the manuals & if written in English or a near facsimile I comprehend it.
One-metre overtaking rules for passing cyclists
how do they carry them the rest of the time?
,d
roughbarked said:
One-metre overtaking rules for passing cyclists
how do they carry them the rest of the time?
Tamb said:
roughbarked said:One-metre overtaking rules for passing cyclists
how do they carry them the rest of the time?
Do these laws apply to bicycles overtaking cars stopped at traffic lights?
turn your left windscreen squirter 90 degrees to the side..
comes in handy…
stumpy_seahorse said:
Tamb said:
roughbarked said:One-metre overtaking rules for passing cyclists
how do they carry them the rest of the time?
Do these laws apply to bicycles overtaking cars stopped at traffic lights?turn your left windscreen squirter 90 degrees to the side..
comes in handy…
Tamb said:
roughbarked said:
Tamb said:AND it comes with an instruction manual.
Which you WILL read?
I’m a little untypical. I always read the manuals & if written in English or a near facsimile I comprehend it.
HTH..
ftr.. nearest roundabout is 30km, nearest traffic light 70km, but nearest cyclist i’ve seen, about 220km…
Thread “Whatever happened to friday funnies?”
http://tokyo3.org/forums/holiday/?main=http%3A//tokyo3.org/forums/holiday/topics/4377/
stumpy_seahorse said:
Tamb said:
roughbarked said:Which you WILL read?
I’m a little untypical. I always read the manuals & if written in English or a near facsimile I comprehend it.HTH..
ftr.. nearest roundabout is 30km, nearest traffic light 70km, but nearest cyclist i’ve seen, about 220km…
Ha ha ha :)
You missed me then. I rode past your place about 30 years before you bought it.
mollwollfumble said:
Thread “Whatever happened to friday funnies?”http://tokyo3.org/forums/holiday/?main=http%3A//tokyo3.org/forums/holiday/topics/4377/
Just a tad too scientifically realistic..
roughbarked said:
stumpy_seahorse said:
Tamb said:HTH..
ftr.. nearest roundabout is 30km, nearest traffic light 70km, but nearest cyclist i’ve seen, about 220km…
Ha ha ha :)
You missed me then. I rode past your place about 30 years before you bought it.
if your record of posts on this forum is anything to go by…
I highly doubt it
stumpy_seahorse said:
roughbarked said:
stumpy_seahorse said:HTH..
ftr.. nearest roundabout is 30km, nearest traffic light 70km, but nearest cyclist i’ve seen, about 220km…
Ha ha ha :)
You missed me then. I rode past your place about 30 years before you bought it.
if your record of posts on this forum is anything to go by…
I highly doubt it
A sad man lives inside you.
I only joined Facebook a week ago, and only because my daughter insisted.
If you have access to Facebook, and know who Fresnel Chick is, she keeps a good collection of funnies there.
A woman arrived at a party & while scanning the guests she spotted an attractive man standing alone. She approached him smiled and said, “Hello. My name is Carmen.”
“That’s a beautiful name,” he replied. “Is it a family name?”
“No,” she replied. “As a matter of fact I gave it to myself. It represents the things that I enjoy the most – cars and men. Therefore I chose Carmen.” “What’s your name?” she asked.
He answered “B.J. Titsengolf.”
A man boarded an airplane and took his seat. As he settled in he glanced up and saw the most beautiful woman boarding the plane. He soon realized that she was heading straight towards his seat. As fate would have it, she took the seat right beside his.
Eager to strike up a conversation, he blurted out “Business trip or pleasure?” She turned, smiled and said, “Business, I’m going to the Annual Nymphomaniacs of America convention in Chicago,”
He swallowed hard. Here was the most gorgeous woman he had ever seen sitting next to him, and she was going to a meeting for nymphomaniacs!
Struggling to maintain his composure, he calmly asked, “What’s your business role at the convention?”
I am the lead lecturer,” she responded. “I take what I have learned from my own personal experiences to debunk some of the popular myths about sexuality.”
Really,” he said, “and what kinds of myths are there?”
Well.” she explained, “one popular myth is that African-American men are the most well-endowed of all men, when in fact it is the Native American Indian who is most likely to possess that trait. Another popular myth is that Frenchmen are the best lovers, when actually it is the men of Jewish descent that are the best. I have also discovered that the lover with the absolute best stamina is the Southern Redneck.”
I’m sorry” she said, “I shouldn’t really be discussing all this with you. I don’t even know your name.”
Tonto,” the man said,
“Tonto Goldstein,
but my friends call me Bubba.”
Catholic girl goes into the confessional & says to the priest, “I think I am pregnant.”
He asks, “How did this happen my child?”
“I think it must be the second coming,” she replies.
The priest shocked by this statement asks, “What makes you think it is the second coming?”
She replies, “Because I swallowed the first.”
Dear oh dear oh dear.
A woman was sure that her husband was cheating on her…and having an affair with the maid. So she laid down a trap.
One evening she suddenly sent the maid home for the weekend & didn’t tell the husband.
That night when they went to bed, the husband gave the old story: Excuse me my dear, my stomach aches, & went to the bathroom.
The wife promptly went into the maid’s bed. She switched the lights off. When he came in silently, he wasted no time or words but quickly got on top of her…
When he finished & was still panting, the wife said: You didn’t expect to find me in this bed, did you? And then she switched on the light…
No madam, said the gardener…
My new girlfriend asked me how many girls I’ve slept with. “Eleven,” I replied. “Wow! You must be a player,” she laughed.
“No,” I said, “I’m their coach.”
Stolen from Facebook:
Experts say that men think about sex every 7 seconds.
I try to eat hot dogs in 6 seconds, just so it doesn’t get weird.
Toward the end of the service, the Minister asked, “How many of you have forgiven your enemies?” 80% held up their hands. The Minister then repeated his question. All responded this time, except one small elderly lady. “Mrs. Jones? Are you not willing to forgive your enemies?” “I don’t have any,” she replied, smiling sweetly. “Mrs. Jones, that is very unusual. How old are you?” “Ninety-eight,” she replied. “Oh, Mrs. Jones, would you please come down in front and tell us all how a person can live ninety-eight years & not have an enemy in the world?” The little sweetheart of a lady tottered down the aisle, faced the congregation, and said: “I outlived the bitches.”
Dad: “Son, if you don’t stop masturbating you’re gonna go blind.”
Son: “I’m over here Dad.”
A man is walking down the street dragging 20 ft of rope behind him.
His neighbor is curious & asks, “Hey buddy, why you pulling that rope?” The man replies, “You ever tried pushing it?”
Have you heard about ISIS’s new inflatable sex dolls
They blow themselves up.
A police man pulls over a priest for swerving..
As the officer approaches the window he notices a bottle in a brown bag on the seat. Officer says, “father, I pulled you over for swerving back there. You haven’t been drinking have you?”
“No my son. Why would you ask that?”
“Well I noticed the bottle on the seat next to you.”
“Oh my son, that’s just holy water.”
“OK father. So why is it in a bag?”
“Well my son, that is to protect it from the suns rays.”
“Mind if I take a sip?”
“Not at all my son.”
As the officer puts the bottle to his lips and takes a drink, he immediately spits it out…
“Father, this is wine.”
The preacher, “PRAISE THE LORD. HE’S DONE IT AGAIN!”
Once upon a time…..
…….there lived a beautiful Queen with large, beautiful, queenly breasts. Gerald the Dragon Slayer obsessed over the Queen for this reason. He knew that the penalty for his desire would be death should he try to touch them, but he had to try.
One day Gerald revealed his secret desire to his colleague, Harold the Physician, the King’s chief doctor. Harold thought about this and said that he could arrange for Gerald to satisfy his desire, but it would cost him 1000 gold coins to arrange it. Gerald readily agreed to the scheme.
The next day, Harold made a batch of itching powder and poured a little bit into the Queen’s bra while she bathed. Soon after she dressed, the itching commenced and grew intense. Upon being summoned to the Royal Chambers to address this incident, Harold informed the King and Queen that only a special saliva, if applied for four hours, would cure this type of itch, and that tests had shown that, among all of the citizens of the kingdom, only the saliva of Gerald would work as the antidote to cure the itch.
The King, eager to help his Queen, quickly summoned Gerald to their chambers. Harold then slipped Gerald the antidote for the itching powder, which he put into his mouth, and for the next four hours he worked with verve and elan to remove the itching on the Queen’s magnificent breasts.
The itching was eventually relieved, and Gerald left satisfied. He was haled by both the King and Queen as a hero.
Upon returning to his chamber, Gerald found Harold demanding his payment of 1000 gold coins. With his hunger now satisfied, Gerald didn’t care, since he knew that Harold could never report this matter to the King. With a laugh, he told Harold to get lost.
The next day, Harold slipped a massive dose of the same itching powder into the King’s underwear. The King immediately summoned Gerald.
What do you call a T-Rex with a bomb strapped to it’s chest?
Dinomite
What do you call an elderly Mexican man?
A senõr citizen
CrazyNeutrino said:
What do you call an elderly Mexican man?A senõr citizen
That’s what happened to Friday Funnies.
dv said:
CrazyNeutrino said:
What do you call an elderly Mexican man?A senõr citizen
That’s what happened to Friday Funnies.
removes hat
bows head
observes a minute’s silence
Carmen_Sandiego said:
dv said:
CrazyNeutrino said:
What do you call an elderly Mexican man?A senõr citizen
That’s what happened to Friday Funnies.
removes hat
bows head
observes a minute’s silence
I don’t get it.
party_pants said:
I don’t get it.
It’s dead, like Zed’s dead, baby.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y7Yp2L6c2KM
There was a blonde, a redhead, and a brunette. They were all trapped on an island and the nearest shore was 50 miles away. The redhead swam trying to make it to the other shore she swam 15 miles, drowned, and died. The brunette swam 24 miles, drowned, and died. The blonde swam 25 miles, got tired, and swam back.
A woman got wooden breast implants yesterday. It would be funny if this joke had a punch line, wouldn’t it?
One of my feminist friends managed to get herself a new job recently, and literally the first thing her misogynist pig boss asked her to do was to make him a sandwich! Naturally my friend took a stand and quit on the spot, she’s even talking about boycotting the entire company.
Fucking Subway…
What’s Rangoon to you is Grafton to me; a psychedelic road journey from Brisbane to Sydney written by Russell Guy and featuring the voices of James Dibble and Russell Guy. The story is a quintessentially Australian gonzo rant, tracing the narrator’s twisted journey down the East coast of Australia.
Doesn’t like Pedigree Chum? Bloody fusspot.
That is brilliant if it isn’t just invented. lol
I miss Glowie.
Postpocelipse said:
That is brilliant if it isn’t just invented. lol
It is just invented. It is a 4-legged goat, one leg is just hidden behind the other, and the image is one just taken randomly from the net.
Peak Warming Man said:
I miss Glowie.
Aaaaw….
Carmen_Sandiego said:
Postpocelipse said:
That is brilliant if it isn’t just invented. lol
It is just invented. It is a 4-legged goat, one leg is just hidden behind the other, and the image is one just taken randomly from the net.
Still amusing. :D
Oh, geez :/ This one might actually belong in a Saturday Scary’s thread. Aliens, they walk amongst us.
kii said:
Oh, geez :/ This one might actually belong in a Saturday Scary’s thread. Aliens, they walk amongst us.
that’s just weird.
kii said:
Oh, geez :/ This one might actually belong in a Saturday Scary’s thread. Aliens, they walk amongst us.!http://cdn2.image.bored.com/thumbnails/15-aliens-caught-trying-blend/asset_11977__zero.gif
That is great.
It freaked me out and I like cats.
Did you hear about the historians who formed a heavy metal band? It was called AD/BC
A jew in his death bed and a Rolex
A jew in his death bed is surrounded by his family, ready to say farewell to their patriarch.
In his last moments, the jew takes something out of his pocket, calls his oldest son and says: “Yitzhak, here I have a 1935 Rolex Oyster Perpetual Chronometer.”
“I see it daddy”, answers the son
And then the old men continues, “This watch as with me during my whole life. It first belonged to my father’s father, then to my father, and finally to me”.
With tears in his eyes, the elder son replies, “It’s a beautiful watch with a beautiful story, Daddy”
Finally, the jew with a proud look and feeling accomplished asks, “Wanna buy?”
