Mind Benders .. aka JTQ’s vent thread.

Morning all

Hopefully someone can answer for me what should be a simple question.

Why are women so confusing?

For example, Thursday last week I was going along just fine in my happy little life. Had the perfect girlfriend, everything was amazing, things were great… had long term plans, and I was in the kitchen cleaning up, getting ready for people to inspect the place to take over my lease so I could move in to a new place with this incredible girl…. and she was in the other room, watching tv with her daughter.

Then she came out and we had a chat, and I won’t go in to details, but she disagreed with something I said, and we broke up. She said she never wanted to see me or hear from me ever again.

I’ve heard from her every day since then. She starts a text message conversation with me every day about various little things. At the end of each conversation, it ends with her saying she’s sick of hearing from me and will block my number in her phone and delete me from her contacts… then the next day she’s texting me again.

I cannot figure out why she keeps contacting me after saying she’s not interested in a relationship with me anymore. Her most recent message was her saying she swears on her daughter that she’ll never again even read any message I send to her. But this time – I’ve sent 2 replies and haven’t heard back from her….. So maybe this time she’ll stick to it. Although I’m still interested in her and hoping she’ll calm down and relax and possibly allow things to redevelop……

As a female… I’m saying she’s confused and hurt and the best thing you can do is give her some space to sort out her own shit.

Divine Angel said:

As a female… I’m saying she’s confused and hurt and the best thing you can do is give her some space to sort out her own shit.

Tell her she’s being emotional and unreasonable. She’ll thank you for the correction and apologise and immediately begin to see reason

Dropbear said:

Divine Angel said:

As a female… I’m saying she’s confused and hurt and the best thing you can do is give her some space to sort out her own shit.

Tell her she’s being emotional and unreasonable. She’ll thank you for the correction and apologise and immediately begin to see reason

:P

Divine Angel said:

As a female… I’m saying she’s confused and hurt and the best thing you can do is give her some space to sort out her own shit.

And so am I (apart from the being a female thing).

Dropbear said:

Divine Angel said:

As a female… I’m saying she’s confused and hurt and the best thing you can do is give her some space to sort out her own shit.

Tell her she’s being emotional and unreasonable. She’ll thank you for the correction and apologise and immediately begin to see reason

Then feed her chocolate and tell her to lie down.

Divine Angel said:

Dropbear said:

Divine Angel said:

As a female… I’m saying she’s confused and hurt and the best thing you can do is give her some space to sort out her own shit.

Tell her she’s being emotional and unreasonable. She’ll thank you for the correction and apologise and immediately begin to see reason

Then feed her chocolate and tell her to lie down.

No, buy her a new iron. It’s important to let her know she’s important to you

Psycho hose beast.

AwesomeO said:

Psycho hose beast.

GSEOH

Dropbear said:

AwesomeO said:

Psycho hose beast.

GSEOH

?

JTQ said:

Dropbear said:

AwesomeO said:

Psycho hose beast.

GSEOH

?

To me it sounds like she had already decided to break up with you and was just waiting for the trigger to do it.

Dropbear said:

JTQ said:

Dropbear said:

GSEOH

?

To me it sounds like she had already decided to break up with you and was just waiting for the trigger to do it.

Sounds like that, but no.. I’ve got a bit more of an insight into her mind since then with a lot of stuff she’s told me. She has been surprisingly forthcoming with stuff after we broke up. She always has been, but I thought after we broke up she’d go a little more quiet, but nope.

Actually ended up telling me a whole lot more than I thought she would.

JTQ said:

Mind Benders .. aka JTQ’s vent thread.

Why are women so confusing?

Maybe you should rephrase that. Why are some women so confusing? Or why are some people so confusing?

It sounds like she’s been unhappy about something for a while and is having a difficult time making a decision about whether to stay or go.

You don’t need to go on this confusing journey with her; just give her her space and let her get back to you when she’s worked it out for herself (or with the help of a counsellor).

In the meantime, try to understand that, unless the problem is dealt with in a rational way (and addressed), the relationship is likely to fall back into this state on a regular basis. It’s not good for anyone involved, especially not for her daughter.

Is the the type of relationship you want?

I would suggest the answer to your problems lies somewhere inbetween you cleaning up in the kitchen and her saying she never wants to talk to you again.

I would recommend you think carefully about what was said during this time and if there is maybe anyway you think your could negotiate a solution to the problem.

Woman are incomprehensible, in fact their reactions are generally very predictable – these reactions may not always be rational or in deed proportional (not that men hold any moral superiority here either), but they are predictable.

Speedy said:

JTQ said:

Mind Benders .. aka JTQ’s vent thread.

Why are women so confusing?

Maybe you should rephrase that. Why are some women so confusing? Or why are some people so confusing?

It sounds like she’s been unhappy about something for a while and is having a difficult time making a decision about whether to stay or go.

You don’t need to go on this confusing journey with her; just give her her space and let her get back to you when she’s worked it out for herself (or with the help of a counsellor).

In the meantime, try to understand that, unless the problem is dealt with in a rational way (and addressed), the relationship is likely to fall back into this state on a regular basis. It’s not good for anyone involved, especially not for her daughter.

Is the the type of relationship you want?

No I don’t want a relationship like that. Things were absolutely amazing and I want it to go back to that. Have never had so many things in common with someone. When we met we just ‘clicked’, and conversation flowed so easily right from the first moment, but I’m normally quiet and have never been like that with anyone else. I could go on for ages about how great it was, but don’t want to bore everyone here.

I want to give her some space and allow her to sort things out, but she’s still contacting me every day, and I just reply to what she sends to me. Each day it finishes off with her saying she’ll never contact me again, etc.. and the next day she’s back to messaging me again. I’d give her some space, but she’s not taking it. It’s her messaging me every day, but I’m not sure what else I can do apart from replying because I can’t just ignore her.

diddly-squat said:

I would suggest the answer to your problems lies somewhere inbetween you cleaning up in the kitchen and her saying she never wants to talk to you again.

I would recommend you think carefully about what was said during this time and if there is maybe anyway you think your could negotiate a solution to the problem.

Woman are incomprehensible, in fact their reactions are generally very predictable – these reactions may not always be rational or in deed proportional (not that men hold any moral superiority here either), but they are predictable.

Woman aren’t incomprehensible…

Freudian slip?

JTQ said:

Speedy said:

JTQ said:

Mind Benders .. aka JTQ’s vent thread.

Why are women so confusing?

Maybe you should rephrase that. Why are some women so confusing? Or why are some people so confusing?

It sounds like she’s been unhappy about something for a while and is having a difficult time making a decision about whether to stay or go.

You don’t need to go on this confusing journey with her; just give her her space and let her get back to you when she’s worked it out for herself (or with the help of a counsellor).

In the meantime, try to understand that, unless the problem is dealt with in a rational way (and addressed), the relationship is likely to fall back into this state on a regular basis. It’s not good for anyone involved, especially not for her daughter.

Is the the type of relationship you want?

No I don’t want a relationship like that. Things were absolutely amazing and I want it to go back to that. Have never had so many things in common with someone. When we met we just ‘clicked’, and conversation flowed so easily right from the first moment, but I’m normally quiet and have never been like that with anyone else. I could go on for ages about how great it was, but don’t want to bore everyone here.

I want to give her some space and allow her to sort things out, but she’s still contacting me every day, and I just reply to what she sends to me. Each day it finishes off with her saying she’ll never contact me again, etc.. and the next day she’s back to messaging me again. I’d give her some space, but she’s not taking it. It’s her messaging me every day, but I’m not sure what else I can do apart from replying because I can’t just ignore her.

this bit makes me laugh a little… “I want to give her some space and allow her to sort things out”

dude… have you considered that maybe it’s not just her than needs to “sort things out”?

Generally speaking, I think most women are predictable. Hormonal, tired or stressed women are not predictable

Divine Angel said:

Generally speaking, I think most women are predictable. Hormonal, tired or stressed women are not predictable

yes they are… they are just more ‘sensitive’ to the inputs and more irrational and disproportionate in their responses is all.

diddly-squat said:

I would recommend you think carefully about what was said during this time and if there is maybe anyway you think your could negotiate a solution to the problem.

I know what was said and what happened. It was a misunderstanding, of course, and a difference of opinion in the definition of the word ‘relationship’.

Let me explain. She had asked me a few times previously how long it has been since I was with my ex. I said 3 years, which is true. But this time she then asked me how long it has been since I was “intimate” with my ex, and I said about 18 months, which is also true. She got upset with me, saying that I lied to her, and clearly the relationship finished 18 months ago, not 3 years ago. But my ex and I didn’t see it as a relationship, but just two friends having fun… That’s where we broke up, she said I’d like to her and she can’t trust me, and if you don’t have trust then you don’t have anything.

Last night we were messaging again, and eventually she said she doesn’t like my attitude. I replied saying I’m not sure what she means, as I have only been polite and never said a bad word to her, and she said “for god’s sake just forget it”, so i didn’t reply after that.. about 2 hours later she said she now knows without a shadow of a doubt that i never loved her and she swears on her daughter that she will never even read any messages i send her from now on. I’ve sent 2 messages after that and had no reply.

diddly-squat said:

I would suggest the answer to your problems lies somewhere inbetween you cleaning up in the kitchen and her saying she never wants to talk to you again.

I would recommend you think carefully about what was said during this time and if there is maybe anyway you think your could negotiate a solution to the problem.

Woman are incomprehensible, in fact their reactions are generally very predictable – these reactions may not always be rational or in deed proportional (not that men hold any moral superiority here either), but they are predictable.

That’s some gold humour right there.. Sensational stuff and delivered so dead pan

diddly-squat said:

Divine Angel said:

Generally speaking, I think most women are predictable. Hormonal, tired or stressed women are not predictable

yes they are… they are just more ‘sensitive’ to the inputs and more irrational and disproportionate in their responses is all.

Bullshit

Irrational responses are the anathema to predictability

JTQ said:

Things were absolutely amazing and I want it to go back to that.

Well only you know what it is that she’s complaining about now. Obviously if you want the relationship to resemble the old one, the issues will have to be dealt with.

Obviously messaging is not the best form of communication here. Arrange a face-to-face meeting to try to work out a way to move forward together and in the meantime, let her know that you will not be replying to her texts.

Well today, I had planned to do something else…

Last weekend we were up north and randomly met some people camping alongside the Murray river. He took us for a ride on his speedboat, and I got some photos of my gf and her daughter. I’ve since had them printed and put them in a small photo book/album, so she’ll have a copy of the photos as well.

Before we broke up, I gave her a ring, but it was too big so I had it resized. It’s ready to pick up today.

She had also said last night that I had never really done anything romantic for her (I thought I had), so I was also going to get a bunch of red roses with a single white one in the middle, and a message that says “In a big bunch, there’s always one that stands out” or something like that.

I’d leave all this on the table at her front door, then send her a message letting her know there’s something there for her, as she won’t let me see her… and if I knocked on the door, I’d expect to also have things thrown at me if she’s really angry. I’ve asked a few times if I could come chat with her to talk things through but she declines each time.

JTQ said:

diddly-squat said:

I would recommend you think carefully about what was said during this time and if there is maybe anyway you think your could negotiate a solution to the problem.

I know what was said and what happened. It was a misunderstanding, of course, and a difference of opinion in the definition of the word ‘relationship’.

Let me explain. She had asked me a few times previously how long it has been since I was with my ex. I said 3 years, which is true. But this time she then asked me how long it has been since I was “intimate” with my ex, and I said about 18 months, which is also true. She got upset with me, saying that I lied to her, and clearly the relationship finished 18 months ago, not 3 years ago. But my ex and I didn’t see it as a relationship, but just two friends having fun… That’s where we broke up, she said I’d like to her and she can’t trust me, and if you don’t have trust then you don’t have anything.

Last night we were messaging again, and eventually she said she doesn’t like my attitude. I replied saying I’m not sure what she means, as I have only been polite and never said a bad word to her, and she said “for god’s sake just forget it”, so i didn’t reply after that.. about 2 hours later she said she now knows without a shadow of a doubt that i never loved her and she swears on her daughter that she will never even read any messages i send her from now on. I’ve sent 2 messages after that and had no reply.

read: sorry baby but obviously the problem here is with you and not me

Dropbear said:

diddly-squat said:

Divine Angel said:

Generally speaking, I think most women are predictable. Hormonal, tired or stressed women are not predictable

yes they are… they are just more ‘sensitive’ to the inputs and more irrational and disproportionate in their responses is all.

Bullshit

Irrational responses are the anathema to predictability

I’m not suggesting you can predict the nature of the response, only that a response is likely

Speedy said:

Obviously messaging is not the best form of communication here. Arrange a face-to-face meeting to try to work out a way to move forward together and in the meantime, let her know that you will not be replying to her texts.

Yes, true. But she’s not giving me any other options. I’ve asked a few times to meet with her but she declines each time. This is why I’m so confused, because she keeps saying she doesn’t want to see me any more or ever be in contact with me anymore … then the next day she’s messaging me again.

My concern is that if I let her know that I’m not going to reply to her texts then she’ll just not bother sending any more and I’ll not have any contact with her and never hear from her again.

In 8 days she’s moving 2.5hrs away, and I’m concerned at that point that if things aren’t cooled down and fixed by then, I’ll never see her again.

JTQ said:

In 8 days she’s moving 2.5hrs away, and I’m concerned at that point that if things aren’t cooled down and fixed by then, I’ll never see her again.

Is this where you were supposed to be moving to Cobram?

sibeen said:

JTQ said:

In 8 days she’s moving 2.5hrs away, and I’m concerned at that point that if things aren’t cooled down and fixed by then, I’ll never see her again.

Is this where you were supposed to be moving to Cobram?

Yep, we were going to move into that place together. Now instead, I’ve still got someone else taking over my lease at my current property and I’ve got 8 days to get out.

JTQ said:

Yep, we were going to move into that place together. Now instead, I’ve still got someone else taking over my lease at my current property and I’ve got 8 days to get out.

… and not sure where to go yet.. but can’t cancel the new person taking over the lease either.

Speedy said:

JTQ said:

Mind Benders .. aka JTQ’s vent thread.

Why are women so confusing?

Maybe you should rephrase that. Why are some women so confusing? Or why are some people so confusing?

It sounds like she’s been unhappy about something for a while and is having a difficult time making a decision about whether to stay or go.

You don’t need to go on this confusing journey with her; just give her her space and let her get back to you when she’s worked it out for herself (or with the help of a counsellor).

In the meantime, try to understand that, unless the problem is dealt with in a rational way (and addressed), the relationship is likely to fall back into this state on a regular basis. It’s not good for anyone involved, especially not for her daughter.

Is the the type of relationship you want?

What Speedy said.

IME back away from her. Both of you are experiencing emotional crap in your lives. Sort out your life and be healthy for yourself and your son.

A therapist once told me that we often ‘hook in” with another person’s emotional needs in very unhealthy ways.

Also some people get off on all sorts of games and dramas. Walk away and don’t look back.

Sometimes the women is actually completely unreasonable and difficult and the man hasn’t done anything wrong. You get accused of things you’ve done when in actual fact the idea never even entered you head let alone the deed you’ve been accused of doing.

Cymek said:

Sometimes people are actually completely unreasonable and difficult and the other person hasn’t done anything wrong. You get accused of things you’ve done when in actual fact the idea never even entered you head let alone the deed you’ve been accused of doing.

*fixed

kii said:

Cymek said:

Sometimes people are actually completely unreasonable and difficult and the other person hasn’t done anything wrong. You get accused of things you’ve done when in actual fact the idea never even entered you head let alone the deed you’ve been accused of doing.

*fixed

No

Dropbear said:

kii said:

Cymek said:

Sometimes people are actually completely unreasonable and difficult and the other person hasn’t done anything wrong. You get accused of things you’ve done when in actual fact the idea never even entered you head let alone the deed you’ve been accused of doing.

*fixed

Yes*

*fixed

kii said:

Dropbear said:

kii said:

*fixed

Yes*

*fixed

I specifically mentioned women as JTQ may have actually done nothing wrong and its all in the mind of the women in question.

JTQ said:

Well today, I had planned to do something else…

Last weekend we were up north and randomly met some people camping alongside the Murray river. He took us for a ride on his speedboat, and I got some photos of my gf and her daughter. I’ve since had them printed and put them in a small photo book/album, so she’ll have a copy of the photos as well.

Before we broke up, I gave her a ring, but it was too big so I had it resized. It’s ready to pick up today.

She had also said last night that I had never really done anything romantic for her (I thought I had), so I was also going to get a bunch of red roses with a single white one in the middle, and a message that says “In a big bunch, there’s always one that stands out” or something like that.

I’d leave all this on the table at her front door, then send her a message letting her know there’s something there for her, as she won’t let me see her… and if I knocked on the door, I’d expect to also have things thrown at me if she’s really angry. I’ve asked a few times if I could come chat with her to talk things through but she declines each time.

If I may ask .. would anyone suggest this is all okay, or should I not? I know she needs her space at the moment but I’d hope this would make things a little more positive, as there’s 3 “nice” things there for her.

Definitely give her the book of photos. If it were me, I wouldn’t say no to the flowers either. If she knows about the ring give it to her. If not, leave it for the time being.

It sounds like she really needs her space. Leaving gifts for her is not giving her space. Leave her alone to figure stuff out.

Cymek said:

kii said:

Dropbear said:

Yes*

*fixed

I specifically mentioned women as JTQ may have actually done nothing wrong and its all in the mind of the women in question.

I appreciate the thought, but I haven’t been entirely without fault. I should’ve let her know about what happened 18 months ago with my ex, but I hadn’t because I didn’t think it was such an issue because we were only friends. So to me, I had answered her question honestly. But a couple of other times earlier than that throughout the weeks prior, I hadn’t been entirely as forthcoming with info as I should have been.

She’s only ever asked one thing of me – to be honest – and I hadn’t been entirely because I was concerned that she would get upset and break up with me …

*shrugs *

I may not be thinking clearly, but if I ask someone to leave me alone/give me space – I mean it. Like as in – leave me alone.

I think I might just go lie down and have an anaphylactic reaction.

JTQ said:

I should’ve let her know about what happened 18 months ago with my ex, but I hadn’t because I didn’t think it was such an issue because we were only friends. So to me, I had answered her question honestly.

Friends with benefits…

Men and women see sex differently.

Divine Angel said:

Definitely give her the book of photos. If it were me, I wouldn’t say no to the flowers either. If she knows about the ring give it to her. If not, leave it for the time being.

She knows about the ring, or at least she knew about it. About 2 weeks ago, she was worried about things, and was concerned that at some point in the future I’d just get bored of her and leave. I told her that wouldn’t happen (and me constantly showing interest in her should’ve shown that and still should be showing that), and I told her I’d do something to try to prove it. Best I could come up with at the time was a promise ring. I gave it to her and she really liked it, which was good because she says she is difficult to buy jewellery for because she has a very specific taste. It was too big, so I had it resized. She’s got really small hands, and turns out her middle finger will fit a size K, but the ring was size N.

I’m not sure if she still remembers it tho, but she will when she sees it.

Just unsure now if I should leave it on the table outside and message her saying everything is there, or knock on the door and hopefully she will open the door and chat. I prefer to chat but I don’t want to cause more trouble.

kii said:

It sounds like she really needs her space. Leaving gifts for her is not giving her space. Leave her alone to figure stuff out.

It’s not giving gifts, as such .. I guess the roses would be, but that’s more in response to her saying she thinks I never did anything romantic for her.

The photo album needs to get to her at some point anyway because I had taken photos of her and her daughter and she should have them.

The ring is hers anyway, as I gave it to her when we were together, but it’s just been resized. Now I just need to give it back to her.

Emotional manipulation, be glad there going and move on.

JTQ said:

JTQ said:

Well today, I had planned to do something else…

Last weekend we were up north and randomly met some people camping alongside the Murray river. He took us for a ride on his speedboat, and I got some photos of my gf and her daughter. I’ve since had them printed and put them in a small photo book/album, so she’ll have a copy of the photos as well.

Before we broke up, I gave her a ring, but it was too big so I had it resized. It’s ready to pick up today.

She had also said last night that I had never really done anything romantic for her (I thought I had), so I was also going to get a bunch of red roses with a single white one in the middle, and a message that says “In a big bunch, there’s always one that stands out” or something like that.

I’d leave all this on the table at her front door, then send her a message letting her know there’s something there for her, as she won’t let me see her… and if I knocked on the door, I’d expect to also have things thrown at me if she’s really angry. I’ve asked a few times if I could come chat with her to talk things through but she declines each time.

If I may ask .. would anyone suggest this is all okay, or should I not? I know she needs her space at the moment but I’d hope this would make things a little more positive, as there’s 3 “nice” things there for her.

Now is not the time for gifts. Forget the flowers altogether; they’re rarely meaningful.

Sorry dude, my alarm bells are ringing. She’s insecure and giving her three gifts at once makes her think you’re hiding something.

JTQ said:

JTQ said:

Well today, I had planned to do something else…

Last weekend we were up north and randomly met some people camping alongside the Murray river. He took us for a ride on his speedboat, and I got some photos of my gf and her daughter. I’ve since had them printed and put them in a small photo book/album, so she’ll have a copy of the photos as well.

Before we broke up, I gave her a ring, but it was too big so I had it resized. It’s ready to pick up today.

She had also said last night that I had never really done anything romantic for her (I thought I had), so I was also going to get a bunch of red roses with a single white one in the middle, and a message that says “In a big bunch, there’s always one that stands out” or something like that.

I’d leave all this on the table at her front door, then send her a message letting her know there’s something there for her, as she won’t let me see her… and if I knocked on the door, I’d expect to also have things thrown at me if she’s really angry. I’ve asked a few times if I could come chat with her to talk things through but she declines each time.

If I may ask .. would anyone suggest this is all okay, or should I not? I know she needs her space at the moment but I’d hope this would make things a little more positive, as there’s 3 “nice” things there for her.

I’m no “Girlfriend Whisperer’ but there are a couple of things I would suggest

1. you obviously have it in your head that you have ‘done nothing wrong’ – my suggestion is that you apply some critical analysis to things you have said and done and assess if this is actually true.
2. you can’t change her, all you can do is change your behaviors – you need to work out if this is this something that you actually want to do
3. assess if this is the relationship for you – does it make you happy, is it something you want for your future.

roses and notes and all lovely gestures but unless you can really address the points above, then it’s likely you’ll end up in the same place again at some point in the future

poikilotherm said:

Emotional manipulation, be glad there going and move on.

They’re

ha…*they’re

Divine Angel said:

JTQ said:

I should’ve let her know about what happened 18 months ago with my ex, but I hadn’t because I didn’t think it was such an issue because we were only friends. So to me, I had answered her question honestly.

Friends with benefits…

Men and women see sex differently.

Depends on the position

kii said:

*shrugs *

I may not be thinking clearly, but if I ask someone to leave me alone/give me space – I mean it. Like as in – leave me alone.

I think I might just go lie down and have an anaphylactic reaction.

I know that’s pretty much how it is… but I’m confused still, where she says to go away and never message her again, and then the next day she’s messaging me again.

Confusing still…. and I’d love to sit down with her and discuss it, but she won’t allow it… so for the moment I’m stuck in this confusing situation.

Divine Angel said:

JTQ said:

I should’ve let her know about what happened 18 months ago with my ex, but I hadn’t because I didn’t think it was such an issue because we were only friends. So to me, I had answered her question honestly.

Friends with benefits…

Men and women see sex differently.

I see that much more clearly now. Didn’t occur to me before, like a lot of stuff.

poikilotherm said:

Emotional manipulation, be glad there going and move on.

On the receiving end, I’ll deal with it, because I still have strong feelings for her and for now am glad to have at least some contact with her.

But me emotionally manipulating her, I’d never even consider it.

Go to her Springfield and vandalise all her buildings.

Dropbear said:

Divine Angel said:

JTQ said:

I should’ve let her know about what happened 18 months ago with my ex, but I hadn’t because I didn’t think it was such an issue because we were only friends. So to me, I had answered her question honestly.

Friends with benefits…

Men and women see sex differently.

Depends on the position

we have the technology…

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hLqVxC6JWIM

diddly-squat said:

I’m no “Girlfriend Whisperer’ but there are a couple of things I would suggest

1. you obviously have it in your head that you have ‘done nothing wrong’ – my suggestion is that you apply some critical analysis to things you have said and done and assess if this is actually true.
2. you can’t change her, all you can do is change your behaviors – you need to work out if this is this something that you actually want to do
3. assess if this is the relationship for you – does it make you happy, is it something you want for your future.

roses and notes and all lovely gestures but unless you can really address the points above, then it’s likely you’ll end up in the same place again at some point in the future

1. I’m not saying I haven’t done anything wrong – I know I have done things wrong, and every time something does go wrong, I can see how I’ve caused it directly. But at the same time, I can see she is hypersensitive and I think she needs to be calmer in certain situations.
2. Yes I do want to change my behaviours. I’m not a perfect person and am always willing to improve myself. I’ve got a lot of work to do on me to improve (who doesn’t?) and I have no issue in doing my best to improve.
3. Yes. Yes.

my post wasn’t in reference to you.

Divine Angel said:

Go to her Springfield and vandalise all her buildings.

lol…

That was the beginning on Monday’s texting… she messaged me to say not to go to her Springfield again because she can’t deal with seeing my name on her screen everyday.

poikilotherm said:

my post wasn’t in reference to you.

psst… quote button…

Not sure who you’re referencing.

poikilotherm said:

Emotional manipulation, be glad there going and move on.

JTQ, he meant she was manipulating you, not the other way around.

Speedy said:

poikilotherm said:

Emotional manipulation, be glad there going and move on.

JTQ, he meant she was manipulating you, not the other way around.

That’s why I had the reply:

On the receiving end, I’ll deal with it, because I still have strong feelings for her and for now am glad to have at least some contact with her.

The worry is that you may compromise yourself too much to get back with her and find you don’t like it down the road, for sure changes things you don’t like about yourself but don’t sell yourself out.

JTQ said:

diddly-squat said:

I’m no “Girlfriend Whisperer’ but there are a couple of things I would suggest

1. you obviously have it in your head that you have ‘done nothing wrong’ – my suggestion is that you apply some critical analysis to things you have said and done and assess if this is actually true.
2. you can’t change her, all you can do is change your behaviors – you need to work out if this is this something that you actually want to do
3. assess if this is the relationship for you – does it make you happy, is it something you want for your future.

roses and notes and all lovely gestures but unless you can really address the points above, then it’s likely you’ll end up in the same place again at some point in the future

1. I’m not saying I haven’t done anything wrong – I know I have done things wrong, and every time something does go wrong, I can see how I’ve caused it directly. But at the same time, I can see she is hypersensitive and I think she needs to be calmer in certain situations.
2. Yes I do want to change my behaviours. I’m not a perfect person and am always willing to improve myself. I’ve got a lot of work to do on me to improve (who doesn’t?) and I have no issue in doing my best to improve.
3. Yes. Yes.

You may want her to be calmer and react differently to the way she does react, but you have no control over that at all… I’m sure in her mind she’s not being hypersensitive at all.

relationships are about negotiation and compromise – talk to her and see if she is willing to find some middle ground.

JTQ said:

diddly-squat said:

3. assess if this is the relationship for you – does it make you happy, is it something you want for your future.

3. Yes. Yes.

So if you work from this point …

The biggest issue you face is having to move to Cobram together in a few days. These issues are likely to take much longer to resolve. Look closely at all of your alternatives.

Cymek said:

The worry is that you may compromise yourself too much to get back with her and find you don’t like it down the road, for sure changes things you don’t like about yourself but don’t sell yourself out.

I always just saw it that if it doesn’t work out with her then I’ll already be a better person for someone else

JTQ said:

Speedy said:

poikilotherm said:

Emotional manipulation, be glad there going and move on.

JTQ, he meant she was manipulating you, not the other way around.

That’s why I had the reply:

On the receiving end, I’ll deal with it, because I still have strong feelings for her and for now am glad to have at least some contact with her.

equally don’t be a passive doormat – compromise goes both ways.

you may have to be prepared for the eventually that she doesn’t feel the same way about you and you feel about her

Move on. Find someone else.
It happens all over the world thousands of times a day.

Speedy said:

JTQ said:

diddly-squat said:

3. assess if this is the relationship for you – does it make you happy, is it something you want for your future.

3. Yes. Yes.

So if you work from this point …

The biggest issue you face is having to move to Cobram together in a few days. These issues are likely to take much longer to resolve. Look closely at all of your alternatives.

I’m not moving to Cobram now, because she’s not letting me move there with her.

if I were you I would contact a relationship counsellor that specialises in this kind of problem and let them hear all sides of the story in a private setting

if that doesn’t resolve any “ issues” then you’ll probably need to time time to cool things off

either way there’ll be a conclusion

it might have been an easy way to break things off with you and provide an excuse to the daughter that a previous partner that you’ve not been with for nearly two years is somehow the reason she broke up with you. she has been the prime mover in this situation.

see the relationship counsellor at your request with both of you and it knocks the ball firmly into her court

if I here’s this kind of thing from my significant other I breezily wave it all away by stating the facts firmly with tact and diplomacy and then smile

Spiny Norman said:

Move on. Find someone else.
It happens all over the world thousands of times a day.

I know it does.

After everything we’ve done together and been through together, I’d like to think we could’ve at least tried somehow to make it work.

Her daughter was living in Cobram and she was living in Melbourne, and they hadn’t seen each other for 5 months (long story). She couldn’t get to Cobram to see her daughter, but I managed to convince her on her daughter’s birthday to let me drive her to Cobram to reunite them, and find her somewhere to live near her daughter (even put myself on the lease and was going to move with her to help pay rent and bills). Along the way (not going to explain how), but managed to save her life as well, quite literally.

Just as one example.. but there’s been plenty more than that. A hell of a lot has happened in the short time we’ve known each other.

I did have one other brainwave that might help, and I’m sure she doesn’t know that I remember it.

At one point about 3 weeks ago, she showed me a bottle of perfume that she has. It’s only a very small bottle, maybe 15-20ml? She has almost run out, and doesn’t use it much anymore because she doesn’t want to use it all up and have none left, so it’s only for special occasions.

It’s a rare one and hasn’t been made since 2008. I’ve found it online and will cost a bit to get it, but I’d like to think that (hypothetically) if I did get it, she would appreciate that I’d have remembered something so small. She told me at the time that if I managed to ever find it for her, she would do absolutely anything I’d like.

However, the price tag sits slightly over $200 and will have to be imported from Poland.

JTQ said:

I did have one other brainwave that might help, and I’m sure she doesn’t know that I remember it.

At one point about 3 weeks ago, she showed me a bottle of perfume that she has. It’s only a very small bottle, maybe 15-20ml? She has almost run out, and doesn’t use it much anymore because she doesn’t want to use it all up and have none left, so it’s only for special occasions.

It’s a rare one and hasn’t been made since 2008. I’ve found it online and will cost a bit to get it, but I’d like to think that (hypothetically) if I did get it, she would appreciate that I’d have remembered something so small. She told me at the time that if I managed to ever find it for her, she would do absolutely anything I’d like.

However, the price tag sits slightly over $200 and will have to be imported from Poland.

I hope that post was TIC.

…steps away from the thread…..

JTQ said:

I did have one other brainwave that might help, and I’m sure she doesn’t know that I remember it.

At one point about 3 weeks ago, she showed me a bottle of perfume that she has. It’s only a very small bottle, maybe 15-20ml? She has almost run out, and doesn’t use it much anymore because she doesn’t want to use it all up and have none left, so it’s only for special occasions.

It’s a rare one and hasn’t been made since 2008. I’ve found it online and will cost a bit to get it, but I’d like to think that (hypothetically) if I did get it, she would appreciate that I’d have remembered something so small. She told me at the time that if I managed to ever find it for her, she would do absolutely anything I’d like.

However, the price tag sits slightly over $200 and will have to be imported from Poland.

buying presents may offset having to deal with the problem, but it won’t make it go away.

but $200 for ‘absolutely anything’ you’d like seems a good deal… If it were me, I’d wish for an infinite number of wishes.

Yes. Yes it was.

JTQ said:

Yes. Yes it was.

Very funny. You had us going there for a minute :)

Speedy said:

JTQ said:

Yes. Yes it was.

Very funny. You had us going there for a minute :)

To be perfectly honest, if it would work and things would be perfect from that point onwards, I’d probably do it.

But with how things stand at the moment, no.

Seriously, as difficult as it is right now, stop obsessing about her and worry about yourself and your own living arrangements for the time-being, and be grateful that she didn’t hit you with this revelation after you’d moved.

Sounds like you have got entangled with a “Drama Queen” drop her, she will always be looking for something/anything to bitch and moan about and even if you do what she wants it will be wrong and your fault, the technical definition is Fith, which stands for fucked in the head, and is a bit like stepping on dog shit, the best thing to do is throw the shoes away.

bob(from black rock) said:

Sounds like you have got entangled with a “Drama Queen” drop her, she will always be looking for something/anything to bitch and moan about and even if you do what she wants it will be wrong and your fault, the technical definition is Fith, which stands for fucked in the head, and is a bit like stepping on dog shit, the best thing to do is throw the shoes away.

Ooo…another bitter one :D

I don’t feel able to offer any meaningful opinion, mostly because:

>and I won’t go in to details<

We have no idea what the conflict is about.

Bubblecar said:

I don’t feel able to offer any meaningful opinion, mostly because:

>and I won’t go in to details<

We have no idea what the conflict is about.

It doesn’t matter, it is all about attention seeking and extortion, Sharia law fixes all of this.

So how long has this friendship been going on?

right

have just read the original post and think I know what’s going on

the fact she is moving 2.5 hours a week from now is pertinent information

it’s just too far for her to travel strange as it seems. think about it this way , why would a woman move away from someone they are in a relationship?

the texting: you see this from the drug addled fellows that ply their trade on fishing boats for months on end, they’ll text women they barely know and when they get back rarely have anything to do with them – they use them as a crutch

the texting is just something for her to do and feel good about breaking up with you

can you see how one action may seem to contradict the other ??

key facts

she is moving away

she is breaking up with you

I wouldn’t waste anymore time on the matter, don’t respond to SMS

my navel is so deep
dare not gaze into it

of ‘m ladies dare no
generalizin’ ‘bout so