Looking after my elderly mother. Am not coping. Everyone is making serious mistakes. Including me.

I should be staying at my sister’s place which is only five minutes away, my sister is overseas, but her son has left decaying food and dog shit all over the house and I can’t stand to live there, and don’t have the energy to clean it all up. Even at 94, she has more energy than me.

Being with my mother makes me realise how empty my life is. I’m taking twice my prescribes anti-depressant dose but it isn’t enough. I have literally nothing to talk about other than her illness.

Latest mistakes include throwing out her padded underwear – I thought it was a disposable, but should have realised as I had washed it just a few days earlier.

I had to fight two nurses from different nursing associations about her insulin dose. The hospital she was just released from changed it (of course) but nurses wanted to continue with previous dose. A nurse walked out halfway through supervising her insulin injection and didn’t come back. It’s bloody annoying that home-visit nurses are ALL banned from actually doing anything for the patient, including giving them their medicines.

Doctor has her on all sorts of stupid drugs eg. for angina – she doesn’t have angina, anti-constipation pills she doesn’t need because she has diarrhea, vitamins etc. At the same time having no medicine for her most serious problem – high risk of stroke.

I’m making more mistakes than that – lost her house pass card I only got the previous day – found it again. Leaving medicines out of fridge. Getting wrong week. Setting conflicting time schedules. Going to something a week late. Left keys in car ignition (didn’t lock car) but came back to car wondering where the radio music was coming from (it was car radio) and walked away again still leaving the keys in the ignition.

I can’t stand the drive over there, which can be as long as an hour and a quarter each way each day, or 55 minutes each way if I pay $30 a day.

I had to argue with her for over half an hour to get her to take her morning pills, she claimed that she had already taken her morning pills but that was because she had missed the previous night’s pills and taken them in the morning.

She’s too weak to do a lot of things, such as push the injector on her insulin. But in too good a condition to go to a nursing home.

I could say more, particularly about the hospital maltreatment.

My input, hope it helps.

Information for Mollwolfumble try contacting the Commonwealth Carers Resource Centre https://www.yourcare.com.au/supplier/profile/commonwealth-carer-resource-centre-victoria, they have a range of services and support available for you. Also contact the local council in your Mum’s suburb you never know there may be something there for you too. From what you are saying it sounds like you are now in a full time caring role, that makes you eligible for assistance from the Government who also have Social Workers available. Most importantly Molly please look after yourself and as suggested use this place to stay in touch..

From: party_pants
ID: 717082
Subject: re: Chat in May
Shit Moll – that sounds like a terrible situation.

Can only suggest you hang in there and learn from your mistakes rather than beat yourself up over them. Control what you can control, and don’t be too hard on yourself with what is actually a pretty steep learning curve. You won’t get it all at once without any hiccups along the way.

…

From: kii
ID: 717085
Subject: re: Chat in May

mollwollfumble – I am so sorry that you are having this trouble. Can you contact a social worker at the local hospital or health clinic? I’m really out of the loop re: services in Oz nowadays, but surely some type of support is available?

…

From: kii
ID: 717088
Subject: re: Chat in May
It must be exhausting.

Do you keep notes on what’s what? I have always used a day planner with lots of space per page, to keep notes on things when overloaded. We’re thinking of getting one again as mr kii is going through multiple issues regarding his health veterans’ services :/

Also keep bugging (I mean contacting) the people who might be able to offer support – I figure most places have had cutbacks to funding and therefore services.

I worked on the management committees of voluntary groups in NSW that provide in home support to elderly/ill people…that’s all my experience and it is really out of date.

It’s good that you posted here and vented…do it again if you need to or just check in as people do care and can provide a safe place to talk through issues.

all the best…stay strong :)

…

From: Witty Rejoinder
ID: 717090
Subject: re: Chat in May
Sorry to hear of your troubles Moll.

Remember that if you are finding it hard to cope, don’t for one minute think you shouldn’t take full advantage of the medical system to help with your mum. If she can’t stay at home on her own, and you’re struggling too then she is deserving of a hospital stay or a short term spell in a respite care..

Also take full advantage of whatever help you can get from family and friends. You may feel you are being a burden on other people but remember that you can pay back in full any help you receive in the future with interest ie. You can go out of your way to pay back friends and family for any help you receive.

Witty Rejoinder said:

From: party_pants
ID: 717082
Subject: re: Chat in May
Shit Moll – that sounds like a terrible situation.

Can only suggest you hang in there and learn from your mistakes rather than beat yourself up over them. Control what you can control, and don’t be too hard on yourself with what is actually a pretty steep learning curve. You won’t get it all at once without any hiccups along the way.

…

From: kii
ID: 717085
Subject: re: Chat in May

mollwollfumble – I am so sorry that you are having this trouble. Can you contact a social worker at the local hospital or health clinic? I’m really out of the loop re: services in Oz nowadays, but surely some type of support is available?

…

From: kii
ID: 717088
Subject: re: Chat in May
It must be exhausting.

Do you keep notes on what’s what? I have always used a day planner with lots of space per page, to keep notes on things when overloaded. We’re thinking of getting one again as mr kii is going through multiple issues regarding his health veterans’ services :/

Also keep bugging (I mean contacting) the people who might be able to offer support – I figure most places have had cutbacks to funding and therefore services.

I worked on the management committees of voluntary groups in NSW that provide in home support to elderly/ill people…that’s all my experience and it is really out of date.

It’s good that you posted here and vented…do it again if you need to or just check in as people do care and can provide a safe place to talk through issues.

all the best…stay strong :)

…

From: Witty Rejoinder
ID: 717090
Subject: re: Chat in May
Sorry to hear of your troubles Moll.

Remember that if you are finding it hard to cope, don’t for one minute think you shouldn’t take full advantage of the medical system to help with your mum. If she can’t stay at home on her own, and you’re struggling too then she is deserving of a hospital stay or a short term spell in a respite care..

Also take full advantage of whatever help you can get from family and friends. You may feel you are being a burden on other people but remember that you can pay back in full any help you receive in the future with interest ie. You can go out of your way to pay back friends and family for any help you receive.

The day/date planner together with a medication schedule chart will help.

From: ms spock
ID: 717095
Subject: re: Chat in May
roughbarked said:

Good luck with it Mollwolfumble. Elder care is really challenging. Witty is right – get some respite care – either day or live in for a couple of weeks – we do it for Papa Bear.

I can’t mind Papa Bear on my own any more due to his aggression and anger, so it is pretty hard. Much sympathy Mollwolfumble.

…

From: Spider Lily
ID: 717104
Subject: re: Chat in May

Information for Mollwolfumble try contacting the Commonwealth Carers Resource Centre https://www.yourcare.com.au/supplier/profile/commonwealth-carer-resource-centre-victoria, they have a range of services and support available for you. Also contact the local council in your Mum’s suburb you never know there may be something there for you too. From what you are saying it sounds like you are now in a full time caring role, that makes you eligible for assistance from the Government who also have Social Workers available. Most importantly Molly please look after yourself and as suggested use this place to stay in touch..

…

From: AwesomeO
ID: 717114
Subject: re: Chat in May
Nurses for all sorts of reasons are very very reluctant to change a dose from what is written, but there is an easy way around it, ring the doctor, they give permission over the phone, the nurse writes that in the notes and everyone is covered.

For the rest, you might need time to get into a routine, you are doing complex and emotionally challenging tasks, it would be strange if your head was not all over the place.

Speak to the patient liaison/advocate rep, explain the difficulties with medication and coping. They are usually very good and know how to navigate the system and where reefs of resources can be mined.

…

From: Tamb
ID: 717118
Subject: re: Chat in May

Mz Tamb’s medication regime is so complex that I have made up a wall chart showing time & treatment.

…

From: kii
ID: 717120
Subject: re: Chat in May
Regarding mollwollfumble’s post:

I’ve sent a message to someone who might be able to contact him. If people have some good info or some good routine ideas maybe start a thread so he can find it easily. It will be lost in the chat thread.

I’m in Melbourne, and have some time (more than a week). If you can give me some details I can clean your sister’s house; if you can stay there it’ll at least save you the drive. My email is fishcustard at the gee-mail place.

I think perhaps you should tell your sister about the state of her house, and tell her you are far too busy looking after Mum to do anything about it. Cross that off your list of problems. It’s hers. Unless you feel you really need to stay there for convenience. Can you actually overnight at your Mum’s every few nights?

My sympathies Moll. Suddenly finding yourself in the role of carer for an ill & elderly relative must be very challenging.

I thinks this is fantastic.. that someone can vent and others will pick up and run with it with the very best intentions. I wish you nothing but good results and some solutions to this dreadful situation. You both deserve the best care you can find.

Arts said:

I thinks this is fantastic.. that someone can vent and others will pick up and run with it with the very best intentions. I wish you nothing but good results and some solutions to this dreadful situation. You both deserve the best care you can find.

Hear hear.

So sorry to hear you are going through this Moll. I was my grandfather’s guardian a number of years ago and I can honestly say it was the most stressful time of my life. Coincidentally, I spent last night and this morning shredding old paperwork from this era and it has brought back many bad memories. It does not compare to what you have been experiencing though, as one of the first things I did was find him suitable accommodation in a nursing home. So even without having to actually take care of him on a daily basis, the rest (and there was plenty of it) was bad enough.

Mollwollfumble said:

She’s too weak to do a lot of things, such as push the injector on her insulin. But in too good a condition to go to a nursing home.

Are you in a major city? As others have suggested, there are many services available for in-home nursing and care and SL’s suggestion of contacting your mum’s local council is a great start. It sounds logical for her to move into a retirement village or other suitable accommodation, but I understand it’s complicated. Many retirement villages have staff and nurses on duty 24/7. At 94, she would not be one of the youngest or most energetic there. Not sure whether you have discussed these options with her, but am guessing that it would not be an easy conversation and the last thing you want is another argument. If it is the right path, perhaps someone else can try to sell the idea to her.

Our local council also runs carer support groups. Carers meet once a month to discuss their experiences etc and they have guest speakers too who can provide info. on the services available.

Thoughts are with you mate … This too will pass. Don’t give up and keep up those mess under supervision of your doctor

Dropbear said:

Thoughts are with you mate … This too will pass. Don’t give up and keep up those mess under supervision of your doctor

.. doctors.. second opinions are not to be discounted.

Im sorry to hear this Mollwollfumble, it may help to document what you are going through and show it to the relevant people

My father is a career for me, The medication planners are great, I have four that cover each week of the month

Sorry if the personalized medicine post angered you, it needs development if its to be useful, and obviously has a long way to go to be consistent across different doctors

I hope things improve for you

Molly, have you contacted your mums local council to see what help they may have available?

Only just logged in. Wow. What a lot of helpful advice and support.

I coped better yesterday. Moving back home with familiar surroundings and the support from my wife helped a lot. And the road traffic there and back was light yesterday. That helped a lot too.

Yesterday my mother got home visits from two separate home nursing organisations, from HSS (home support services) and RDNS (royal district nursing society). Neither did anything stupid. That helped.

But she’s only just coping with being able to live in her retirement village. That could change at any hour of the day or night, landing her back in hospital. I’m very tempted to ask her doctor for an ACAT assessment, required for entry into a nursing home for 24 hour care. Sometimes there and one to two new crises each day. Yesterday’s new crises included dizziness together with an ache in head, sinuses and left lung. She could be dead in a week, or live for another two years.

At the retirement village she has two meals a day cooked for her, so I don’t need to worry about that. And, perhaps surprisingly, she’s been getting support from the other residents. When she couldn’t stand up after dinner, and struggled to get her clothes out of the tumble drier, the other residents helped.

I have two sisters and two nephews. One sister has been caring for Mum for many years and, not surprisingly, needed to go on a two month vacation, a world tour. While away, the caring is being done in turns by me and my other sister, with the nephews as backup if neither of us is available. We have an email blog by whoever is doing the caring to keep all five of us informed about what’s happening.

I hadn’t realised that caring would be so tough. I was visiting her almost every day in hospital for a short time, then was with her all Friday on release from hospital, then four hours each Saturday and Sunday morning and lunch. I’ve realised now that I have to pace myself – don’t try to pay medical bills on the same day as making an appointment with the audiologist or GP for example.

My personal health could be better. I have pain in my feet from tendonitis and in my hands from arthritis. And low stamina. I’ve always been muddle-headed but couldn’t cope with my getting much worse at the same time that everyone else was making major mistakes as well.

> the personalized medicine post angered you

Not at all, I really enjoy all your posts. I just happened to be on the point of cracking then.

Sounds like it was a better day yesterday :)

The pain you are experiencing with tendonitis and arthritis can be exhausting (I’m going through some similar stuff) :/ you should get yourself to the doctor for a full check up – it’s not much good for your mum if your are ill/in pain.

Take heart and it’s fine to lose it every now and then…it’s not all sunshine and roses or beer and skittles (WTF does that even mean?)

:D

Also, Medicare provides five free treatments per year. Go to your GP and ask for a referral to a counsellor. The first five visits will be free, other than that you could talk to them about other financial arrangements for ongoing care for yourself.

Hope your situation improves Mollwollfumble, as others said you also need to look after your own health and needs as you are just as important as your mum.

After my mum died a few years ago my dad didn’t look after himself properly and pretty much wanted to die and join her. He decided though to sell the house and move into a nursing home as he couldn’t look after himself and didn’t want to be in the empty house alone anyway. Since then some of his health problems have improved due to the 24 hour care available and he’s made some good friends there.

Sorry to read about your difficulties, Moll. Glad it has got a bit better. There has been some marvellous advice given here. I add my support for you and that advice.

:) :)

Thanks all, especially Bob from Black Rock and wookiemeister.

I managed to cajole my mother into staying at my place tonight, and hopefully much longer. She now needs 24 hour care, but not in a hospital as she picked up two hospital-acquired diseases at last hospital visit. I managed to pry her away from two ambulance paramedics this morning, nothing seriously wrong with her at the time.

I’ve had two days of good traffic, which has helped, and am feeling better integrated now. But still close to my limit.

mollwollfumble said:

I’ve had two days of good traffic, which has helped, and am feeling better integrated now. But still close to my limit.

Hugs mollwolfumble!

Eldercare is so hard and exhausting. I really feel for you.

ms spock

Thinking of you, Molly.

I’m pretty sure you have my phone number. If you don’t, your daughter does.

Call me if you need to chat at any time of the day or night.

fresnel_chick said:

Thinking of you, Molly.

I’m pretty sure you have my phone number. If you don’t, your daughter does.

Call me if you need to chat at any time of the day or night.

What’s your number?

Dropbear said:

fresnel_chick said:

Thinking of you, Molly.

I’m pretty sure you have my phone number. If you don’t, your daughter does.

Call me if you need to chat at any time of the day or night.

What’s your number?

You had it. It’s not my fault if you don’t any more!

I have yours still… ;)

fresnel_chick said:

Dropbear said:

fresnel_chick said:

Thinking of you, Molly.

I’m pretty sure you have my phone number. If you don’t, your daughter does.

Call me if you need to chat at any time of the day or night.

What’s your number?

You had it. It’s not my fault if you don’t any more!

I have yours still… ;)

I have no come back .. ;)

Dropbear said:

fresnel_chick said:

Dropbear said:

What’s your number?

You had it. It’s not my fault if you don’t any more!

I have yours still… ;)

I have no come back .. ;)

How about he charge $4.95 a minute to talk dirty

Cymek said:

Dropbear said:

fresnel_chick said:

You had it. It’s not my fault if you don’t any more!

I have yours still… ;)

I have no come back .. ;)

How about he charge $4.95 a minute to talk dirty

What does she need $9.90 for ?

Sorry Molly get well soon

Dropbear said:

fresnel_chick said:

Thinking of you, Molly.

I’m pretty sure you have my phone number. If you don’t, your daughter does.

Call me if you need to chat at any time of the day or night.

What’s your number?

9584 5019. In the city of your choice.

mollwollfumble said:

Dropbear said:

fresnel_chick said:

Thinking of you, Molly.

I’m pretty sure you have my phone number. If you don’t, your daughter does.

Call me if you need to chat at any time of the day or night.

What’s your number?

9584 5019. In the city of your choice.

Sorry, but I was only asking Fres :)..Not sure you’d appreciate the cock’n‘balls shots like she does

Dropbear said:

mollwollfumble said:

Dropbear said:

What’s your number?

9584 5019. In the city of your choice.

Sorry, but I was only asking Fres :)..Not sure you’d appreciate the cock’n‘balls shots like she does

You missed it then? She gave her phone number the night she was on the hops.

roughbarked said:

Dropbear said:

mollwollfumble said:

9584 5019. In the city of your choice.

Sorry, but I was only asking Fres :)..Not sure you’d appreciate the cock’n‘balls shots like she does

You missed it then? She gave her phone number the night she was on the hops.

most nights then ;)

Pushed my body past its limits today. “Done my back in”, hurts like hell.

On the topic of “why bother living?” I’ve had to invent a new one. Previously I only wanted to live to:
1) Get a PhD
2) Work for CSIRO
3) Have two children
4) See my daughter start Uni.
Achieved all those.

Then I was stuck. So I invented:
5) See New Horizons pass Pluto.

With the imminent approach of New Horizons to Pluto I desperately need a new reason to live.

Have you got a good reason for living that I can borrow?

My sympathies, moll. But remember, there’s a vast and fascinating world out there. Times are very difficult for you at the moment but they will pass, and you’ll be free to explore whatever you wish, with lovely music in the background :)

mollwollfumble said:

Pushed my body past its limits today. “Done my back in”, hurts like hell.

On the topic of “why bother living?” I’ve had to invent a new one. Previously I only wanted to live to:
1) Get a PhD
2) Work for CSIRO
3) Have two children
4) See my daughter start Uni.
Achieved all those.

Then I was stuck. So I invented:
5) See New Horizons pass Pluto.

With the imminent approach of New Horizons to Pluto I desperately need a new reason to live.

Have you got a good reason for living that I can borrow?

How about a new reason to live is to discover what the universe is

There is no after.

Find something interesting to do. Shit, Molly, there’s something happening in the world every day.

I’m doing year 10 maths at the moment, teaching sprog # 1. I’m actually enjoying it. Learning, or at least re-learning lost skills. Help your daughter with her uni, if it’s not your field then learn along with her. Today I learnt what a surd was. I remembered how to solve them, in a fashion, but had completely forgotten that they were called a surd. I found that enjoyable.

Listen to music. Take the dog for a walk. Look at a sunset. Drink decent wine. Juggle.

Moll, this might sound a strange question, but I ask that you indulge me for a moment: What are you doing for fun?

Rule 303 said:

Moll, this might sound a strange question, but I ask that you indulge me for a moment: What are you doing for fun?

Great question. Nothing. Last time I had “fun” of any sort was … so long ago that I can’t remember.

Unless you count reading CrazyNeutrino’s posts ;-) I borrow comedy books from the library, such as the Xanth book I’m reading tonight, but I’m not finding it funny. I used to enjoy long walks but had to give up on that two months ago because of painful tendonitis. As for sex, far too long ago. I sat in a park for pleasure about a week ago, and sort of enjoyed it. TV has ceased to be fun, ditto puzzles.

mollwollfumble said:

Great question. Nothing. Last time I had “fun” of any sort was … so long ago that I can’t remember.

Right, well…

All going well, you’re going to be a son for a few years yet, and you’re going to be a husband and a dad for the rest of your life – So you better find something fun to do quick-smart or you’re going to be a miserable bastard for a long time yet.

I don’t care if it’s Footy, Sudoku, reading Terry Pratchett novels, making amateur movies, riding a skateboard or indoor rock climbing, you need fun.

You don’t need to find the meaning of life, you need to find the meaning in life.

Get onto it.

Each day I immerse myself into the bath water of human consciousness. As it washes over me with the warmth of sudsy caresses I recognise many impurities of the human condition as well as the overwhelming comfort of its bouyant support You are a part of that support by showing me an understanding of things I do not know. You provide mass and energy and substance into my world view. I value that and am grateful for your contributions. I can only hope to top up in some way with a handfull of bathsalts into your tub to sooth your sore back and sagging spirit so tomorrow’s challenges can be met with renewed vigour. Strive to be happy…
Remember, we’re all in this together. Well at least till Apothos pulls out the plug.:-)

> I don’t care if it’s Footy, Sudoku, reading Terry Pratchett novels, making amateur movies, riding a skateboard or indoor rock climbing, you need fun.

Footy – far too painful
Terry Pratchett – not funny
amateur movies – I make them, nobody watches them, for good reason
skateboard – you have a death wish?
indoor rock climbing – I weigh 110 kg
Sudoku – I do about three a day, they were fun until I published my “how I do sudoku” guide and solved the world’s official hardest Sudoku.

there are types of effort ‘m work unimaginable
nothin’ of so-regular-ego much ventures there
whimsy’s once friends tend incomprehensible
end of the tunnel emerge be different creature

invisible friend him spontaneity did he ‘bandon
weary with the gravity really gone or is waiting
sleep’n be comforted friend you’re still standin’
stay true it your efforts’n keep with appreciatin’

transition said:

invisible friend him spontaneity did he ‘bandon
weary with the gravity really gone or is waiting
sleep’n be comforted friend you’re still standin’
stay true it your efforts’n keep with appreciatin’

I appreciate that.

> Terry Pratchet.

I used to have a forum byline:
mollwollfumble’s definition of “funny” does not include “humour”.

I don’t find Terry Pratchet.funny. But that does bring to mind quite a few books I do have fond memories of. :-) Never read more than three humorous books by the same author, the third one won’t be funny.

Hoffnung symphony orchestra
Tintin and the golden balls
Taxidermy your pet
HHGTTG trilogy
111 total lemons
Doctor at sea
All creatures great and small
Ogre ogre
Murder of a chocolate covered cherry
Touched by an alien

Had a bad time this morning. I had a nosebleed so couldn’t lie down, killer backache so couldn’t sit, and sore heels so couldn’t stand!

mollwollfumble said:

Had a bad time this morning. I had a nosebleed so couldn’t lie down, killer backache so couldn’t sit, and sore heels so couldn’t stand!

:( One of those mornings,, eh?

I too have very sore heels, mostly from running, but find that if I wear the right shoes they sort themselves out during the day. How did you hurt your back?

Probably wearing the wrong kind of fishnets to go with those heels

Your input here is appreciated

I understand where you are coming from, except I do still find enjoyment in some things which you sound like you don’t.
The boring monotony of life and is this it can eat away at you especially if you live in your own head a lot.

Reasons for living which possibly may sound lame but could include

Family?, I suppose that depends on if you have good relationships with them, but if you have children what will they achieve and hopefully be happy

New science and technological discoveries, will the human race grow up and put an end to the pathetic hatreds we have for those that are different to us.

I personally enjoy computer games (blowing shit up is quite cathartic) and my music and tv shows

I often get dark thoughts in which my mood holds me captive

I find the best thing to do with depression then is to keep busy, even simple things like raking leaves or sweeping the driveway for 15 min

if unwanted thoughts continue

its best then to try to clear your mind and do some meditation

listening to music really helps to put yourself into another space

music can help to diminish recurring social themes / ruminating thoughts

Musicians such as Brian Eno, Deuter, Steven Halpern, Aeoliah, Roger Eno, Harold Budd, John Serrie, Michael Brook, Not Drowning Waving, lots of similar artists, the Ambient and New Age Music Genre

The idea is to listen to music to distract yourself from your own thoughts

Speedy said:

mollwollfumble said:

Had a bad time this morning. I had a nosebleed so couldn’t lie down, killer backache so couldn’t sit, and sore heels so couldn’t stand!

:( One of those mornings,, eh?

I too have very sore heels, mostly from running, but find that if I wear the right shoes they sort themselves out during the day. How did you hurt your back?

The usual, lifting a shopping bag full of medications out of the boot in a doctor’s carpark. ;-)

Backache curing itself well, now only gets worse when I’m on the forum.

mollwollfumble said:

Speedy said:

mollwollfumble said:

Had a bad time this morning. I had a nosebleed so couldn’t lie down, killer backache so couldn’t sit, and sore heels so couldn’t stand!

:( One of those mornings,, eh?

I too have very sore heels, mostly from running, but find that if I wear the right shoes they sort themselves out during the day. How did you hurt your back?

The usual, lifting a shopping bag full of medications out of the boot in a doctor’s carpark. ;-)

Backache curing itself well, now only gets worse when I’m on the forum.

Learn to use the forum without sitting?

Molwolfumble presumably your sister left a son at home that is old enough and capable to be left at home alone? If so, let your sister know of the state of the house and let her lecture him to fix that issue – delegate.

Weekly planners work well for carers and the person whom you are caring for.

Daily planner like breakfast , laundering , medications etc etc doctors appointments etc etc let the stress of what needs doing be put on the planner and edit and add as required. Your days will be easier as the structure takes the pressure of you trying to remember everything without feeling upto to coping with prioritising in the minute. Get a friend to help you set one out to get you going. Maybe on a laptop or even laptop that you take with you and mum everywhere as you can add and subtract changes and keep track of her appointment as they emerge… Like after a doctor’s visit . A white board at home can be a place to write new tasks that can be added or used as a place to keep on track for groceries and thinks to notate quickly when you need to supervise mum and can only write a quick note in the moment. When mum is asleep you can add the changes formally.

Medical notes, like doctor prescribed changes need to be visible and shown to nurses from now on and the contact numbers on a board at home but private too. As mum has rights for privacy …. Hope these practical hints a good start to reclaiming control. See your mums gp and your mood assessment with gp at the same time? That way the gap can keep an eye on both of you.

Congratulations for putting your hand up to ask for help as well. You are helping mum and yourself by being brave enough to ask.

My sister whom is heavily involved with aged care support and supporting independent living for the aged might be able to suggest dome local help near you. Please message me through Facebook if you would like me to ask her for some referral suggestions as well. Happy to try and help in that way.

CrazyNeutrino said:

Musicians such as Brian Eno, Deuter, Steven Halpern, Aeoliah, Roger Eno, Harold Budd, John Serrie, Michael Brook, Not Drowning Waving, lots of similar artists, the Ambient and New Age Music Genre

The idea is to listen to music to distract yourself from your own thoughts

Don’t know those musicians, but am following your advice and listening to Mozart, Beethoven, Strauss, Chopin, Mendelssohn, Bach, Haydn, Debussy, Satie. It helps a lot.

> Use the forum without sitting

Am kneeling now, good for back but hard on the knees. My sister has a kneeling chair, that would have been ideal.

> How about a new reason to live is to discover what the universe is

That’s been my reason for existence lately. Trouble is, I already know as much about life, the universe and everything as I’m ever likely to learn.

And there are so many facets of science and technology that we are no closer to understanding than when I was a teenager. Facets of science such as:

Origin of life
Ball lightning
Diffuse interstellar bands
The particle zoo
The unidentified spectral lines of the Sun
Supernovae
Alien lifeforms
A workable system of ethics

And technology such as:

Supersonic transport
Flood mitigation
Bushfire mitigation
Weather control
Traffic
Parking
Telecommuting
Travelators
A replacement for the piston engine
Canal widening

mollwollfumble said:

CrazyNeutrino said:

Musicians such as Brian Eno, Deuter, Steven Halpern, Aeoliah, Roger Eno, Harold Budd, John Serrie, Michael Brook, Not Drowning Waving, lots of similar artists, the Ambient and New Age Music Genre

The idea is to listen to music to distract yourself from your own thoughts

Don’t know those musicians, but am following your advice and listening to Mozart, Beethoven, Strauss, Chopin, Mendelssohn, Bach, Haydn, Debussy, Satie. It helps a lot.

Who are these people?

Just kidding, I’ve heard of Satie.

With respect to scientific and technological progress, there is no doubt that compared with the century from say1865 to 1965, the rate of change in the last 50 years has been pretty slow (other than in computer technology), but that’s probably just as well.

But there has been significant progress in all areas, and these things will continue, perhaps at an increasing rate.

As for a workable code of ethics, we have one. It may not be perfect, but it is workable, and it does work.

A nice restful guitar duet that you (and others) might enjoy:

First Light; Jansch and Renbourn

The Rev Dodgson said:

A nice restful guitar duet that you (and others) might enjoy:

First Light; Jansch and Renbourn

Lovely.

Happy birthday to me, happy birthday to me, happy birthday dear mollwollfumble, happy birthday to me.

Feeling much more cheerful now. Settling into routine with mum, was amused by her choice of library books (biophysics for dummies), read a genuinely funny book, listening to good music. Nearly took mum to hospital two days ago, when all she needed was a panadol. Had a fright with her over laxatives a few seconds ago – she wants to take 7 laxatives within 24 hours – can’t understand that they take time to work. Want to live to see Gaia map the Milky Way.

Have bought myself a hearing aid for my birthday.

:) Sounds like all is heading in the right direction.

mollwollfumble said:

Pushed my body past its limits today. “Done my back in”, hurts like hell.

On the topic of “why bother living?” I’ve had to invent a new one. Previously I only wanted to live to:
1) Get a PhD
2) Work for CSIRO
3) Have two children
4) See my daughter start Uni.
Achieved all those.

Then I was stuck. So I invented:
5) See New Horizons pass Pluto.

With the imminent approach of New Horizons to Pluto I desperately need a new reason to live.

Have you got a good reason for living that I can borrow?

I once read an article about a chronically depressed person whose reason for living was to see what happened on the next day’s Days of Our Lives. Hey, whatever keeps you going :)

What about Mars colonisation?

Divine Angel said:

What about Mars colonisation?

We won’t live to see it. I my teens I was still considering the idea of emigrating to Mars. :-/

My mother peed on my lounge room carpet last night.

Do you feel you’re coping better?