I would like to know what the people here think about the notion of ending a long-term relationship by SMS. I think it is appalling, but am I overreacting? If a person does end such a relationship by SMS, what it say about them?
I’m not a psychologist, so I won’t pretend to know what it “says” about someone.
But it’s not cool.
I’m not one for hyperbole nor do I use curse words online easily but it’s pretty f#@&ed up…
KJW said:
I would like to know what the people here think about the notion of ending a long-term relationship by SMS. I think it is appalling, but am I overreacting? If a person does end such a relationship by SMS, what it say about them?
—-
Scared of confrontation, taking the easy way out, does no longer want to communicate with you.
It is such new technology that the social rules around it are still being worked out.
I guess it depends on the degree to which such technology has become part of the relationship, if it is usual for the couple to use text message or not. If they are the sort of couple that send a dozen texts a day to each other.. then perhaps it could be said that is one of their normals means of communication. If they rarely text then yeah, it seems the easy way out.
Nah, it is just rude…
given that SMS is a non confrontational form of communication it’s quite cowardly to end a relationship this way, though not unlike a ‘dear John/Jane’ letter (also cowardly) Unlike a letter you have, at least, a chance to reply with sms.
furious said:
- I guess it depends on the degree to which such technology has become part of the relationship, if it is usual for the couple to use text message or not. If they are the sort of couple that send a dozen texts a day to each other.. then perhaps it could be said that is one of their normals means of communication. If they rarely text then yeah, it seems the easy way out.
Nah, it is just rude…
You are old, I’m somewhere in the middle.
I had cause at work recently to ring a young person on his mobile, his message bank machine said to please send him a text message instead. Not leave a message, but send a text. I thought it odd, but one of the other guys at work has children the same age, he says they live by text message rather than calling.
Be even worse if they use flipping text speak and not proper English…
Yeah, thanks…
What type of long-term relationship?
If I had a few more phone numbers of forumites I’d be sending SMSs like a mad woman.
furious said:
- You are old,
Yeah, thanks…
No worries. Anytime./
The way you talk, I’m fairly certain you’re older than me, but, anyway…
party_pants said:
I had cause at work recently to ring a young person on his mobile, his message bank machine said to please send him a text message instead. Not leave a message, but send a text. I thought it odd, but one of the other guys at work has children the same age, he says they live by text message rather than calling.
Some people can’t text very well, if it was my hubby texting this guy it’d be something like: “K kk xx” or just :)
party_pants said:
furious said:
- You are old,
Yeah, thanks…
No worries. Anytime./
——
We have no young ones on the forum
sms in itself is not a bad form of communication. I quite like it, mainly because you can send a message when you think of it/remember it but the receiver can reply when they have time too.. it doesn’t need to be instant. But in some cases, like if you are telling someone a loved one is injured or dead, or you are quitting work or breaking up with someone in a fairly long term relationship, it’s not appropriate
tauto said:
party_pants said:
furious said:
- You are old,
Yeah, thanks…
No worries. Anytime./
poik is our regular youngest (who answered the question) furious did not reply to the age thread, so we’ll have to leave that comparison up in the air
——
We have no young ones on the forum
KJW said:
I would like to know what the people here think about the notion of ending a long-term relationship by SMS. I think it is appalling, but am I overreacting? If a person does end such a relationship by SMS, what it say about them?
To be serious and actually answer the OP: it could be that the person is avoiding confrontation (as others have said) and that might be because it is an abusive relationship. Abuse happens in many forms, it’s not just physical. Emotional abuse is pretty scary stuff. So it might be that the person sending out the text just feels safer
Arts said:
tauto said:
party_pants said:No worries. Anytime./
poik is our regular youngest (who answered the question) furious did not reply to the age thread, so we’ll have to leave that comparison up in the air
—-
pfft, poik is getting old now. 35 means he has reached his peak and is now on the downward slide.
——
We have no young ones on the forum
furious said:
- No worries. Anytime
The way you talk, I’m fairly certain you’re older than me, but, anyway…
I’m mid 40s.
But nevermind, the dig at you was merely gratuitous because I’m an arsehole. The main point was if SMS was a normal part of the relationship or not, and the type of information regularly communicated that way. If that is the way a couple sorted out their arguments rather than shouting at each other face to face, then yes, it might be a natural way to arrange a breakup.
if it’s alright to get it started using sms, why not end it that way
is it any worse than getting news from tv, or via the rumour mill
on the subject of communications, what’s the most terrible news a person could ever get via media and the rumour mill?
transition said:
if it’s alright to get it started using sms, why not end it that wayis it any worse than getting news from tv, or via the rumour mill
on the subject of communications, what’s the most terrible news a person could ever get via media and the rumour mill?
and text
transition said:
if it’s alright to get it started using sms, why not end it that wayis it any worse than getting news from tv, or via the rumour mill
on the subject of communications, what’s the most terrible news a person could ever get via media and the rumour mill?
the world ended three minutes ago
It would be pretty $#!t if the police contacted you via sms … “by the way, your loved one died”
Did it? Sheesh, you could have called and told me…
Hello KJW, are you still with us?
sorry KJW – was this you, or someone else you know?
furious said:
- on the subject of communications, what’s the most terrible news a person could ever get via media and the rumour mill?
It would be pretty $#!t if the police contacted you via sms … “by the way, your loved one died”
or it could have been in the news, going around facebook, and you get text messages from aquaintances like so sorry
transition said:
furious said:
- on the subject of communications, what’s the most terrible news a person could ever get via media and the rumour mill?
It would be pretty $#!t if the police contacted you via sms … “by the way, your loved one died”
or it could have been in the news, going around facebook, and you get text messages from aquaintances like so sorry
YOU’LL NEVER GUESS HOW MANY KIDS YOU’VE GOT LEFT!
furious said:
- the world ended three minutes ago
Did it? Sheesh, you could have called and told me…
pretty sure I sent a text… check you phone
I’m sorry, I laughed but that is also horrendous…
My message reception is unreliable…
That was in fact how immediate family got to know that me lad died in a car crash, we found out ~6.5hr afterward via the grapevine, it’d been in an online news service (I later discovered) 81 minutes after looking at the timestamp (complete with condolence attributions), then on the 7:00pm ABC news, then later was going around FB, then later me daughter found out sort of by decoding a confusing backlog of text messages from aquaintances (she’d been working in a public venue for hours before), then she rang me.
My M&D’s neighbours new before any immediate family did.
That is not nice at all…
furious said:
- That was in fact how immediate family got to know that me lad died in a car crash
That is not nice at all…
No, not a good thing at all :(
KJW said:
I would like to know what the people here think about the notion of ending a long-term relationship by SMS. I think it is appalling, but am I overreacting? If a person does end such a relationship by SMS, what it say about them?
Never having ended a relationship, or used SMS, I’m not qualified to know.
I’ve known two women to end ten-year-plus BFF relationships by phone. Is that any different?
If you’re talking sexual relationship, if you are living together then you can’t end it by SMS, and if you’re not then it should end.
mollwollfumble said:
If you’re talking sexual relationship, if you are living together then you can’t end it by SMS, and if you’re not then it should end.
Why?
I’m with p_p on this, and I am old. And as people here know, mobilephone-less. But as it is very much a method of communication these days, if it’s the norm for the couple to be constantly in touch by that means, I don’t see any particular problem with it. Personally, I think you should have the guts to face to face it, but there might have been a reason (see Arts post). I’ve done it, a long time ago, when we used to phone each other a lot (landline phones in those days). But I went face to face, quite deliberately, for telling G it was time to split. We remained friends for a good many years after, and he came to Mr buffy and my wedding.
My feeling is that it’s certainly not the kindest way to end a relationship – I would think that you are probably owed a little more than just “thx bye”
Is there a reason why she would not want to deliver the message in person?
kii said:
mollwollfumble said:If you’re talking sexual relationship, if you are living together then you can’t end it by SMS, and if you’re not then it should end.
Why?
I think moll’s suggesting that if you are doing the horizontal greased-weasel tango then you should also be doing the decent think and make an honest pair of yourselves…
You know, in the eyes of God and all…
diddly-squat said:
My feeling is that it’s certainly not the kindest way to end a relationship – I would think that you are probably owed a little more than just “thx bye”
Is there a reason why she would not want to deliver the message in person?
She? How do you know it is a she?
As I said in a previous post: if the person is an abusive bastard then send them a text – Key under mat, cya.
kii said:
diddly-squat said:My feeling is that it’s certainly not the kindest way to end a relationship – I would think that you are probably owed a little more than just “thx bye”
Is there a reason why she would not want to deliver the message in person?
She? How do you know it is a she?
As I said in a previous post: if the person is an abusive bastard then send them a text – Key under mat, cya.
well KJW is a bloke, and as far as I’m aware he’s not gay, but yes, it could have been from a guy I suppose…
but I agree, if the relationship was abusive, then a text message is probably the best way to end it
diddly-squat said:
kii said:
mollwollfumble said:If you’re talking sexual relationship, if you are living together then you can’t end it by SMS, and if you’re not then it should end.
Why?
I think moll’s suggesting that if you are doing the horizontal greased-weasel tango then you should also be doing the decent think and make an honest pair of yourselves…
You know, in the eyes of God and all…
Well, a lot of the smart people don’t let that religious stuff dictate their lives. Also saying that de facto relationships are not “decent” or “honest” is a bit low. Are you my former partner’s dead father?
diddly-squat said:
kii said:
diddly-squat said:My feeling is that it’s certainly not the kindest way to end a relationship – I would think that you are probably owed a little more than just “thx bye”
Is there a reason why she would not want to deliver the message in person?
She? How do you know it is a she?
As I said in a previous post: if the person is an abusive bastard then send them a text – Key under mat, cya.
well KJW is a bloke, and as far as I’m aware he’s not gay, but yes, it could have been from a guy I suppose…
but I agree, if the relationship was abusive, then a text message is probably the best way to end it
There you go again….assuming stuff.
kii said:
diddly-squat said:
kii said:Why?
I think moll’s suggesting that if you are doing the horizontal greased-weasel tango then you should also be doing the decent think and make an honest pair of yourselves…
You know, in the eyes of God and all…
Well, a lot of the smart people don’t let that religious stuff dictate their lives. Also saying that de facto relationships are not “decent” or “honest” is a bit low. Are you my former partner’s dead father?
whatever sweetie
:rollseyes:
diddly-squat said:
kii said:
diddly-squat said:My feeling is that it’s certainly not the kindest way to end a relationship – I would think that you are probably owed a little more than just “thx bye”
Is there a reason why she would not want to deliver the message in person?
She? How do you know it is a she?
As I said in a previous post: if the person is an abusive bastard then send them a text – Key under mat, cya.
well KJW is a bloke, and as far as I’m aware he’s not gay, but yes, it could have been from a guy I suppose…
but I agree, if the relationship was abusive, then a text message is probably the best way to end it
>>>but I agree, if the relationship was abusive, then a text message is probably the best way to end it
yes
Sometimes an abusive relationship is best ended via the police.
They can also get kittens out of trees.
Maybe the immediacy of the medium (delivery method), or the instantness translates (perhaps somewhat wrongly) into urgency, which translates into importance. There’s the glam of the technology associated also, you know getting the elevated gadget to do the business, essentially a machine entered the world of the personal.
Such things didn’t exist in the ancestral environment, you relied on nasty glances, or a dose of the ancient language, or the usual thing of distance used in estrangement to supress the interest.
I suppose a text might be felt as too easy, it could’ve been an email or certified mail via australia post.
Me and lady use ESP a lot, but have it turned off most of the time. That unshared space’s a good thing.
I think it depends on the length of the relationship. After a week, sure. After 10 years, no.
Divine Angel said:
I think it depends on the length of the relationship. After a week, sure. After 10 years, no.
Is a week long liaison even a relationship?
Op says long term
Be OK if it was a long-term relationship that was conducted mostly or entirely by SMS.
If you have the phone In Your hand just press the call button.
Arts said:
If you have the phone In Your hand just press the call button.
If you have the phone In Your hand just press the Send button.
Fixed
Some instances deserve more than a cold text. Call me old fashioned.
Arts said:
If you have the phone In Your hand just press the call button.
and who you gonna to call…?
The ghost of relationships past
Arts said:
The ghost of relationships past
Its one of depends kind of thing.
diddly-squat said:
kii said:
mollwollfumble said:If you’re talking sexual relationship, if you are living together then you can’t end it by SMS, and if you’re not then it should end.
Why?
I think moll’s suggesting that if you are doing the horizontal greased-weasel tango then you should also be doing the decent think and make an honest pair of yourselves…
You know, in the eyes of God and all…
Not a religious thing, but otherwise yes. I am being a bit of devil’s advocate here, but if a couple is in a long term sexual relationship and not living together then there’s something fundamentally wrong with the interpersonal dynamics.
Thank you for your responses.
tauto said:
Hello KJW, are you still with us?
At the time I posted this topic, I wanted to gauge the reaction of the forum without actually becoming involved with the discussion. For me, it is a sensitive topic, and I did not wish to cloud the discussion with extraneous matters.
mollwollfumble said:
if a couple is in a long term sexual relationship and not living together then there’s something fundamentally wrong with the interpersonal dynamics.
How two people engage with each other is really what is most appropriate for them given the circumstances, and it’s not really anyone else’s place to judge whether there is anything wrong with the relationship.
However, this topic is about how a relationship ends rather than if it should end or why.
diddly-squat said:
if the relationship was abusive, then a text message is probably the best way to end it
I anticipated that someone might justify ending a relationship by SMS in this manner. Superficially speaking, an abusive person doesn’t deserve the respect of a better breakup. But given that the relationship is long-term, doesn’t it seem odd that in any realistic scenario, SMS would be used to end the relationship?
KJW said:
diddly-squat said:
if the relationship was abusive, then a text message is probably the best way to end it
I anticipated that someone might justify ending a relationship by SMS in this manner. Superficially speaking, an abusive person doesn’t deserve the respect of a better breakup. But given that the relationship is long-term, doesn’t it seem odd that in any realistic scenario, SMS would be used to end the relationship?
If SMS worries you, then write them a letter, which is more personal.
If they are ending a relationship by sms you are best rid of them anyway. In my experience they only hung around for wild sex and conversation
party_pants said:
furious said:
- I guess it depends on the degree to which such technology has become part of the relationship, if it is usual for the couple to use text message or not. If they are the sort of couple that send a dozen texts a day to each other.. then perhaps it could be said that is one of their normals means of communication. If they rarely text then yeah, it seems the easy way out.
Nah, it is just rude…
You are old, I’m somewhere in the middle.
I had cause at work recently to ring a young person on his mobile, his message bank machine said to please send him a text message instead. Not leave a message, but send a text. I thought it odd, but one of the other guys at work has children the same age, he says they live by text message rather than calling.
I SMS or email people as it cuts out the small and unnecessary talk when all you want is a straightforward answer
Many young people have phone plans that allow gazillions of free text messages and from practised use can text and send at such a speed it is almost as fast as spoken communication.
Back in the day it was probably considered rude to break up via the phone and before that by letter.
Back in the day…it’s always “…back in the day…”
PermeateFree said:
If SMS worries you, then write them a letter, which is more personal.
I didn’t want to suggest that ending the relationship by SMS was the only thing or even the worse thing. I mention it as one thing. For example, I was initially given a bogus reason for ending the relationship.
KJW said:
I was initially given a bogus reason for ending the relationship.
I see that there was no challenge to the above statement. So that confirms what I said (not that there was any doubt about my reasoning).