Stumpy_seahorse said:

A real bumper gift.

Ausses won the toss.

Chose to tonk.

rubs hands

BACKYARD CRICKET RULES:

Getting started:

● Start with two teams of equal players (you can decide how to determine ‘equal’)

● You will need a pitch and wickets at either end (wheelie bins, eskies, fences, dog houses and anything else you can find around the yard will do for a wicket)

● Official ball is a tennis ball, often tampered with but it’s all legal in the backyard

● Toss to start the game and decide whether team fields or bats. Aussie poet Rupert McCall says if you win the toss, always choose to bat

● Winner is determined after all batters on each team have batted. The team with the most runs is the winner

Children can bowl underarm. Other than that, there’s not too many rules placed on the bowler.
Bowling:

● Children can bowl underarm

● The bowler will continue to bowl until either:

1) another fielder asks how many balls left to which the bowler must reply “this is my last ball

2) the batter asks how many balls left to which the bowler must reply “three left”

There’s nothing better than a game of backyard cricket on Australia Day. Picture: Justin Brierty
During match play:

● Batter cannot be given out on the first ball

● Batter is given “out” if wickets are dislodged or ball is caught

● No LBW (leg before wicket)

● Six and out. If the ball goes over the fence or into the pool, six runs are recorded but batter is given out and batter must retrieve the lost ball

● Break a window or damage plants and you’re out {and you better hide from your mother / wife}

● One hand, one bounce — a fielder can catch the ball with one hand after one bounce and batter will still be given ‘out’ {some prefer to only employ this rule if fielder’s other hand is occupied — usually with a beverage or sausage on bread}

● If a pet catches the ball, you’re out {and should give that pet a snag off the BBQ — that’s impressive!}

● One-hand catch off a rebound from a wall or roof means the batter is out

Backyard cricket is not confined to the backyard. Head down to a park or the beach and get even more people involved.
Optional rules you can have fun with:

● Set up automatic wicketkeeper and slips — if the ball hits these locations, the batter is out

● Set up a maximum score. When a batter reaches the predetermined score they are forced into retirement

End of game:

● The game is deemed over when all batters have been declared ‘out’, the BBQ is ready, all balls have been lost or bad light stops play

● All damage to gardens and windows is deemed to have occurred before the start of play

● Shake hands and share a beer together. All is forgiven.

Break a window or damage plants and you’re out {and you better hide from your (father) mother / wife}

———-

Yes. This ruled out booming on drives in my back yard (was really proper cricket ball too)

Over the fence and through the neighbours fibro shed wall was also a no no.. ruled out lofted cover drives.

Extraordinary forfeits would apply in each case.

Warner 50
Nicely done

posted 17 hours ago.

After tonight, there will be 34 consecutive nights of cricket on free-to-air TV.

Stumpy_seahorse said:

posted 17 hours ago.

After tonight, there will be 34 consecutive nights of cricket on free-to-air TV.

HEAVEN

sibeen said:

Stumpy_seahorse said:

posted 17 hours ago.

After tonight, there will be 34 consecutive nights of cricket on free-to-air TV.

HEAVEN

Nephews are ready to go..

#helmetneededwhenlittlebrobowls

Besides the ball that one of the batsmen missed, missed completely, there is another positive England can take out of the mornings session, not one six has been hit, they have successfully dried up the sixes.
It will also give the team sports psychologist something to point to, something to work with.
I’m expecting this success to continue in the second session with maybe a fine save on the boundary or even a close run out chance late in the day.

Warner intent on getting a ton before Anne gets a start

Peak Warming Man said:

Besides the ball that one of the batsmen missed, missed completely, there is another positive England can take out of the mornings session, not one six has been hit, they have successfully dried up the sixes.
It will also give the team sports psychologist something to point to, something to work with.
I’m expecting this success to continue in the second session with maybe a fine save on the boundary or even a close run out chance late in the day.

Well, that stat about the six was just stuffed up.

Stumpy_seahorse said:

posted 17 hours ago.

After tonight, there will be 34 consecutive nights of cricket on free-to-air TV.

how fucking awesome is that!

Peak Warming Man said:

Besides the ball that one of the batsmen missed, missed completely, there is another positive England can take out of the mornings session, not one six has been hit, they have successfully dried up the sixes.
It will also give the team sports psychologist something to point to, something to work with.
I’m expecting this success to continue in the second session with maybe a fine save on the boundary or even a close run out chance late in the day.

Time to switch to S2H

party_pants said:

Stumpy_seahorse said:

posted 17 hours ago.

After tonight, there will be 34 consecutive nights of cricket on free-to-air TV.

how fucking awesome is that!

Language, lad, language.

sibeen said:

party_pants said:

Stumpy_seahorse said:

posted 17 hours ago.

After tonight, there will be 34 consecutive nights of cricket on free-to-air TV.

how fucking awesome is that!

Language, lad, language.

LOL

Peak Warming Man said:

Besides the ball that one of the batsmen missed, missed completely, there is another positive England can take out of the mornings session, not one six has been hit, they have successfully dried up the sixes.
It will also give the team sports psychologist something to point to, something to work with.
I’m expecting this success to continue in the second session with maybe a fine save on the boundary or even a close run out chance late in the day.

Also, you’ll notice the runs have dried up completely now lunch has commenced. Little known weakness of the Australian batsmen is that they have to be fed regularly

England are like the job junior drug squad members get of going through the motions.

Peak Warming Man said:

England are like the job junior drug squad members get of going through the motions.

undeterred

Relaxing in Bali but would prefer to be in Melbourne watching a top day’s test cricket. Come on Aussies.
Audience comment from Johnno 19 minutes ago.
———————————————

Some dude on the Ashes Blog pretending to be Johnno.

Peak Warming Man said:

Relaxing in Bali but would prefer to be in Melbourne watching a top day’s test cricket. Come on Aussies.
Audience comment from Johnno 19 minutes ago.
———————————————

Some dude on the Ashes Blog pretending to be Johnno.

So why go to Bali you fool.

It’s perfectly possible to “relax” in Australia.

Bubblecar said:

Peak Warming Man said:

Relaxing in Bali but would prefer to be in Melbourne watching a top day’s test cricket. Come on Aussies.
Audience comment from Johnno 19 minutes ago.
———————————————

Some dude on the Ashes Blog pretending to be Johnno.

So why go to Bali you fool.

It’s perfectly possible to “relax” in Australia.

Dunno about that…

Frankie had to go to Hollywood to relax…

Stumpy_seahorse said:

Bubblecar said:

Peak Warming Man said:

Relaxing in Bali but would prefer to be in Melbourne watching a top day’s test cricket. Come on Aussies.
Audience comment from Johnno 19 minutes ago.
———————————————

Some dude on the Ashes Blog pretending to be Johnno.

So why go to Bali you fool.

It’s perfectly possible to “relax” in Australia.

Dunno about that…

Frankie had to go to Hollywood to relax…

For Bubblecar that may as well be written in Swahili.

AwesomeO said:

Stumpy_seahorse said:

Bubblecar said:

So why go to Bali you fool.

It’s perfectly possible to “relax” in Australia.

Dunno about that…

Frankie had to go to Hollywood to relax…

For Bubblecar that may as well be written in Swahili.

I am familiar with that rather coarse song.

Bubblecar said:

AwesomeO said:

Stumpy_seahorse said:

Dunno about that…

Frankie had to go to Hollywood to relax…

For Bubblecar that may as well be written in Swahili.

I am familiar with that rather coarse song.

I’m not. Ploise esplain.

Michael V said:

Bubblecar said:

AwesomeO said:

For Bubblecar that may as well be written in Swahili.

I am familiar with that rather coarse song.

I’m not. Ploise esplain.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=saUVi5r_-ZU

One-fa.

the yorkshireman just erupted, cheering from the other side of the lounge room..

Stumpy_seahorse said:

the yorkshireman just erupted, cheering from the other side of the lounge room..

At 1/122? Wow!

Michael V said:

Stumpy_seahorse said:

the yorkshireman just erupted, cheering from the other side of the lounge room..

At 1/122? Wow!

He’s 83, a bit deaf and forgetful..

but good for a stir :)

Warner’s in luck!

KABOOM… one hunnit

Stumpy_seahorse said:

KABOOM… one hunnit

:)

Michael V said:

Warner’s in luck!

England can take a lot of encouragement from that, they’ll now know where to bowl to him when he’s a few shy of 200 and a bit nervous.
There’s positives everywhere.

Uh-oh.

Warner’s gone for 103.

Aus: 2/135.

Khawaja: 17

Aust 3/160

Michael V said:

Khawaja: 17

Aust 3/160

Not a great knock that.

Peak Warming Man said:

Michael V said:

Khawaja: 17

Aust 3/160

Not a great knock that.

must’ve had a big lunch…they’ve gone to sleep now

Smith has reached the half ton.

Michael V said:

Smith has reached the half ton.

those damn mince pies are addictive…

Stumpy_seahorse said:

Michael V said:

Smith has reached the half ton.

those damn mince pies are addictive…

And it’s stumps.

Sean going well, looks like the Marsh boys will save us again.

Some people are saying “Jeez, not another whitewash”.

But frankly I’m okay with a whitewash…

dv said:

Some people are saying “Jeez, not another whitewash”.

But frankly I’m okay with a whitewash…

Whitewash is prolly non-PC these days………………. but I’m OK with it.

dv said:

Some people are saying “Jeez, not another whitewash”.

But frankly I’m okay with a whitewash…

Smithy could yet be out first ball.

Tamb said:

dv said:

Some people are saying “Jeez, not another whitewash”.

But frankly I’m okay with a whitewash…

Whitewash is prolly non-PC these days………………. but I’m OK with it.

Well it’s a pinkwash in the Pom’s case.

I’m sure that there are plenty of lovely Poms but IRT criggit, especially if you’ve ever been unfortunate enough to be seated in close proximity the Barmy Army, them I hope they lose every match badly.

Shane Warne was saying that the Poms were too short and too wide which is pretty bloody rich coming from him.

Ian said:

Shane Warne was saying that the Poms were too short and too wide which is pretty bloody rich coming from him.

ROFL

Peak Warming Man said:

Ian said:

Shane Warne was saying that the Poms were too short and too wide which is pretty bloody rich coming from him.

ROFL

Hang on, he’s not short.

Ian said:

Shane Warne was saying that the Poms were too short and too wide which is pretty bloody rich coming from him.

Not when compared with Colin Cowdrey.

smh…

Smith

Mitchell fucking Marsh…

Stumpy_seahorse said:

smh…

Smith

Take the smh out of smith and it’s it.

Ian said:

Shane Warne was saying that the Poms were too short and too wide which is pretty bloody rich coming from him.

Fair comment on the wideness but he’s 6 ft.

Who the heck is Tom Curran?

dv said:

Who the heck is Tom Curran?

Comes from the long Curran sporting lineage of Zimbabwe.

dv said:

Ian said:

Shane Warne was saying that the Poms were too short and too wide which is pretty bloody rich coming from him.

Fair comment on the wideness but he’s 6 ft.

Yes, that’s even more worrying.

Goorn the Marshes

Didn’t think we’d get bogged down.

Both Marsh and Marsh are back in the pavilion.

They should give James Faulkner another go in test cricket.

5 for 82!

FUCK

One of the few sessions that have been won by England in this series.

Warner now has 6000 runs. He is only the third batsman to reach this mark, among those who probably shouldn’t have a place in Test cricket.

Mike Atherton 7728
Ian Bell 7727
Mark Warner 6004
Arjuna Ranatunga 5105
Shane Watson 3731

What is it with these test batsmen chopping on? Don’t they teach don’t play cross-batted any more?

dv said:

Warner now has 6000 runs. He is only the third batsman to reach this mark, among those who probably shouldn’t have a place in Test cricket.

Mike Atherton 7728
Ian Bell 7727
Mark Warner 6004
Arjuna Ranatunga 5105
Shane Watson 3731

Mark Warner?

Cook’s in the nervous teens, just 7 short of his twenty.

bowled Garay!!!

Peak Warming Man said:

Cook’s in the nervous teens, just 7 short of his twenty.

and Stoneman is in the bunker.

Mitch Marsh is on.
There was a third brother I think, much older, Groucho.

Peak Warming Man said:

Mitch Marsh is on.
There was a third brother I think, much older, Groucho.

their mum was pretty famous…

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h21jl2pLc1o

Stumps.

How tall is Blessing Muzarabani? 7 ft or something? I thought the days of tall as fuck seamers in test cricket were behind us.

Anyway they are back at it.

roughbarked said:

Anyway they are back at it.

ROOT AWAY

FUCK OFF

knocks off bails
Lunch gentlemen.

Peak Warming Man said:

knocks off bails
Lunch gentlemen.

Too hot to eat or drink or do anything sit here moaning about the heat.

Actually I think I’ll go and finally make those trifles.

anything sit here moaning = except

Should be an interesting session after lunch.
I doubt England will manage much of a lead.

Bairstow gone.
Now the terrorist is in.

Cook, the dead rubber hero

They’ve taken out the terrorist but not before he did a bit of damage.

Good 150 for Cook but as DV says it’s all too late son.

Cook’s scores in the first 6 innings of this series, when it mattered …2, 7, 37, 16, 7, 14

It’s flaming criminal that Marsh has only bowled 10 overs. I demand a royal commission.

dv said:

It’s flaming criminal that Marsh has only bowled 10 overs. I demand a royal commission.

They took your advice. Unfortunately, it didn’t work.

Eng: well on top.

If indeed Cook does carry his bat through the innings, this will be the highest score by a batsman to do so.

FUCK

toofa.

FUCK

Cook has been on the field for the whole match.

Schmitty appears to have lured the Poms into a true sense of security. Can’t wait for the cunning denouement.

Ian said:

Schmitty appears to have lured the Poms into a true sense of security. Can’t wait for the cunning denouement.

:)

It’s dead, Jim.

oh dear, Warner’s caught for 86 Australia lead by 8 … 3/172

in the plums…

Stumpy_seahorse said:

in the plums…

How many balls left?

Stumpy_seahorse said:

in the plums…

oh, how we laughed. oh, how he didn’t.

marsh gone for 4, buggrit. Australia lead by 14 … 4/178 buggrit

Michael V said:

marsh gone for 4, buggrit. Australia lead by 14 … 4/178 buggrit

FUCK!

Down to Marsh M.. She’ll be right then..

This young Smith fellah, I reckon there’s a chance he could be up for man of the series.

sibeen said:

This young Smith fellah, I reckon there’s a chance he could be up for man of the series.

not after dropping that sitter the other day he’s not…

Stumpy_seahorse said:

sibeen said:

This young Smith fellah, I reckon there’s a chance he could be up for man of the series.

not after dropping that sitter the other day he’s not…

who else deserves it?

Arts said:

Stumpy_seahorse said:

sibeen said:

This young Smith fellah, I reckon there’s a chance he could be up for man of the series.

not after dropping that sitter the other day he’s not…

who else deserves it?

cook?

Stumpy_seahorse said:

Arts said:

Stumpy_seahorse said:

not after dropping that sitter the other day he’s not…

who else deserves it?

cook?

of the series?

Arts said:

Stumpy_seahorse said:

sibeen said:

This young Smith fellah, I reckon there’s a chance he could be up for man of the series.

not after dropping that sitter the other day he’s not…

who else deserves it?

The Australian captain may be in the mix, or that bloke in the Australian team nicknamed ‘smudge’. It would have to out of those three.

Arts said:

Stumpy_seahorse said:

sibeen said:

This young Smith fellah, I reckon there’s a chance he could be up for man of the series.

not after dropping that sitter the other day he’s not…

who else deserves it?

Moeen Ali?

sibeen said:

Arts said:

Stumpy_seahorse said:

not after dropping that sitter the other day he’s not…

who else deserves it?

The Australian captain may be in the mix, or that bloke in the Australian team nicknamed ‘smudge’. It would have to out of those three.

LOL

Here’s a bit of trivia.
Both Jimmy Anderson and Kevin Spacey have been accused of ball tampering.

Peak Warming Man said:

Here’s a bit of trivia.
Both Jimmy Anderson and Kevin Spacey have been accused of ball tampering.

Who’s Kevin Spacey again?

party_pants said:

Peak Warming Man said:

Here’s a bit of trivia.
Both Jimmy Anderson and Kevin Spacey have been accused of ball tampering.

Who’s Kevin Spacey again?

bubblecar, give p_p back his handle…

party_pants said:

Peak Warming Man said:

Here’s a bit of trivia.
Both Jimmy Anderson and Kevin Spacey have been accused of ball tampering.

Who’s Kevin Spacey again?

Bloke who plays for the other side.

Peak Warming Man said:

party_pants said:

Peak Warming Man said:

Here’s a bit of trivia.
Both Jimmy Anderson and Kevin Spacey have been accused of ball tampering.

Who’s Kevin Spacey again?

Bloke who plays for the other side.

how do you shoot him in the back?..
what if you miss?

Eagerly awaiting Mitch Marsh to get to 25…

Good lad.

Smith 100

259 balls

Outstanding effort

party_pants said:

Eagerly awaiting Mitch Marsh to get to 25…

It’s a very good innings.

sibeen said:

party_pants said:

Eagerly awaiting Mitch Marsh to get to 25…

It’s a very good innings.

Yeah, never seen him bat like this before.

Nice hand by Mitch Marsh, in terms of occupying the crease for a draw.

sibeen said:

This young Smith fellah, I reckon there’s a chance he could be up for man of the series.

Funny, though … he really is a young fellah. Time was when the Australian cricket team was completely dominated by players in their 30s. Schmitty could play another 10 years at international level, if his health bears up, and he wants to.

Fewer Barmies in today, and quieter. I wonder if they have figured out that singing and drinking are not antidotes to sunstroke/burn.

party_pants said:

Peak Warming Man said:

Here’s a bit of trivia.
Both Jimmy Anderson and Kevin Spacey have been accused of ball tampering.

Who’s Kevin Spacey again?

The greatest trick the Devil ever pulled was rubbing Vaso on the seam.

dv said:

party_pants said:

Peak Warming Man said:

Here’s a bit of trivia.
Both Jimmy Anderson and Kevin Spacey have been accused of ball tampering.

Who’s Kevin Spacey again?

The greatest trick the Devil ever pulled was rubbing Vaso on the seam.

ok.. the red cards are coming out

They’re going off. Draw,

party_pants said:

They’re going off. Draw,

Result!

Ian said:

party_pants said:

They’re going off. Draw,

Result!

Soft.

Cook A. named man of the match.

Ian said:

party_pants said:

They’re going off. Draw,

Result!

Yeah, happy with that. No clean sweep but at least England are still winless in the series.

party_pants said:

Ian said:

party_pants said:

They’re going off. Draw,

Result!

Yeah, happy with that. No clean sweep but at least England are still winless in the series.

This is the first match “not lost” by England in Australia since January 2011.

Smith has averaged 75.8 over the last four years.

Woodie has turned up safely for his beach-side holiday. And he has brought a brand new wireless keyboard and mouse. Hence I have capital letters again.

And can I make paragraphs again and emphasise stuff and make smiley faces?

Yes!

:)

:)

Michael V said:

Woodie has turned up safely for his beach-side holiday. And he has brought a brand new wireless keyboard and mouse. Hence I have capital letters again.

And can I make paragraphs again and emphasise stuff and make smiley faces?

Yes!

:)

:)

gawd help us!

Michael V said:

Woodie has turned up safely for his beach-side holiday. And he has brought a brand new wireless keyboard and mouse. Hence I have capital letters again.

And can I make paragraphs again and emphasise stuff and make smiley faces?

Yes!

:)

:)

Well done Woodie.

Michael V said:

Woodie has turned up safely for his beach-side holiday. And he has brought a brand new wireless keyboard and mouse. Hence I have capital letters again.

And can I make paragraphs again and emphasise stuff and make smiley faces?

Yes!

:)

:)

Damn.

After a constitutional I’ll be having a strake burger, homemade and washed down with a long tall glass of coke poured over ice with a twist of orange.
Sibeen will be having a nervous airline meal of cardboard and starch with a dessert of fake reconstituted replica fruit.
All washed down with a luke warm cup of weak instant coffee.

If you’re the kind of person who likes records, then you might like to track the number of balls faced by Smith. He’s on track to end up with the highest number of balls faced in a series (other than the old timeless tests).

Peak Warming Man said:

After a constitutional I’ll be having a strake burger, homemade and washed down with a long tall glass of coke poured over ice with a twist of orange.
Sibeen will be having a nervous airline meal of cardboard and starch with a dessert of fake reconstituted replica fruit.
All washed down with a luke warm cup of weak instant coffee.

And if he keeps the window cover up he will be able to see the setting sun and be able to tell if the plane is heading SE to Melbourne or SW to the Southern Indian ocean.